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I don't know if this falls in line with "play on words", but I saw an ad on BP the other day for a lady that was advertising herself as a "beautiful mix of chinese and cockasian". Twice in the same ad. Maybe it would have been a funny play on words if it was done on purpose, and not by accident. I feel bad for poking fun, but seriously, proofread & spellcheck your shit, people.

14 hours on the motorbike in all kinds of inclement weather except snow.Sore and exhausted. How is this a highlight? I went to the funeral of my best friend's wife today on a remote windswept point in Cape Breton. The families had no idea I'd be there and it meant the world to everyone- including me. Small funeral, small church, big winds and waves in the bay. It was an awe inspiring backdrop.

I hope you get a little chuckle out of these like I did :-) Play on Words How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck What's the difference between roast beef and peasoup? Anyone can roast beef Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the heck out of the dog What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The location of the dirt bag Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down? Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Darn." A bad skydiver goes, "Darn." WHACK! What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it! What do you call skydiving lawyers? Skeet What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop clop? An Amish drive-by shooting How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? Somebody's gonna lose a trailer Source: http://elmblog.eddiesnipes.com/humor/jokes/play_on_words.shtml

I like to leave it to my visitor. ... I will greet acompany the gentleman to the room,offer a shower before so that they can freshen up... at that point some gentlemen would ask me to join them for the shower or they will just take ut on their own.... Sometimes gentlemen want me to help them undress and start all the fun and sometimes they rather do it on their own, in those cases I leave the room and let the gentlemen get comfortable To me it does nit really matter , my goal is always to make the visit comfortable and enjoyable to the other person.. if my visitor is comfortable I will be comfortable and will make for a goid experience foe both :)

This is a great question ElanRacer and depending on where you visit, it may vary. As Tiffany mentions, when you visit a spa the MA will show you to your room, have a friendly conversation, and leave you for a moment to get comfortable and settled in. With an independent or all inclusive spa the MA is with you for everything as Pete mentioned above. It all varies depending on what you are most comfortable with and please don't be shy to just ask your MA.

A wee bit nervous about what the folks at UoM will say. However I am told these "egg heads" are brilliant, so as they said in WW1, "trust in God but pass the ammunition"! Going to beat this one way or another. Hmmmm, wonder if Big Blue is playing football today, maybe I can grab some tailgating (or tail) before my noon check in??? Thanx again for all your support! Tom theliquor

I don't mean to be rude but what the %^*#^ is with all the bbfs requests? I took some time off and since I've come back, so many men have requested bbfs "even if I pay you more." NO... No, no and NO!! I will not offer bbfs (although I do bbbj) but that's a whole different story. Did I miss a memo somewhere? What's going on? I've been around for a while and I have NEVER had this many requests. People, please play safe, get checked regularly and please don't participate in bbfs! It's not just about pregnancy or bacterial infections! There are serious viruses out there! I'm just shocked by the number of requests, as if it's normal. Please, don't let this be the norm...

SHE MADE IT! My very good friends dog had emergency surgery today, and there was a big chance she wouldn't make it - BUT SHE DID!!! :D :D :D

Hello Cerbies :) As someone who loves clever word play, witty puns and sarcastic quips, I would be most interested to see what you have in store for us. The following was recently posted in another thread and I thought I should share it with you because it was brilliant! On a different note... "I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me." Or even something like this: Brainy teasers and riddles are great too! Riddle: I am eight letters long "12345678." My 1234 is an atmospheric condition. My 34567 supports a plant. My 4567 is to appropriate. My 45 is a friendly thank you. My 678 is a name. What word am I? Mistaken Have fun! Gabby xox

The real highlight of my day today was a long-awaited first time meeting this morning with a wonderful gentleman, which worked out perfectly to be a fantastically orgasmic & super hot awesome good time. ;) After that I took my full spare change jar to the "TD Coin Counter" to empty it & start over, and I got back $376! Not too shabby! That was followed by a well-deserved delicious home made lunch of steak & eggs (beef tenderloin, over easy organic freerun brown eggs, bell peppers, onions, fresh jalapenos, aged cheddar - YUM). Now I am thinking about an afternoon nap... Pretty friggin' awesome day so far!! lol :)

I just visited this girl. thought I would fill everyone in that is curious. Not real pics, and since we are not suppose to say anything negative I will end right there.

