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I don't know if this falls in line with "play on words", but I saw an ad on BP the other day for a lady that was advertising herself as a "beautiful mix of chinese and cockasian". Twice in the same ad. Maybe it would have been a funny play on words if it was done on purpose, and not by accident. I feel bad for poking fun, but seriously, proofread & spellcheck your shit, people.

14 hours on the motorbike in all kinds of inclement weather except snow.Sore and exhausted. How is this a highlight? I went to the funeral of my best friend's wife today on a remote windswept point in Cape Breton. The families had no idea I'd be there and it meant the world to everyone- including me. Small funeral, small church, big winds and waves in the bay. It was an awe inspiring backdrop.

I hope you get a little chuckle out of these like I did :-) Play on Words How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck What's the difference between roast beef and peasoup? Anyone can roast beef Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the heck out of the dog What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The location of the dirt bag Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down? Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Darn." A bad skydiver goes, "Darn." WHACK! What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it! What do you call skydiving lawyers? Skeet What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop clop? An Amish drive-by shooting How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? Somebody's gonna lose a trailer Source: http://elmblog.eddiesnipes.com/humor/jokes/play_on_words.shtml

I like to leave it to my visitor. ... I will greet acompany the gentleman to the room,offer a shower before so that they can freshen up... at that point some gentlemen would ask me to join them for the shower or they will just take ut on their own.... Sometimes gentlemen want me to help them undress and start all the fun and sometimes they rather do it on their own, in those cases I leave the room and let the gentlemen get comfortable To me it does nit really matter , my goal is always to make the visit comfortable and enjoyable to the other person.. if my visitor is comfortable I will be comfortable and will make for a goid experience foe both :)

This is a great question ElanRacer and depending on where you visit, it may vary. As Tiffany mentions, when you visit a spa the MA will show you to your room, have a friendly conversation, and leave you for a moment to get comfortable and settled in. With an independent or all inclusive spa the MA is with you for everything as Pete mentioned above. It all varies depending on what you are most comfortable with and please don't be shy to just ask your MA.

A wee bit nervous about what the folks at UoM will say. However I am told these "egg heads" are brilliant, so as they said in WW1, "trust in God but pass the ammunition"! Going to beat this one way or another. Hmmmm, wonder if Big Blue is playing football today, maybe I can grab some tailgating (or tail) before my noon check in??? Thanx again for all your support! Tom theliquor

I don't mean to be rude but what the %^*#^ is with all the bbfs requests? I took some time off and since I've come back, so many men have requested bbfs "even if I pay you more." NO... No, no and NO!! I will not offer bbfs (although I do bbbj) but that's a whole different story. Did I miss a memo somewhere? What's going on? I've been around for a while and I have NEVER had this many requests. People, please play safe, get checked regularly and please don't participate in bbfs! It's not just about pregnancy or bacterial infections! There are serious viruses out there! I'm just shocked by the number of requests, as if it's normal. Please, don't let this be the norm...

SHE MADE IT! My very good friends dog had emergency surgery today, and there was a big chance she wouldn't make it - BUT SHE DID!!! :D :D :D

Hello Cerbies :) As someone who loves clever word play, witty puns and sarcastic quips, I would be most interested to see what you have in store for us. The following was recently posted in another thread and I thought I should share it with you because it was brilliant! On a different note... "I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me." Or even something like this: Brainy teasers and riddles are great too! Riddle: I am eight letters long "12345678." My 1234 is an atmospheric condition. My 34567 supports a plant. My 4567 is to appropriate. My 45 is a friendly thank you. My 678 is a name. What word am I? Mistaken Have fun! Gabby xox

The real highlight of my day today was a long-awaited first time meeting this morning with a wonderful gentleman, which worked out perfectly to be a fantastically orgasmic & super hot awesome good time. ;) After that I took my full spare change jar to the "TD Coin Counter" to empty it & start over, and I got back $376! Not too shabby! That was followed by a well-deserved delicious home made lunch of steak & eggs (beef tenderloin, over easy organic freerun brown eggs, bell peppers, onions, fresh jalapenos, aged cheddar - YUM). Now I am thinking about an afternoon nap... Pretty friggin' awesome day so far!! lol :)

I just visited this girl. thought I would fill everyone in that is curious. Not real pics, and since we are not suppose to say anything negative I will end right there.

