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Once in a while you come to realize that so many of our members really don't "get" the whole hobby experience, or rather, they understand that there are rules but believe they are somehow exempt. So let's help them. Let's give some handy tips to make this a more wonderful experience for all. This is a pleasant place so let's keep it constructive... and be aware that the rules shouldn't just be for clients, you can also add some helpful tips that may help a new provider too! Here goes: 1. Appointment time is at 2:00 pm, what time do I arrive? Ummmmm. Hmmmmm. What part of 2:00 pm is ambiguous? A 2 o'clock appointment means you are at her door at 2. Not 1:55, not 2:10. It's seems petty but when you screw up her schedule, you may be screwing up MY schedule. I may be the appointment at 3. I have things to do... and my schedule may not be as loosey goosey as yours. I may be using a very small window of time or I may have "commitments" that see me arriving like clockwork elsewhere. Regardless, when the little hand is at 2 and the big hand is at 12, be where you are supposed to be. 2. "I am awesomely wicked good in bed, and I often masturbate to pictures of myself nude, because I am that good looking. Can we negotiate a better rate?" In a word, No. Would you go to a restaurant and say, "I am a really good eater, can I get a better price on that steak?" Would you go to a lawyer and say, "I am an awesome criminal, can you represent me for free?" Would you go to the dentist and say, "My teeth are so bad that you should fix them all for $50!" A service provider gets paid at a set rate because she is a professional. She is good... no, not just good... wickedly awesome good, at what she does. Your part is the compensation, her part is the wicked awesome part. Pay the pretty lady and be happy. 3. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Ever step into an elevator and stand next to someone who smells like they have never met a bar of soap they liked? Ever met someone that looked like they were an extra in the Walking Dead? Have you ever gone into a bathroom after someone and wondered if they ate something dead? Step one. Go to the potty. Do your business. Wipe. Wipe again. Wipe again. and then, wipe again. Do the optical test. Last wipe. Is there any residue? If yes, start over. If no, then proceed to step two. Step Two. Shower. Clean EVERYWHERE. Rinse. Repeat. Did you pay attention to anywhere in particular??? Hmmm??? Go back to those places. Make em sparkle. (at this point I do suggest that artificial glitter is NOT necessary.) Get out of the shower. Towel dry (for pete's sake use a clean towel!)... apply a generous amount of deodorant/anti-perspirant. Brush your teeth. (if additional grooming is required, please do that too.) Step three. Clothing. Go to the place where you keep your clean clothes. No. Not the place where you put the stuff that you THINK you can wear again. The CLEAN clothes. You know that stuff that you just took from the dryer and folded nicely?? That's the stuff. Wear that shit. Uh oh... what if I have to do step one again?? Then repeat ALL the steps. Cuz skidmarks are not sexy. Febreeze showers are not acceptable. 4. I have to cancel, what do I do? Give your head a smack. With a hammer. Stop. Now take a pointy thing and stick it with great force into your upper thigh, avoiding the artery. Now, go to your car. Start it. Open the door, put your foot beneath a tire and have someone put that car in reverse. Cancellations? NOT COOL. We all know that shit happens. A death in the family. A sick kid. Decapitation with farm machinery. Thermonuclear war. Explosion of your planet from a death star ray. That shit is acceptable.... but you still owe the pretty lady an explanation AND a cancellation fee. When you cancel, providers don't eat. When providers don't eat they get distended bellies and look like kids from the CARE commercials. When you cancel, providers give not only you, but also your city, a bad reputation. This makes you masturbate more. Because you will never get laid again. Ever. You will over develop muscles in only one arm. Your clothes will fit poorly. People will figure it out and suspect you are the notorious masturbating king of cancellations. They will hunt you down and kill your family. Let's keep little Bobby and Joanie safe. If you make an appointment, keep that appointment. Your family will love you for it. 5. "I'm a little short on cash. Do you think she will notice if the envelope is a bit short?" In a word, yes. She will also point out that your penis is a bit short.... and that your skill level is a bit short... and that you cry like a bitch when you have your pathetic little man-gasm. Do you want that??? Do YOU WANT THAT, bitch??? Wow. That was a bit over-emphatic. Gonna step away from the computer and take a valium. BACK!!!! Where were we... yes. Shorting your provider. Not COOL. Remember, providers have special powers. They communicate telepathically. As soon as you walk out that door, she will know and so will all of her allies in the super friends. They will combine their superpowers and make sure that you never get wood again.... and if you do, it will be at inappropriate times... like at funerals or family gatherings or when talking to your grandfather or something like that. Seriously?? Give your head a shake. If you are short then GET the money and make sure you have it set aside BEFORE you book. You will have a wickedly awesome good time... just pay the pretty lady what you agreed to and enjoy! 6. Can I pay her in drugs? Hmmmm. Does your banker take drugs in lieu of money? Have you offered Rogers drugs in return for their cable/home phone/cell phone/internet bundle? When you get groceries at Loblaws, do they have a special drawer that says "financial equivalent in drugs?" You know the answer. "No, you addled-pated simpleton." Remember the distended belly part from above? Providers take cash because cash buys groceries, pays bills and looks pretty. Carrying cash will not get you arrested. Using cash is the engine that runs our capitalist society. "All you need is cash, cash is all you need." The Beatles sang that, I think. Your turn....

