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Fundamentally we are social creatures. It is through our relationships with our friends and families that we form our identities and we find validation. It's how we define ourselves. Sometimes when we ask a question we're really not seeking the truth, but rather validation. It's always a risk, and sometimes it's a test of friendship: do we get a lie, the truth, or some version of the two. Sometimes absolute truth isn't nice or helpful. That's why it's called brutal honesty. And in my view, if we engage in brutal honesty all the time, then we probably are failing as a friend, spouse, etc. that's why people who are brutally honest often are lonely people. Of course, in their view it's everyone else's fault because they can't deal with the truth. No one, in my view, can claim the right to be the absolute judge of truth. Look at the ladies on this board. All sorts of different body types. Not all of which are attractive to me. But I'm not going to pronounce judgement over too large or too thin, etc. Cause one thing is clear ... I might not think that outfit looks good, or that body type is attractive, but it might be just what someone else considers gorgeous. Sometime being judgmental gets wrapped up in claims of honesty. It really is about context and the strength of the relationships of the people involved. Porthos

I read a comment left on an entry that I made earlier today in the Highlights of the Day thread that caused me to think a bit more about our CERB family. CERB - the more that I get involved with it and the more that I read contributions that are made in its forums has many of the characteristics of a family. This does not refer to a 'traditional' family, but also to the dysfunctional family, the family divided, the extended family and probably any other sort of family that one could devise as well. There is certainly a common denominator for all of us that explains our initial presence as a part of this family, but once involved, I see so often how people begin to interact with each other in ways totally apart from that commonality that we all have. These differences are many but I am thinking today of the ability of CERB members to support each other in the same way as families members might do. I have seen so many examples of this in the past year where people who have never met each other, and in all likelihood never will meet each other have gone out of their ways to help another member. I have seen the genuine welcomes made to new members. I have seen the assistance provided to those who are finding their way through this maze called CERB. I have seen the authentic best wishes sent for birthdays and milestones. I have seen people reach out to those who are in trouble, be it those who are fighting an addiction or those who are trying to cope with a death in their circle of friends or family or those who are fighting an illness or other personal trauma. Something as simple as sending a hug when it is deemed necessary, or sending a personal PM or email at just that "right" time can make a difference to someone else. I can see or sense how the determination and ability of individuals members to cope in certain situations can and has inspired others. For myself, CERB has become a family in its own right. There are only a few here who truly know how much they have helped me. In many cases members probably cannot even think that I might be referring to them when I say that or be able to think of what they said or did that impacted me in such a profound way. Sometimes we as individuals do not realize or are never made aware of just how important a little personal gesture can be in making someone feel better or even how that simple gesture might turn a persons life around for the better. Do you recall the young fellow who got that hot air balloon ride, largely due to the CERB members and the initiative of Chanel Reign with her Random Act of Kindness thread. That is something that he shall always remember. The CERB family makes a difference in so many ways. Good on the CERB family.

The fact is that sometimes the truth hurts. Plain and simple. To be in a position of having to be the deliverer of that truth puts one in a position of having to choose the best way to do it. We can choose to be blunt, concise, short, decide not to temper anything and simply disregard the feelings of the person to whom we are speaking. Depending on that person this can be construed as someone being mean, rude and hurtful, even though they do desire to know the 'truth'. Or, we can choose our words carefully, convey empathy and concern and deliver exactly the same message in a way that may still upset the recipient, but will leave the recipient with an ally or someone that they feel they can commiserate with. Your knowledge of self and your connection to and knowledge of the other person will determine what manner is best to approach a topic that can cause worry or pain to another person. We all respect those people that we consider to be honest and straightforward, but we respect even more those who can be that way but who are also considerate of the feelings of others. The choice is for each of us to make.