Really, it's ridiculous. I offer pse and bbbjcim but never bbfs. Lets just educate and get the word out. HIV people! If you don't like condoms, I have female condoms :) If a condom sabotages your hard on then female condom. I have them, lets give it a try!!! I'm excited to try!!!

Hi Gents, Don't let the ink deceive you, I'm as sweet as they come and even more playful! Spending the afternoon at Paradise and I would love some attention Come in for a relaxing full body massage and let me help rub those worries away. you can find me at 1902 Robertson Rd. until 11:00 tonight. For bookings call 613-820-8887

First of all I'd like to thank Mistert, spud and loneskater for organizing such an amazing social last night. I had so much fun! It was great meeting so many new people and putting faces to screen names :) and the treats...oh the tasty treats... As some of you know I found out yesterday that my best friend from high school lost her mother in the barhaven bus tragedy. She was an amazing lady, a second mother to me during that time. I honestly cannot believe she is really gone. I think you'll understand when I say that I am taking a day to myself today. It's a day to hug loved ones in tighter and spend with friends and family. My friend comes in today and I need to see her. It's such a weird feeling. I am split right down the center - half of me wants to mourn but the other half wants to grab life by the balls and live hard. Don't take a second for granted.. If that feeling sticks around I might host tomorrow. Nice beds and pretty pools are a nice distraction. Thank you to those who said kind words and sent good thoughts last night and thank you for making sure my drink was never empty (or maybe not so much thank you :P) This community has overwhelmed me since I started with support, kindness and friendship. I'm not sure what I expected but this has been a great surprise. I am lucky to count so may of you as friends. xxMeganxx