I really hope to change your mind So please listen to my plea Rumour has it SPs from my city Offer full service BB Which means they use no condom When letting clients 'in' You all know in this business That's a major mortal sin We must keep one another safe It's the only thing we've got So by accepting this behaviour You're worse off than I thought No amount of cash you've got Will convince me to sex bare If you ever try and do it I'll crush your balls I swear Paid sex can't be unprotected Your dick could get infected So for those of us who don't And no matter what we won't Are the ones you need to see To remain STD free

When I first became an active member on Cerb about 2 1/2 years ago there was a young lady who immediately caught my eye. I loved her fun and intelligent personality, humor and wit, friendly nature.... and she is HOT ! She took a hiatus :( but she came back :D Over the last few months I have really got to know this remarkable woman. I really came to love what I saw both inside and out. She's was a goddess in my eyes and I hadn't met her yet. The recent few weeks we had been discussing options and possible locations to meet and fortunately I was able to route myself through Ottawa after a visit to Toronto. I had the extreme pleasure of spending a considerable amount of time with her and any and all expectations of meeting this lady were exceeded big time !!! Goddess is pretty much an understatement. Cleo Catra The awesome fun and happy smile you see constantly ! The come and get me smile ..... What smile ? Who said anything about a smile ? That's just a hot freaking candid pic ;)