'cause if we all did that, very soon none of us would have anyone left in our company to be direct with. ;)

Honesty is always the best policy! Or is it? It depends on ... 1) how close of a relationship you have with the person. 2) the seriousness (or triviality) of the matter in question - white lies are easier to pull off - and less guilt-inducing than hiding something BIG! 3) whether you think they can handle the honest-to-goodness truth. 4) a need-to-know-basis (useful for pesky Nosey Parkers). 5) perceived wounded pride for admitting something about yourself that you'd rather keep stashed away in the depths of your being. This is hardly a complete list, just some basic thoughts. It is a balance between wanting to be sincere and true, not only to yourself, but your closest friends, and the wider world. When you choose not to be forthright, you may also hurt people you care about, by pretending to be a fake version of yourself. It's not possible to always be honest, but the people that are, most of the time, have less to remember and sleep better. :) Just some of my random ramblings.

Not only that but some things are better left unsaid... To take one of Cristy's examples, I would never dare to tell my host that supper was aweful (no matter how carefully I chose my words) and would most likely just thank them for an interesting dining experience.

Those are all excellent examples. I'm not sure I have answers for all of these questions. But in general, I'd agree with some of the other comments in this thread. It's all about context, the strength of a relationship, the expectations between the two people, and how serious the issue is. I don't think individual relationships between two people are also subject to lots of ambiguity and uncertainty in communication. Questions aren't always posed for a truthful answer, and silence isn't always an option. Anyone shopping with their partner and asked whether an article of clothing looks good/makes them look big/etc., etc. knows this to be true. In general, I tend to believe that the more serious the issue is, the greater the need for truth, although frequently the more difficult it is to be forthright. (the exception for this is, of course, all hobbying related activities which justifies no end of concealment). This is why truth often tests relationships in ways that nothing else can. So, in the examples you mention, I don't think concealing how serious a family member's illness might be, or sugar coating a diagnosis is correct at all. Having said that, it could depend. Would you be totally honest with a child about their parent or grandparent's terminal illness? Or would some "sugar coating" be warranted. Again, context becomes important. Health care professionals are under a legal obligation to be truthful in communicating information. It actually really angers me when I hear about health care professionals not being completely forthcoming (although again I do understand the reasons ... but it seems to me that the law and taken away that "choice" from them). In general, each person has to judge the situation they find themselves in. And to be fair, we sometimes are very self-centered when we aren't being completely truthful. I remember a girlfriend I had years ago, who early on in our relationship invited me over to her apartment for dinner. Great, I thought. This is moving along nicely. She then served me the most hideous meal that one can imagine. Emily Rushton has heard this story, so she can verify that it was pretty horrendous. I wasn't sure what this dinner meant. Was I being dumped, and this was the final wrath being handed out, or did she really like this and thought I would too. Well, I ate every mouthful and said it was delicious, in the hope that sex was still a possibility for the evening. As it turns out, it was good thing I ate it. Because sex was on offer!!!! Now, had I been honest, I think I would have been dumped and probably waiting for wrath to be dished out at a later date. Porthos

I just wanted to show a couple of honesty answer that are better then the "sugar coated" answer. I have a good oral hygiene but one time I had a crack in a tooth I did not know about and I was told that I had bad breath. Sure it hurt to hear that but I took care of the problem right away and was thankful for the honesty. On the first Christmas with my SO before we got married she got me some chocolate(Ferrero Rocher) which I did not care much for but told her they were my favorite and she had been getting me them every year for about 5 years until I told her once that I did not like them that much. She was crushed but understood why I did it and now I get my favorite sweets instead of what I did not enjoy has much. My SO is an excellent cook and from time to time she will change a recipe sometime its for the better and sometime its not, I'm honest with her and she will not repeat the ones that I/we don't like. On a last note I agree about being honest but there is a time and place and a way to do it. Keep in mind that we all have different taste and what one person likes is not the same as the other.

The truth according to who? Sometimes the truth is subjective. Example you don't like their cooking, but others do. It would be difficult not to be mean or rude if we all went around telling the "truth" for every little thing as we see it. I'm not suggesting you have to sugar coat everything, but some things are better left unsaid. "Discretion is the better part of valour". As for the last two examples you gave, medicine is not an exact science, and I believe health professionals aim to tell the person and loved ones as accurate a picture that they can foresee for their patients. I am sure at the time both the vet and doctor did think they'd be okay. I have had a cousin who developed brain cancer and her doctor told her she had about a year to live. She actually hung on longer than that, but there was no sugar coating in this case.