Once in a while you come to realize that so many of our members really don't "get" the whole hobby experience, or rather, they understand that there are rules but believe they are somehow exempt. So let's help them. Let's give some handy tips to make this a more wonderful experience for all. This is a pleasant place so let's keep it constructive... and be aware that the rules shouldn't just be for clients, you can also add some helpful tips that may help a new provider too! Here goes: 1. Appointment time is at 2:00 pm, what time do I arrive? Ummmmm. Hmmmmm. What part of 2:00 pm is ambiguous? A 2 o'clock appointment means you are at her door at 2. Not 1:55, not 2:10. It's seems petty but when you screw up her schedule, you may be screwing up MY schedule. I may be the appointment at 3. I have things to do... and my schedule may not be as loosey goosey as yours. I may be using a very small window of time or I may have "commitments" that see me arriving like clockwork elsewhere. Regardless, when the little hand is at 2 and the big hand is at 12, be where you are supposed to be. 2. "I am awesomely wicked good in bed, and I often masturbate to pictures of myself nude, because I am that good looking. Can we negotiate a better rate?" In a word, No. Would you go to a restaurant and say, "I am a really good eater, can I get a better price on that steak?" Would you go to a lawyer and say, "I am an awesome criminal, can you represent me for free?" Would you go to the dentist and say, "My teeth are so bad that you should fix them all for $50!" A service provider gets paid at a set rate because she is a professional. She is good... no, not just good... wickedly awesome good, at what she does. Your part is the compensation, her part is the wicked awesome part. Pay the pretty lady and be happy. 3. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Ever step into an elevator and stand next to someone who smells like they have never met a bar of soap they liked? Ever met someone that looked like they were an extra in the Walking Dead? Have you ever gone into a bathroom after someone and wondered if they ate something dead? Step one. Go to the potty. Do your business. Wipe. Wipe again. Wipe again. and then, wipe again. Do the optical test. Last wipe. Is there any residue? If yes, start over. If no, then proceed to step two. Step Two. Shower. Clean EVERYWHERE. Rinse. Repeat. Did you pay attention to anywhere in particular??? Hmmm??? Go back to those places. Make em sparkle. (at this point I do suggest that artificial glitter is NOT necessary.) Get out of the shower. Towel dry (for pete's sake use a clean towel!)... apply a generous amount of deodorant/anti-perspirant. Brush your teeth. (if additional grooming is required, please do that too.) Step three. Clothing. Go to the place where you keep your clean clothes. No. Not the place where you put the stuff that you THINK you can wear again. The CLEAN clothes. You know that stuff that you just took from the dryer and folded nicely?? That's the stuff. Wear that shit. Uh oh... what if I have to do step one again?? Then repeat ALL the steps. Cuz skidmarks are not sexy. Febreeze showers are not acceptable. 4. I have to cancel, what do I do? Give your head a smack. With a hammer. Stop. Now take a pointy thing and stick it with great force into your upper thigh, avoiding the artery. Now, go to your car. Start it. Open the door, put your foot beneath a tire and have someone put that car in reverse. Cancellations? NOT COOL. We all know that shit happens. A death in the family. A sick kid. Decapitation with farm machinery. Thermonuclear war. Explosion of your planet from a death star ray. That shit is acceptable.... but you still owe the pretty lady an explanation AND a cancellation fee. When you cancel, providers don't eat. When providers don't eat they get distended bellies and look like kids from the CARE commercials. When you cancel, providers give not only you, but also your city, a bad reputation. This makes you masturbate more. Because you will never get laid again. Ever. You will over develop muscles in only one arm. Your clothes will fit poorly. People will figure it out and suspect you are the notorious masturbating king of cancellations. They will hunt you down and kill your family. Let's keep little Bobby and Joanie safe. If you make an appointment, keep that appointment. Your family will love you for it. 5. "I'm a little short on cash. Do you think she will notice if the envelope is a bit short?" In a word, yes. She will also point out that your penis is a bit short.... and that your skill level is a bit short... and that you cry like a bitch when you have your pathetic little man-gasm. Do you want that??? Do YOU WANT THAT, bitch??? Wow. That was a bit over-emphatic. Gonna step away from the computer and take a valium. BACK!!!! Where were we... yes. Shorting your provider. Not COOL. Remember, providers have special powers. They communicate telepathically. As soon as you walk out that door, she will know and so will all of her allies in the super friends. They will combine their superpowers and make sure that you never get wood again.... and if you do, it will be at inappropriate times... like at funerals or family gatherings or when talking to your grandfather or something like that. Seriously?? Give your head a shake. If you are short then GET the money and make sure you have it set aside BEFORE you book. You will have a wickedly awesome good time... just pay the pretty lady what you agreed to and enjoy! 6. Can I pay her in drugs? Hmmmm. Does your banker take drugs in lieu of money? Have you offered Rogers drugs in return for their cable/home phone/cell phone/internet bundle? When you get groceries at Loblaws, do they have a special drawer that says "financial equivalent in drugs?" You know the answer. "No, you addled-pated simpleton." Remember the distended belly part from above? Providers take cash because cash buys groceries, pays bills and looks pretty. Carrying cash will not get you arrested. Using cash is the engine that runs our capitalist society. "All you need is cash, cash is all you need." The Beatles sang that, I think. Your turn....

I like Angela because she has a serious eye for detail. When we first met we never even saw each others faces but as I recall her exact or close to what she said was "Lexy??" I turned around, said "Angela??" and she said "I knew it was you just by that ass lol". We had a good laugh, one of my best times meeting another lady. Big Hugs Angela, Lexy Edited: Katherine beat me to it. I like Katherine because when we first met, when spent a great gal pal night with wine, yoga pants and just being us. It was a nice fun night. Hugs, Lexy Katherine he was a good sport LMAO!! I get him as a driver all the time and said at least we had fun and were one of the smart ones to call a taxi. He's such a sweetheart and said to say hello!! He's awesome and such a gentleman.