17. The chance encounter You sir, need new socks. Yes you do. The old socks in your drawer were purchased when Gilligan's Island was a new show on TV. Well, Mr. Frugal, you shall treat yourself to a shopping spree... indeed. Sox-a-palooza. You shall purchase 4 new pairs of socks. You might even get daring and buy a pair that is adorned with argyle... maybe even a stripe. You are a sock buying machine. Where to go. Aha! The mall. And that's where it happens. You see her. Alotta Fagina. The woman that rocked your socks off just last week. OHHHH MY GOD. That's Alotta Fagina. But wait. Alotta Fagina is not alone. Could that be... hmmmmm.... it looks like her... yes.... it has to be.... Mama Fagina, Alotta's mom. And that other woman... also seems to look like Alotta... Good Gods... it's Younger Fagina. You see three Faginas approaching you. What do you do???? The answer my friend is... nothing. In this hobby we have all seen Alotta Fagina. We know that sometimes Faginas need a break. You need to understand that the woman you see in that mall is NOT Ms Fagina now... and unless you know each other in some plausible other way (like being a neighbour, a high school friend, her dentist or first cousin <awkward!!!!>), you will not approach. You probably will give her a bit of a lecherous stare, because you still have testicles... but that is where it has to stop. You'd want her to leave you alone when you are with your non-hobby people; respect that she wants the same as you. Go to the food court, order a bacon sandwich and plan the rest of your sock adventure! 18. I am feeling a little under the weather, but I have a stiffy. Good for you! Now go to the interwebs. Get the provider's number. Call her. Tell her that you are a sick little monkey. Tell her that you can't make your appointment but would love to rebook. Send her an email money transfer with a cancellation fee. Go to the bathroom. Get the box of Kleenex, the bottle of Jergens lotion, and a Dristan. Go back to your computer. Find a website with naked people having sex. Apply Jergens. Wait... wait... wait... grab the kleenex. Now take the Dristan and go have a nap. If you are sick, don't book an appointment. If you have already booked an appointment, reschedule when you don't have the plague. Do not jeopardize the provider's health by showing up sick. When you have an appointment and you are sick, you make the provider sick. When you make the provider sick, she might not be showing symptoms and she might make me sick... and that would be bad for the world. You see I am a very important guy. How important??? You know that Tsunami in Japan a year or so ago??? That was me. Some Japanese guy sold me a faulty Sony TV. If you get me sick... I will make sure that you get penis cooties. You have been warned. 19. The Secret Weapon Gentlemen, we all have a secret weapon. If you are ever unsure about who is scamming, who is photo swapping, who is dangerous and who is to be absolutely avoided, there is only one person to turn to... CERB's own Cowboy Kenny. CK is a genius... and he works for all of us.... all of us except for the forces of evil. CK exposes those who would try to exploit our weakness for the female form and at the same time he protects the fantastic women that do a wickedly awesome job keeping us happy. CK is a superhero. Here's his site: http://www.cowboysdiary.info/wordpress/ ... more to come

I myself, am horny during all four seasons :boobies: However I do agree that some men do get a touch hornier with the spring season, because my business has greatly increased this month. :)

20. Hey Alotta, can we book a 4:20 appointment, get it...420??? Dude. You need pizza. You need nachos. You need a pizza with nachos and KFC. You also need to rethink your priorities. You can't show up to an appointment high or piss drunk. No. You. Can't. That is a no no. People sometimes do silly things when they are under the influence of alcohol and drugs. I, in fact, proposed marriage to a horrible person when I was in such a state. When I recovered, she was Mrs Dog. There is absolutely no irony in that statement - she was a total bitch. You see, just because you like to partake in a herbal vacation on a daily basis, don't assume that your provider does. If you consume liquor in lieu of say... food, you must also make that assumption that your provider might actually eat rather than just drink. You MIGHT think that drugs and alcohol make you sexy. Ummmmm. No. That's a pee stain on the front of your pants. Not. So. Sexy. Bottom line? Drugs and alcohol make people do stupid things. You can do this your friends. You can do this with your family. You can NOT do this with your provider. NEVER show up drunk or stoned. Stupid things could mean dangerous things. Dangerous things are bad. She is already placing herself in a somewhat vulnerable situation, she certainly doesn't need the addition of a chemical additive to make it worse. The other thing, you might actually REMEMBER how wickedly awesome your experience was!!!! 21. Why doesn't she respond? I need to couple with her now!!! Men, as a collective gender, do not take direction well. I admit it. My penis admits it. We like to forge new paths, be trailblazers, and we hate to read stuff. We especially hate to read stuff. Reading stuff is for girls. Girls know that. That's why they force us to read. To humiliate us. To make us appear more stupid than we... wait, we are pretty stupid. Let's face it. Men do things because we think we already know how to do things. Providers are girls. This is their chance to torment us. It's okay though. They will touch our wieners. That makes us happy. We just have to follow instructions.... arrrRRRRRrrrggggh. I hate reading instructions. I love when she touches my wiener. Mental battle..... dammit. Must resist. Nope. Wiener wins.... ALL THE TIME. Okay. Read the instructions. WTF? No PMs??? I have been sitting here with a blue pill induced RAGING erection for 3 hours and she doesn't want me to PM? Oh my god. No wonder I can never see Alotta Fagina. She doesn't take PMs. What else won't she accept? No emails??? No blocked calls, no private numbers??? Guys... when it comes to the hobby, we have to obey the rules. To obey the rules, we actually have to READ the RULES. If we could make our penisisisiesisisis read the rules that would be better, but the one eyed python of love is blind. Big head has to obey. She has preferred methods of contact. Read em. Understand em. Use em. Your wiener will thank you. 22. I suspect you may clone me. May I have my used condom? Dude. Seriously? Do you have like a used condom hall of fame? Guys, no one wants to store your jizz. Alotta Fagina does not have secret contacts with a mad scientist who pays her for your splooge. There is no secret conspiracy to place your spunk at the scene of a major crime. Conspiracy theories are fun... now run back to your basement and get the foil helmet on lickety-split!!! ohhhh.... there's more.