Yes, I'm all for the diplomacy route. Reminds me of the landmine question when one's significant other asks..............does this make me look fat? Additional Comments: Oh, and great answer Emma

Just like the motto of this site says:If you don't have anything nice to say...say nothing at all. That's what i was taught growing up as well..so sometimes the truth is best left unsaid especially if it's going to hurt someone.

If an SP is using words or phrases such as "top notch", "the Best", etc it usually is an indication that they are trying to oversell their services and a tall order to live up to if you ask me. If a potential client falls for this sort of advertising, they are bound to be disappointed. There is a reason a person will look at your ad. Something obviously caught their eye but if it is something like "I am the best", they may or may not believe it. Then again what is considered the best? The words "classy", "VIP", "Elite" are often overused in my opinion and once again a way to make clients believe they are offering something that may be better. Now I know many SPs use this words and many may provide a great experience for clients while others just tend to throw it in there. It's just like the term GFE used in advertising which may or may not be true. All of these terms are common within the adult industry. I find the best way to describe yourself is by being genuine. While we as SPs are offering a fantasy, if you let your audience know who you are as a person while describing your attributes in a way that reflects on your services, you will definitely create a buzz where they will want to know more. This will lead to more bookings. Everyone is intuitive to a certain extent and they can hone in on what is considered phony or fake. Your advertising should clear, concise and above everything else, keep it real! Be yourself and you will reap the rewards.

Was your opinion asked for, or are you chipping in uninvited? Can you say nothing, or have you been put on the spot? Can you be tactful rather than brutally honest? What sort of relationship do you have with the person you're talking to? What sort of relationship would you like have with the person you're talking to? How much do you care about hurting them in the immediate future? And in the long run? How much do you care about their well-being, both now and in the long term? How good or bad will you feel about lying? Or getting the truth out there? Are we talking about an objective truth, or just your opinion? How much does it matter? To you? To them? To others? What are the likely consequences of the unvarnished truth, or tactful version of it, or a white lie, or an absolute whopper? And when you've answered all those questions... what makes you think I'll have a clue what you should do anyway? Or that the right answer for me is also the right answer for you? We all have to make these decisions, sometimes in a split second and without warning. Nobody said it was easy.

You should definitely go. It's totally awesome. While you're there, go and see Strokkur:

I'm easily confused! Especially when thinking about boobs and finishes! :redface:

My first thought!

One day I will go there, no matter what is cost me... (I also need to figure out where it is)

To put it bluntly, if there was no CERB I would not be an SP. On FaceBook yesterday I saw a "funny" that had a scraggly street walker standing by a post. The caption was, "If you have to ask, you can't afford it". I just shook my head, as there was that stereotype yet again. Here on CERB I know I am not alone. I know I am reasonably safe by my own practices and this site. And I definitively know I am not/and never was, that woman in the picture. Because we are small in population and a gov't town, that puts Ottawa in a unique niche. One we should be thankful for. Other cities have their unique qualities/problems as well. We may fight like cats and dogs sometimes, but when push comes to shove, we tend to come together when we need to. If that's not extended family, I don't know what is.

Way to go! you turned a funny thread into a drama!:vatefaire:a few people poke a little fun at a post and you have to go off on a rant!

Cleo, My mother, who is Irish with a great sense of humor, once told me that the best way to treat a woman is to talk to her like an equal but look at her like a superior. This is also the same woman who said that if I wanted panties as trophies I better learn to run from father with shotguns.

Depends why she is wanting to increase her Breast Size?? Is she lacking in size, does she believe her life will be worth more unless you have bigger boobs?? They are all shapes and sizes.....and are created naturally. They can get a boob job, their choice, they are adults.....hopefully. But it boils down to what is her reason. Yes I know there are Ladies on CERB that have enhanced breasts and good for them. But I despise enhanced breasts, that is why I am not their client.