I like Angela because she is an extremely friendly hostess to visiting ladies and has made me very welcome in Ottawa!

It's Saturday, back after a long week... yeah it's time for some kinky fun. What kind of kink do I do? Try me. I used to do fetish modelling- nothing you say is going to shock me. I've had the pleasure of fulfilling so many of my own fantasies...I'm addicted to exploring all those taboo things you're nervous to admit. I'm really easy to talk to, I excel and getting you comfortable and I take pride in what I do. A little about me: -22 years old - petite, 5'2, 115lb - 32DD natural breasts - slim waist and fit - dark hair that cascades down my back Take a quick peek at my albums to get a little taste! Rates - GFE 250$/hr Stripper 280$/hr Kink 300+/hr Give me a shout or send me a text at 613-415-5533 check out my **NEW** pictures and my NEW recommendations!

Saw Bryan Adams front row in a small venue well over 20 years ago when he was just starting out. Now going to see him again at Carnegie Hall. Kinda cool.

I had the unfortunate experience of falling for a bait and switch. Long time member here and have never done a post like this, but feel I should warn others. Pics and age are not real. Without going Into details. I just want to make everyone aware that the person is misrepresenting herself and unfortunately many people(myself included) fell for the old bait and switch.

For me I like to have a little chit chat while I am leading them to my massage room, from there if they have questions or would like to discuss in room tipping or what to expect we can have a conversation (before we start with the time paid for room) from there it's off to the shower I like to offer my assistance, either way I start the shower and excuse myself for a second to let them disrobe and settle then I return to start our time together. I think every MA has their own way and preferences, but this is just my take. Kisses XoX

It is also illegal here in Nova Scotia. A friend of mine was at a stop light recently and picked up his phone off the passenger seat to check the time. As he placed it back on the seat he was pulled over by a police officer because it was in his hand. I find even having a Bluetooth device in your ear to be equally as distracting as you are not fully aware of your environment. Hands free does not all of a sudden make you aware of what is around you. A pedestrian may try to cross the street, a driver may decide they have time to make that right hand turn, or a cyclist may weave in and out. I think that if you are going to drive or even walk (as many pedestrians are texting without looking where they are walking) then turn your phone off or put it somewhere you can't reach until you arrive at your destination. Just my 2 cents IMHO.

Watching the Lindsay Lohan interview with Oprah Winfrey. Maybe she will take a page from Robert Downey Jr. She still has a chance and if RD Jr. did it, so can she. I always try to find the good in people.

100 posts in less than a month... Jeebus... you are a machine!!!!

congrats, keep it up.

I was inspired by cat's mouth-watering post from earlier on the Sandwich thread, so I made my own version of bacon and egg salad, on a flax seed bagel. :) Also a side of sauteed asparagus, baby spinach & garlic, with a delicious cold glass of milk :) Yum.

Got some tickets to see Rachid Badouri in dec...and the best part is my two sons are coming with me :D woohoo:bigclap:

I look forward to your next 100.

Hello Gentlemen.. My name is Mandy! I have green eyes, long blonde hair, and a naturally fit body...I am a classy girl, and I take care of myself very well. I've been working in the massage industry for 6 months now... My services include sexy body slides, full body massage, reverse massage and lap dances if requested!... I am very easy to talk to and have a great personality... So why not come enjoy my beautiful behind, tight body and 36C natural breasts, you will be sure to leave with a smile :icon_razz: Feel free to check out my profile! You can find me at Paradise Spa, conveniently located in the west end of Ottawa... It is an upscale, classy and discreet spa!... Rooms include large mirrors, music, and black lights to intensify your sensual experience... In calls only please Schedule September 24th - September 29th Friday 3:30-11pm Saturday 3:30-9pm XOOOXOOOX

Going to a website yesterday and seeing that Donna Douglas just turned 80. Who is Donna Douglas, you ask? Elly Mae Clampett from the Beverly Hillbillies. Beautiful HOT Elly Mae Clampett who wore short shorts and had big bazooms and curly blonde hair and inspired many a young boner when this Old Dog was a pup.