7. I am cleaning. Can we have BBFS sex? Dear M. Delirious, As a fertile woman, still in her sexual prime, I would be delighted to collect, ahead of time, 18 years of child support, and of course, a generous college and university trust fund for our child. Also, please consider the following as part of our contract: marriage, full salary from you when I am on maternity leave, upscale housing and 25 years of above average spousal support for a stay at home mom who enjoys the finer things in life, plus my regular hourly compensation for every time you would like to be intimate with me. If you would like to discuss our future, long-term arrangement, please contact my lawyer for an appointment. If the above is not a suitable option for you, perhaps the following will be: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Condom Still not interested? Learn about what your potential new friends can bring to your life! AIDS: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HIV/AIDS STDs: http://www.cdc.gov/std/ And here is where you can play Russian Roulette: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=list+of+casinos+in+canada Most sincere and warmest regards, Gabriella xox ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The short answer to the question is... are you fxxxing crazy?!! ;) Happy hobbying!

I got news for you sweety..., you dont know what you are missing by spending all the time in you back... the teasing that you can experience by being on your stomach and just letting the lady caress you and touch you in the right way and in the right places.... make you imagination run wild as to what come next...., since you can not see her all you experience is her gentle touch.... arousing you until you cant hold it anymore and then when you turn around..... just let it all come out....

It doesn't happen in the real world, an Old Dog expressing appreciation for a Cat... but frankly we aren't who we say we are and she is one of the most AMAZING women I know. Cat is, without a doubt, the epitome of sensuality. When she speaks, you melt... but not all over. She is brilliant... she knows exactly what to say and when to say it. She has mastered double entendre... she chooses her words to say what she wants and more; she understands that everything can be interpreted in so many ways and ensures that her meaning is taken. She is as sweet as sugar pie, as cool as a cucumber and as sharp as a tack.... but best of all she is one of my dearest friends. I can`t express the feelings that I have for her - she just makes me thankful that she has included me as part of her world. http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/member.php?u=4978

So, it's time to resurrect this thread. And who better to kick it off again with than someone who has also not been around here that much of late, but who was very much missed while she was away and has recently returned? I refer, of course to the incomparable Samantha Evans. I've never had the privilege of meeting her (it's a long way to Vancouver), but I'm sure I'm not the only one who benefits enormously from her insights into whatever we may be discussing at the time, or appreciates the eloquence with which she delivers them. It's good to have you back, Samantha!

After browsing cerb for a few months, I have obviously found many ladies I have put on my "to do" list. Just wondering if anyone else is having a hard time making a condensed list? So many options, so many gorgeous ladies, it is a tough job for sure! As it stands right now.....Emily J, Katrine and Jessica are high on my list of things "to do"

Please, please try this variation on the traditional bacon sandwich. It was handed down to me by my Dad. Start with golden toasted white bread, immediately spread smooth peanut butter on both slices while still hot from the toaster, so that the PB melts on to the toast. Then add three or four strips of nearly crispy bacon (preferably still hot from the fry pan or microwave). Top with the second PB'd slice, cut in half and savour. Something magical happens when you combine peanut butter and bacon. Try it, then spread the word. Long live bacon!