Really, it's ridiculous. I offer pse and bbbjcim but never bbfs. Lets just educate and get the word out. HIV people! If you don't like condoms, I have female condoms :) If a condom sabotages your hard on then female condom. I have them, lets give it a try!!! I'm excited to try!!!

Hi Gents, Don't let the ink deceive you, I'm as sweet as they come and even more playful! Spending the afternoon at Paradise and I would love some attention Come in for a relaxing full body massage and let me help rub those worries away. you can find me at 1902 Robertson Rd. until 11:00 tonight. For bookings call 613-820-8887

First of all I'd like to thank Mistert, spud and loneskater for organizing such an amazing social last night. I had so much fun! It was great meeting so many new people and putting faces to screen names :) and the treats...oh the tasty treats... As some of you know I found out yesterday that my best friend from high school lost her mother in the barhaven bus tragedy. She was an amazing lady, a second mother to me during that time. I honestly cannot believe she is really gone. I think you'll understand when I say that I am taking a day to myself today. It's a day to hug loved ones in tighter and spend with friends and family. My friend comes in today and I need to see her. It's such a weird feeling. I am split right down the center - half of me wants to mourn but the other half wants to grab life by the balls and live hard. Don't take a second for granted.. If that feeling sticks around I might host tomorrow. Nice beds and pretty pools are a nice distraction. Thank you to those who said kind words and sent good thoughts last night and thank you for making sure my drink was never empty (or maybe not so much thank you :P) This community has overwhelmed me since I started with support, kindness and friendship. I'm not sure what I expected but this has been a great surprise. I am lucky to count so may of you as friends. xxMeganxx

I felt like a million bucks today, why, because I spent an hour with a goddess named Violet, who was so perfect in every way. She works for an agency, called Guilty Pleasures. Now this is not a typical agency, it is almost an amalgamation of independent escorts. It is run by women and the girls all work together, they look after each other, they all get all very well, in fact they are a like a family. They treat their clients very well, and their getting along with each other helps that. Fantastic service from the agency, although an atypical one in a very good way. They are pretty new, I think only about 2 months on the scene, but despite being new, they don't act it, they are pros, and better than some of the "established" ones out there. Ok so I wanted to get this agency part out there, I think that it is important to know. Time for the girl. AKA the best part. I found the ad on BP. Rates are not listed except for 15 min, but a quick text answered that, 140 for HH, and 200 Hr. And there were pictures of this girl Violet, very nice looking. But in real life, those pictures forget about them, when she opened the door, jaw dropping stunningly beautiful. On a scale of 1 to 10 in the pics she is an easy 9 or 10 cutie, in real life, boom automatic 20. I get in the room, and just feel comfortable with her like you should. I love everything about this girl, her skin and flesh are so soft, such a good kisser. Great to talk to. These words are failing me, I can't say enough good things about Violet. Oh Wow, I think that sums it up nicely. Definitely trust and like Guilty Pleasures, would want to see Violet again in a heartbeat.

Disclaimer: I realize that the majority of you are paying for a sexual service and that your needs should be met within the boundaries of the escort in question. That is the service I am providing. However, that being said, I would like to call attention to what I like to refer to as "jack-hammering." This is basically extended penetrative sex and nothing else. You may be convinced that good sex requires only penetration and stamina--as well all know, women want a man who can last (I hope you can sense the sarcasm there), or perhaps it is purely selfish on your part, you do want to get your money's worth after all. So you pound your paid sex partner, over and over, squeezing in every possible available second. In which case, I am not a blow-up doll. I am not an object solely for your use. Keep in mind, I do not think it is a problem, for example, if you would like to simply pay to receive a blowjob, provided you realize the skill and time involved in administering a good blowjob. And I do not think penetrative sex itself is bad. But if you are interested in engaging in a full range of sexual behaviour, please realize that "sex" does not simply equal penetration for as long as humanly possible. After awhile it is painful, un-stimulating and rather boring. If a woman is not turned on, she doesn't create those delicious lubricating fluids that can make penetrative sex so wonderful. So take the time to pay attention to things like kissing and groping and licking and nibbling and so on. If the first thing you're going for is penetration, you have skipped so many amazing, naughty fun things to do to one another. While we are providing a very intimate service, aimed at generating your pleasure and satisfaction, we have emotions, and physical limits. So keep that in mind the next time you're with your favourite lady. Happy pooning!