Congratulations Thumper on the 100 post milestone. Kudo's on Emily J Photo shoot, really nice Job!!!

Congratulation Thumper on the 100 post milestone Looking forward to your next 100 posts RG

Because my ankle is still swollen from having broken it on August 1st, still can't get my left foot into my riding boots so I have to wear running shoes to ride my motorcycle. Grrrr....

Amen sista! In general I've never understood why people put other people down. It's a waste of energy and time. I guess because I'm so positive and I can see the good in everyone it's hard for me to understand why people waste their time being petty. How much satisfaction can one possibly gain from being negative towards others.

I like HalifaxMan58 and Thumper as both are relatively new and both have established themselves as prolific contributors. H-Man is a gent with a dirty side, very cool. Thump is a maverick who goes his own way.

tonight it's Campbell tomato soup with grilled cheese

LE had better things to do with their budget and time then to set up stings that target 2 consenting adults that want to get together, even when money exchanged, just so they can send some people to John school ;) Most often, they will set up stings where they advertise barely legal young girls on BP, hinting that she might not be legal to attract predators who seek the teenagers... Here's an interesting thread about the subject: http://71.6.170.35/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=123678 It includes links to various media links too. And you are right; never discuss anything about the business when meeting an SP in public. The details of the private encounter like rates and services should always be discussed in private. Otherwise, and if it's a sting, whether clients are targeted or ladies, there will be consequences. Additional Comments: I just had a look at Savannah's profile on EC. What a gorgeous woman! The gentlemen of Winnipeg are lucky to have her!!

Please add your name or nod to this thread as a show of strength for THE LIQUOR and as a force against that sob cancer that keeps invading his life. May all this positive energy help kick it out of his life for good!

Cerb newbie Angel St. Claire :) Thanks, Angel!!!

Absolutely. I hate them. I much prefer to have a flat fee, and get whatever the MA offers. If I'm not impressed with what she offered, I won't be back, and I won't write her a reco. It's that simple. One thing I've found, without exception: If someone wants to nickel and dime you for things like bodyslides, then what you'll get is a crappy bodyslide because it's being done by someone who just wants the extra $$$ and probably doesn't like doing bodyslides in the first place. Whereas if you see someone who genuinely enjoys them and makes it part of her standard service... you'll get a MUCH better experience all round.

This is from our RHAG social group, Redhead Appreciation Group on here. Have a look around! :) Think of the possibilities!! :) http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/group.php?groupid=28

Me and my tan lines ahhh!

Me rocking my new leggings lol

Great Agency in the west end used them the other night to see Zoe!!! Very friendly and on time

What makes you think they don't look at this site? I know for a fact they do as I have spoken with police in the past in regards to the site. In fact a very nice lady police investigator contacted us not too long ago asking for assistance in a case. Now, your new so I suspect you think prostitution is illegal right? We watch a lot of american TV and prostitution in Canada (unlike MOST of the USA) is very much legal here. In canada streetwalking (public solicitation), brothels (common bawdy houses) and pimping/procuring is illegal. The actual exchange for money for sex in private is very much legal and since a website is not considered a PUBLIC PLACE discussing and advertising such activities in classified ads and online is NOT illegal. We do not allow discussions of illegal nature here. Included on this list is - streetwalkers - FS massage spa's - public brothels - sex in public (including "Car dates") - underage (18 is the legal age) - drugs - pimping and so on... Hope that helps