Nicki you are so right. I just went and peeked at your albums and I must say we both have an amazing ass to titty ratio. :icon_wink:

I won't be getting one anytime soon... Looks great on the ladies though. That what you're looking for?

You want the truth??.... Peace MG

I actually don't think most people want the truth. It hurts!! People want the highly massaged version of the truth.

Charlie Sheen, goddesses.

If I were choosing gals pals to raise hell with it would be me,pink, and the big girl from bridesmaids(sorry I don't know her name)as the character she played.The guys I would like to party with would be chris farley(if he were still living),mike tyson,if he were still bad,and collin farrell.I am sure with this crew there would be non stop laughing,drinking,just plain,in your face kind of fun!

I love my life. Can that be my highlight of the day every day?

Bumping up this thread from last year, as a gentle reminder to gentlemen during hot weather - we know you're going to look, and most ladies enjoy a respectful compliment. But please keep the loud, harassing calls to yourself, they make us feel terrible!

Interesting thread! A couple years back, I went in with a few other ladies on an experiment to get more bang for our buck out of some classified advertising. Having limited line space to work with, there was some debate as to what wording we should use. All I asked is that we not use "upscale" -- no way could I pull that one off!!! ;) I long ago stopped thinking in terms of advertising and think only in terms of connecting with those who are right for me. So my ads tend to be more about them than about me. If anything, I try to downplay anything that might generate a broader appeal because I understand that my demographic is very specific. Trying to sell to everyone would just waste everyone's time and would waste my time as well. Many of us don't need a lot of new business, as we base our bread and butter on repeat business. And that's why so many SPs keep their advertising understated and low-key. However, I'm not at all prepared to state that anyone who "oversells" is a poor SP. She may be still figuring out advertising, or she may be getting some atrocious advice from someone who self-identifies as a "marketing expert." I'm not at all convinced that there's a correlation between the quality of an SPs advertising and her quality of service. Poor advertising strategies are more likely to result in more work for the SP as a consequence than anything else.

A lady of that certain quality, such as those mentioned here, would enhance whatEVER city you might be with her in. It's not the locale that makes the company great, it's the company that makes the locale great

This topic always bothers me as photos are a personal choice.This is my second time in this business and what I have learned is like any other successful business a person may run, the old saying "you have to spend money, to make money" is very true. Yes all my photos are professional, yes they are all shot to make me look my best, and yes they are 100% me. They were worth every penny I spent and I will only use photos that are shot by a professional. The whole object of professional or glamour shots is to find a photographer that will keep you - you. (hence the reason I have flown on 2 occasional across the country for photos) I look natural and real in my photos, and I feel better than any cell phone photo would. I want potential clients to see that I invest in myself (website, photos, blog, well maintained (ie: hair, nails,etc) I treat being Emily as if it were any other job that I may have, as in I give 110%. Why should I expect a client to invest in my if I have not invested in myself? The only comment I keep getting about my photos is that I look better in person(this is from men and women), so on that note i will always and only have professional photos done. (look at Victoria Jolie, Emma Alexandra, Keissy Hennessey, Gabriella Laurence, Charlotte Sinclair, Amelia Middleton and Dorinda Bloom) Those are several examples of real tasteful professional photos and all the above women look as good in person as in their photos) At the end of the day professional photos have a bad rep, one that I hope ladies like myself and others who invest in professional photos will help change.