I like Lexy Grace because I've heard so many nice things about her. She speaks her mind on subjects she is passionate about and a valued member of the CERB community. I like Thumper because he is a bit of a rogue and goes his own way!

I like Angela because she has a serious eye for detail. When we first met we never even saw each others faces but as I recall her exact or close to what she said was "Lexy??" I turned around, said "Angela??" and she said "I knew it was you just by that ass lol". We had a good laugh, one of my best times meeting another lady. Big Hugs Angela, Lexy Edited: Katherine beat me to it. I like Katherine because when we first met, when spent a great gal pal night with wine, yoga pants and just being us. It was a nice fun night. Hugs, Lexy Katherine he was a good sport LMAO!! I get him as a driver all the time and said at least we had fun and were one of the smart ones to call a taxi. He's such a sweetheart and said to say hello!! He's awesome and such a gentleman.

Went to see Brandy from CL this afternoon, not bad part of town if the sun is out. But her place is clean and she does have a great attitude, lack of skills in the massage dept. but good service otherwise. I would repeat one day.

Yup. You're in my thoughts today.

Thinking of you.

Watching the Lindsay Lohan interview with Oprah Winfrey. Maybe she will take a page from Robert Downey Jr. She still has a chance and if RD Jr. did it, so can she. I always try to find the good in people.

Your issue may not have been your ISP. Check out http://techland.time.com/2013/09/24/google-apologizes-for-gmail-slowness/

100 posts in less than a month... Jeebus... you are a machine!!!!

I wouldn't go as far as to say mine is the best because, let's face it, "the best" is relative. I am also a modest woman and I am most positive many other ladies are just as skilled as me and offer a fantastic PM too. All I can say is that I can personally assure you that my patrons keep asking for more ;) How about experiencing a slippery hand massage with alternating sloppy wet oral while receiving a prostate massage?? :) See my latest Ottawa ad for details ;) Gabby xox

Well done, Thumper! Thanks for your contributions.

I was inspired by cat's mouth-watering post from earlier on the Sandwich thread, so I made my own version of bacon and egg salad, on a flax seed bagel. :) Also a side of sauteed asparagus, baby spinach & garlic, with a delicious cold glass of milk :) Yum.

Treat yourself to an unforgettable amazing erotic full body massage enjoy showers,bodyslides,Duos & lots of fun!I'm 5'8 tall & fit long blonde hair & beautiful blue eyes always ready to try new things absolutely experienced! My wkly Schedule @ Angels Touch Massage! Frid Sept 27th 630-11pm Sat Sept 28th 10am-4pm Don't miss out ask me your ?s today! Text me @ 613-601-9190 or Pm me or call spa for an apt @613-274-7073 Massage Rates (Door Fee only) 30mins $50 45 mins $60 1h $80

Got some tickets to see Rachid Badouri in dec...and the best part is my two sons are coming with me :D woohoo:bigclap:

OMG!!!!!!!!!! How did I miss it!!!! Hmmmmm.... to make up for my badness you may have to come over and spank me..... xoxoxoxxo Happy belated birthday chica!!!!!

Going to a website yesterday and seeing that Donna Douglas just turned 80. Who is Donna Douglas, you ask? Elly Mae Clampett from the Beverly Hillbillies. Beautiful HOT Elly Mae Clampett who wore short shorts and had big bazooms and curly blonde hair and inspired many a young boner when this Old Dog was a pup.

Amen sista! In general I've never understood why people put other people down. It's a waste of energy and time. I guess because I'm so positive and I can see the good in everyone it's hard for me to understand why people waste their time being petty. How much satisfaction can one possibly gain from being negative towards others.

I like HalifaxMan58 and Thumper as both are relatively new and both have established themselves as prolific contributors. H-Man is a gent with a dirty side, very cool. Thump is a maverick who goes his own way.

MissMadisonxox, with thanks and appreciation!!