As per my recommendation a few months ago she must be treated very gently and with great care. She could be fragile. I only reviewed her on cerb for same reason. Btw, there is a search button at the top right hand corner where you type the name and see if there are any recos for any provider you seek info for. I teach you how to fish for life rather than catching one for you for the today :). Welcome to cerb slimboi.

Wishing you all a happy 3/14!

I just left one of the sexiest women on the planet after a thoroughly satisfying early afternoon play date. I'm driving home and enjoying some freshly baked cookies (she's so thoughtful) when I noticed something crunchy in an otherwise soft and chewy cookie. When I spit out a large chunk of molar, I knew my day was about to go downhill in a hurry. What's worse is that the tooth didn't just break, it shattered! The break extends below the gum line and a loose shard is slicing the hell out of my tounge. Blood fills my mouth and I'm starving for food I can no longer eat. And now the cherry on my special shit sandwich; my dentist won't be able to see me until 7:00 tonight! This is the third tooth to break in the last six months! My dental bills are going to be astronomical. :tresmauvaisehumeur: Additional Comments: Tooth Update. The lil bugger is history! Just got back from the dentist. They had a cancellation so I was seen earlier. The tooth shattered down through the root. They pulled the shard that was lacerating my tongue, damn that hurts, and smoothed out the sharp edges. Tomorrow I will have the remains extracted and get a titanium post implanted into my jaw bone. Sadly the exact same thing happened on the other side of my mouth less than six months ago. I'm getting to be an expert on the procedure. On the whole I'd rather have a bacon s/w.

I always use my voicemail as a way to communicate something to the caller. I change it when I have to go out, or if I am away for an extended time, etc. So it may say call back in 5 minutes, or call back after December 26th, for example. I find that most people will not leave a message, regardless of what information i leave for them to hear, even if I have seen them before. Some do hear the message and regardless will call back multiple times after leaving 3 messages, as tho somehow the info in my message will change lol. I have a feeling, given that I do communicate a lot to the caller, that they would be even less likely to respond to an automatic reply type of message. If you are concerned about leaving your voice on voice mail, I would maybe consider going into the texting for contact. I think a lot of my appeal is in the fact that I do have a voice connection. And usually if someone is contacting me, the assumption is that it is convenient for me to talk

And you all know what this means ... Baked goodies! :-)

This is, by far, THE best thread ever! It deserves its own award!

Cold pizza and instant coffee while driving to office. The result of sleeping in and almost being late for work ......

Our favourite provider has made the pages of TMZ. http://www.tmz.com/2013/03/13/pope-francis-austin-powers-alotta-fagina/

Bird seed (actually its wheat sprouted cereal, but it looks & tastes like bird food) bananas, Greek yogurt and milk. All washed down with a hot cup of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee.

Ok, so far I'm the last to wish you a belated happy birthday, Berlin. I hope it was special! FR

+1 for Lana Lee ;-)

I cannot lie, all I've eaten today is cake. Sweet, sweet birthday cake.

There are a number of youtube videos to help with these hidden settings. The one at applies to a galaxy note II, but should apply to Android-based Samsung phones in general. Otherwise, searching for "Samsung Galaxy Note disable predictive" should get you some decent instructions.

22 rules so far. How many have you broken? lol Excellent thread Old Dog! Thanks!

Not sure what you are using RG, but I know with my current iPhone i can shut this off in the settings. My old phone which was a Blackberry torch, this was an option as well in the settings. Note: Blackberry was last operating system, not sure if new OS has this option still. Cheers MB

And I'm even later... but hope you had a fantastic day!

Not sure about yours, but I can switch from T9 to multi-tap. Or......you could make a phone call. LOL..you remind me of me, bud!