I may be horribly old-fashioned, but I think that people who really do operate at the top end of things don't need to say so. You can just tell, from looking at their websites, their pictures; the way they compose not just their ads but pretty much everything else they post too. And when you meet them, you can tell from the way they speak and act, too. Classy people understand that going around telling everyone how classy you are is really not a classy thing to do at all. The truly elite understand that grainy cellphone-in-the-bathroom-mirror pics don't give the impression they'd like to put out there; that a same-as-everyone-else's website won't cut it and that you need something that looks like someone has put time and effort into it. They understand that they're judged not just on the ads they put up, but on their entire online presence - website, emails, pics, posts, everything. And they're judged not just once, but continually, by everyone. The point is that if you want the world to think that you're classy/elite/whatever, it's no good just saying so in an ad - any fool can do that. You have to *be* the elite. Always. And that's a hard thing to do. A final word: I'm well aware that the stuff above sounds horribly judgemental and obnoxious. It's not meant to be - honest! The point I'm trying to make is that placing yourself at the top of the market and staying there is *hard*. It's probably not for everyone. I have a huge amount of respect for those that can do it. But the common touch is nothing to be ashamed of, and I have just as much respect for those ladies who advertise themselves as the girl-next-door, or whatever else they choose. There's absolutely nothing wrong with someone who's more... well... normal, and I'm pretty sure that most of us guys spend most of our time visiting ladies who are more like us, and less like the untouchable elite. When all's said and done, none of us can tell you how to market yourself. You know who and what you are better than anyone, and if the image you present reflects *you* then that's probably best, in the long run. The one thing I don't have any time for is people who try and sell themselves as something they're clearly not.

My suggestion is to be honest about who you are. Descriptive words are great, as long as they are accurate. Guys all have different things that they look for in a woman, so there will always be some that are interested in you (and some that won't). Tall, thin, curvy, younger, older - it doesn't matter. Just be honest and confident in who you are. What we don't like it to be duped. We don't want to show up expecting one thing and finding a woman who is not at all like what was described. Also, if your ad can give a little insight into your personality, it would help. This is usually the determining factor for me. A woman's personality and character is far more appealing than any of her physical features. Just a few rambling thoughts...

Soft touch of the perky breasts because once you start rubbing those jewels and out pops an Emerald. You know you struck the right place for Treasure. BD

Lately I have been fantisizing about being an interior decorator and getting to do cool concept rooms and lounges for themed hotels like you would find in those artsy hotels in Denmark or in themed casino hotels in Las Vegas. So if any of you who dream of openning a B&B want themed rooms, gimme call. I would just love to come up with neat rooms, make them, look at them for a few minutes, take a photo, and then move on. That would be awesome.

So, several people have observed that this comes up over and over again, and therefore doesn't need to be repeated. The former is self-evidently true. The latter, alas, I disagree with :) Yes, some of the folks here have been around a long time and have heard this before and either taken it on board or didn't need telling in the first place (most of this is common courtesy and basic hygiene, after all). But we constantly have new members joining CERB; I very much doubt that many of them spend time trawling through the archives, and I suspect quite a few don't even read the sticky threads in the various forums. So having this put up there for all to see on occasion isn't a Bad Thing, IMO. The fact that a SP feels it needs to be said - again - is probably proof that some folks haven't yet got the message, and that it *does* need repeating. And if someone, somewhere takes it on board as a result of this thread, whether it's the first time they've read this or the hundredth, then I think the thread has justified its existence. Those who know it all already are free to move along.

I find most men here understand what is to be expected on a date with an SP( or any lady otherwise). However there are those who have been with the same women for so long, they forget how to impress a date! I have have started some professional relationships, whereas, they truly did not think of a few details. One night I had a duo night, the fella was sort of shy type. Did not date often, no girlfriend ever, and was about 27 yrs. Well this night, he arrived. Well, as we began to de-robe my GF and I noticed an awful oder:( He was medically fine, but was a heavy man. My in-experienced GF looked at me with a surprised face! She obviously did not know how to approach this situation. I immediately took the lead.... I politely took him aside, whispered in his ear and asked if he please join us in the shower. He loved this idea! I am sure he did take the time to shower, but perhaps did not pay close attention. I ran a bath, scented with oils, gave him a good Japanese style bath, then we showered. We continued with our evening. Having a grand time all together! The next visit, he was all clean, well groomed, and smelling of sandalwood! Since then we have become good friends! I just had to teach him what is acceptable on a date. I did it without embarrassing him, or lowering his already low esteem issues. I was happy for this outcome:)

For me it's about the companionship of which the sexual side is but one part of it. I enjoy all aspects of the encounter. And I don't see encounters as a zero sum game, that is, whatever I gain is at a ladies loss (irrespective of me being the client), it is mutually beneficial, and both the lady and gentleman should be able to have a positive encounter RG