We Most certainly have been having a very hot and steamy pm exchange Thanks for the Post Luv xxo P.S Im adding my fav bum pic of myself Hope you don't mind :p

Unfortunately, it is :( Indeed, those excuses along with "I am allergic to latex, can I get BBFS" and/or "I have been with my wife for 30 years, never had sex with anyone else during that time, I am disease free, can't get an erection with a condom, can we have BBFS" or the opposite "I am a virgin" get used a lot and those BBFS requests are more common then one might expect. Your back door comment is also accurate... These types of emails always have a pattern to them too. It usually goes something like this: - First, he let's you know he is disease free - secondly, he let's you know he is more than comfortable financially - then explains his monogamous life - then explains his problem with an erection when wearing a condom - then gives the lady/SP great compliments - then shares his concerns about the SP being disease free - then offers "papers" to show he is "clean" and requires the same thing from the SP - then there is usually a reinforcement about how good looking he is, how wealthy he is, how he would be a good client and how he cares about his health (and yours) - then they often go into the "if you are not willing to offer BBFS, please do not be rude because I asked" - and if you have the misfortune of dealing with someone who is persistent, after you say no, they will come back with other "valid points" as to why you should offer them BBFS, remind you that you would be missing out on a lot and then come back with a higher $number... From experience (not only personal but from other ladies), I can assure you that BBFS requests come from men from all ages. .................. I am posting this email request as an example, edited to protect the man's privacy and his personal information, just to give you an idea of the manipulation involved in those types of request. Since I was not the one to receive that particular request, my lady friend gave me permission to post it in this thread. "Hello, I'm a tall, fit, handsome, intelligent, respectful, 100% disease free man who lives in xxx who collects a hefty xxxx and who has been in a faithful relationship with the same woman for the past x years but sadly the passion is now gone and I need some fun in my life. I would like to see you as soon as possible. I am looking for one classy honest, disease free provider to share a series of very special experiences with. As long as provide you with info to do a thorough back round check on me as well as current up to date medical proof that I'm 100% disease free and I also need proof that your totally healthy as well! Can we do a 6 hour BBFS session? Please email me your decision, thank you. I am a member of xxx and I do take maintaining my perfect health very seriously. P.S I am not the kind of guy to jump into a BBFS situation with both guns blazing because my perfect health is very important to me but as long as your willing to be honest with me and provide me with all the documentation that you are totally clean and once we get to know one another and build a trust between us is a 6 HOUR BBFS session possible? If you are not interested just politely say no but please don't go out of your way to insult me because there is no need for that, thank you and I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible. P.S I am more then happy to donate extra, for the extra care and consideration. One more thing I forgot to mention, I am very well endowed! I am built way above the standard in every way imaginable! "

On a whim, I TOFTT yesterday and arranged to meet with Victoria at a clean downtown hotel. Her response to my txt inquiry on clarification of the HYDRATED title in her ad only proved to heighten my curiosity and anticipation. I'm glad I took the chance. Victoria proved to be very cute, great smile, tiny breasts (still cute, even for this big, natural breast fan), spinnerish, but with an adorable jiggle in her badunkadonck wiggle. YMMV, but bbbj was intense and sensual at same time. I asked if she could display her water skills, and she proceeded to lie back and give me the most amazing view of her self pleasure. No waterworks in the end, but by that time I was so turned on, I grabbed her and said it was time to do this thing! When I commented that I'd really love to tap that perfect, squeezable booty, she surprised me by letting me know that could certainly happen, for xtra donation. Didn't take but half a second before we enjoyed some amazing greek; slow and gentle to start but finishing off quite intense, heart racing and hard. Short story, this grlz a sweetheart, very cute and quite a lil' dynamo. If you've been pondering her ads, don't think any further. You'll be glad you did.

Should have seen the warning signs from the start. Two way too hot girls starting ads on BP around the same time. Both the same age and though there were different phone numbers posted, each was suspiciously absent of a location. Contacted both. Got a reply from Katie only. Seemed to be going well until she mentioned that she doesn't take cash, only internet transfer. Smelling a scam, I asked her if I would transfer the funds once we met up. She replied saying that I would have to do it before we met. Making up some crappy excuse about how it was for her security. I ended the conversation there. Anyways... verdict: SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM

These girls run the best agency in Ottawa in my opinion.

Great Agency in the west end used them the other night to see Zoe!!! Very friendly and on time

Erika Knight

Dude, seriously...just fucking do it. Who can you trust? Everyone. All the ladies who advertise here and have review threads are absolutely trustworthy as far as your needs are concerned. You're not giving them your bank account or SIN number or first born child for fucks sake. Shave your nuts, wash your ass, head to the ATM and have at it. Don't be a pussy.

OD, what were you thinking? Come on! :sadomaso: You forgot to include in your number 10 that NO lady wants to see a picture of their male junk :obs55:, big or small, shaved or not, in their introduction email ;)