Old Dog...you are awesome...it has been an absolute pleasure to have found you...and this thread xoxo

Happy belated birthday to a wonderful lady!!!

Excellent advice! It's a good idea to see it spelled out as a reminder even for those who know it all already. The bonus is that it was fun and funny to read. Thanks

The wetter the better right gentleman ;) Wild Wednesdays with the ultimate beauty Taylor Devine. 22yrs. Long black hair. Hazel eyes. Silky smooth skin. 5'3. 125lbs. Fit curvy figure. 36C-28-38 sexy assets you will love. Italian & French mix. Gorgeous features. Outgoing. Open minded. Reliable. Beautiful. Sensual. Very friendly. Classy young lady. A personality that outshines my beauty. Come get lost in my eyes & melt in my sensual touch. Location: Angels Touch (west end, Ottawa) incalls only. Upscale. Clean. Dis--creet. Soapy showers for 2. Lots of free parking. Availability: Wednesday (Today): 3:30-11 Thursday: 3:30-11 Friday: 9-11 (Paradise) Saturday: 3:30-9 Call. Text. Email. Pm message. To book an appt. With me 613-600-3943 no blocked calls pls [email protected] Angels Touch: 613-274-7073 Paradise Spa: 613-820-8887

I'm really enjoying how this season is turning out game-wise. The Shield and Quattro are two very good alliances that I think will go a very long way into the later stages of the competition. I particularly liked how Alec planted the seed in Emmett's mind of eventually cutting Tom loose for his aggressive and hot-headed behaviour. Clearly, the Shield is laying the foundation for power moves further on down the line. One criticism I will make of them is that Peter and Alec are revealing too much about how close they are to each other. I would have suggested that they each fawn upon either Tom or Emmett, suggesting that they make a fake Final Three deal to conceal their true intentions. Getting rid of the non-aligned floaters right now would be my other suggestion. Either get them on side or throw them overboard. It's too early to make any big moves (like taking out Andrew, Jillian or Liza) but taking care of Suzette, Talla, AJ or Aneal at this time would certainly be a wise use of votes. I loved the quotes task that Peter was assigned. It is a great addition to the show and is entertaining to watch. I'm kinda sick of seeing showmances and bromances get air time and I'm glad the production team have included some kind of diversion that makes for good viewing.

I switched from Rogers to Bell Fibe TV. I can not get over the difference in sound and picture quality. It is fantastic. Part of my package includes Playboy TV.

I'm a bit late but I hope you had a wonderful day and will have a fabulous year.

Having one's discretion blown by linking to a place with my real name not once but twice. Let alone by a member banned 5 times in one week. The fact that it is still sitting their like last time. The kicker is adding lies to punish me for his own actions getting him banned. Yet admits once again he has never met me and has nothing against me! The daily anxiety and fear I live with daily since the first time he did this. It looks pretty hopeless that I can ever safely continue being a provider. Everything I worked hard to acheive --POOF-- gone like it was never even there. sigh..... there aren't any words to describe.....

Quite right!!!! No wiener pics!!!! Really guys, your little fella may be your pride and joy but frankly she has seen mine and it is so much better than yours, really. Plus it's a known fact that emailing a picture of your penis decreases your sperm count and by exposing it to the internet, you could get a virus. Not a Trojan virus because you didn't wear one when you snapped the pic... you should have worn a condom... and now you will have cooties. Penis cooties. The worst kind of cooties. Penis cooties eat your penis from the inside out. You'll be standing there with a happy Johnson and one day it will just collapse in on itself. Fall off on the floor. Your cat will drag it away and eat it. Then your cat will die. Your kids will hate you due to the fact that you killed the cat. Your wife will leave you for a non penis emailing man because you are now a eunuch. You will have a mangina. Your mangina won't be of much use either because the cooties will eat that too and not in the good way. You will lose your job and become a homeless, penisless, pennyless, rotten mangina cootie freak. You will probably end up being run over by a bus filled with men who have never emailed a picture of their penis to anyone. And you deserve it.

8. Safety first If you are a guy you KNOW that wearing a condom is akin to drinking beer with a straw. It's not as good as without but in the end, it's not that bad. Wearing a condom let's you go home to your significant other and not wear one. It's as simple as that. It also lets your wickedly awesome provider also go home to HER significant other (if applicable) and not have to demand that they wear one. It creates that safe barrier between both of you and the great unknown. The likelihood is that you are both very clean and very safe... but why take the risk??? If I can only make one super serious point in this entire thread, it's this. STDs are ugly. HIV is heinous. AIDS is deadly. Nuff said on dat. 9. Fragrance I know it's aesthetics, but we all like to smell good. Many of us have a particular scent that just works with our body chemistry. Not every commercially available scent is good. Ice Blue Aqua Velva is a manly scent that many of your grandfathers wore to cover the fact that their homes had no running water and that they could only bathe monthly. Aqua Velva, Brut and Hai Karate should not be worn by any man with a birth date after 1919. Bay Rum is used by pirates to kill scurvy and to keep other lonely, lusty pirates away. Anything that you purchased prior to the millennium should probably be used as drain cleaner. Febreeze is not an acceptable cologne. Scent should be used in a delicate fashion. You should be able to smell it only at very close range. Ohhhh... and your twig and berries do not require the assistance of any eau de cologne. No. They. Don't. Spray cologne on your arm. Now lick your arm. Lick it again. And again. And again. And again. Now give that arm a suck... oh yeah baby, that's what I'm talking about.... lick that arm until it gives you the goods... STOP. What does your mouth taste like? That's why you don't spray stuff on your tackle and bait. Ohhhhh... and here's a tip for both ladies and gents: If you are somebody that has sensitivities to fragrance PLEASE let it be known at time of booking. We all want to have a sexy time. Runny eyes, snotty noses and swollen tongues ... not so sexy. 10. First contact. Ohhhh the jitters. You have seen her. She is beautiful. She has two of those, and one of those and a great one of those... she has a beautiful mind, she expresses herself so well.... she's funny!!! She's profound. She's smart. She's perfect!!!!!!! I gotta write her. I have to PM her and ask if we can get together. I went to her website and checked the rates and the menu (like all SMART hobby guys do ;) ) ... and now I am ready to write her. I know what I want... I have the money put aside (thanks for reminding me of that Old Dog!!)... I am .... FUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKK.... what do I write??? Dear Alotta Fagina ... I have a 10 inch meat girder pulsing with lusty intent <THWACK> ... you're right maybe I was exaggerating, thanks for the head smack. Dear Alotta Fagina... I have a 7 inch purple python of love poised and waiting for your girl cave <THWACK> ... okay... maybe that sounded a little stalker like, but I do get kudos for being more accurate. Thanks again for the head smack. Dear Alotta Fagina... I have a 5.5 inch throbbing man stick just waiting for you to... <THWACK> ... okay... WTF??? Why do you keep hitting me???? Try "Hi Alotta, I saw your website and would be very interested in meeting you next Tuesday afternoon. Please let me know if that works with your schedule! Thanks, Happy Hobbyist." Simplicity works. You aren't writing a Penthouse letter... you are booking with a professional provider. She knows you are interested. She will see your penis. (There I said the penis word. Whooops said it again.) No need to go into goofy graphic detail... plus when you write that stuff, you get that creepy smile and that's frickin' scary ... stop it now. 11. Bacon Sandwiches. Providers - you know it. Bacon sandwiches save lives. It's not necessarily a deal breaker but I think it definitely would be a pot sweetener if you had bacon sandwiches as a mandatory refreshment at your incall. I like mine toasted with lettuce, tomato, mayo and a little salt and pepper. Cut into triangles, but you don't have to cut off the crusts. MegForFun cuts off the crusts for me but that is because she loves me. Bacon sandwiches will improve your business and will put you that much further ahead than providers who only provide ham sandwiches or cheese sandwiches and much further ahead than providers who don't make any sandwiches. Bacon sandwiches just make good business sense. wait there's more.... later ;)

Spring definitely start to trigger horniness. I would like to take a moment and talk about a serious medical condition which can cause serious injury and in rate cases death. This medical problem is called HWHS (horny when hot syndrome) some of you may be laughing right know but it is serious as the body temperature rise the layer ad clothes seem to disappearing which has a serious impact on those who suffer from HWHS. The following scenarios are not fictional and a real people. So please do not try this at home they were all trained professional dumb ass's. luckily in the following scenarios no one got seriously hurt, well maybe their pride. So things to avoid. Rules 1 when waking keep you're eyes in front and not veered to the side to check out the woman in short skirts. Consequences may vary but for this instance it was a light that he walked into cause severe laughter and humiliation. 2 do not pass gas in an elevator? When all off a sudden elevator stop and the secretary we would fantasize about walk in with a few extra button undone. 3 when playing football keep your eyes of the giggling cheerleaders. Cause that 275 pound guy you forgot will blow any chances of getting lucky for the foreseeable weeks to come as you recuperate from concussion. 4 when doing any sort of martial art stay focus ignore the women who can bend in ways you can only dream of cause you will not seen that kick in the ribs you just received. Construction workers are particularly at risk for these 5 when hammering keep eyes on you object you are hitting cause hit a thumb hurts like hell when staring at the girl not wearing a bra. This goes for when using a sledge hammer especially if someone else is holding the object. 6 this one is critical do not attempt to work near a college gym class full off hot sweating woman doing yoga. Cause that window that you didn't install before lunch. You can lean on an empty frame and fall through look like a dumbass. 6.1 this is similar do not try and lift a window when partner is staring at bouncing boobs you may pull you're back. 7 my favourite almost fell off roof laughing to hard. while on a swing stage do not assume the windows are tinted and that woman in her office in actual fact she can see you pissing in a bucket. 8 yoga pants are a deadly on while staring to long at the derrière of them to long ma cause fantasies and when that person turn around you realize you're related to that person or worse it could be your mother. 9 this is a classic do not lean or you're chair to find out what colour of panty she's wearing under that skirt cause when you fall of your chair everyone know what you were doing. 10 when warring tight jean be sure your zipper is up cause someone else is happy to stare. I've witnessed all of these and ashamed to have falling victim of maybe one or two. Ok that last on maybe from a tv commercial but it can happen. My point is this is all due to HWHS and serious injury can occur. I think we have a duty to fix this and my solution is all woman should dress hotter this way we are a custom to see this and we build an immunity to HWHS. Ok maybe I didn't think with the right head on that one but we may have an epidemic on our hands.

Have to say most of the guys that I have had that unfortunate situation of either wanting a discount or see me today pay you next time (lol) is been through other sites where I advertise... But as we have amazing and lovely gentlemen in CERB, every rule has its exceptions... Most providers here I belive somehow always give back somehow, myslef from time to time offer discounted rates not only for frequet visitors but to everyone...to perhaps give a chance for those that may not be able to afford or for those who may think is too expensive, I give the chance for them to come try out and find out what they are paying for.. And show that is all worth.... :) funny story, very little comes from running those special rates, those who have already met me do not care and most of the time even if I happen to give a discount... They give the complete donation... So like in everything there is only a bad few apples, but that doesn't mean everyone is like that! I am very grateful for the gentlemen I have encounter and to be part of a community like CERB!

While it annoys me to be sure, I try not to flip out when guys try to negotiate, especially if I've never spoken to them before. We have to remember, not everyone comes from the West where it's generally frowned upon to haggle--in some countries it's considered insulting NOT to haggle. If they continue after I've said, "sorry, my rate is non-negotiable" then forget it.

Not much more that I can really add, but orgasms are my favourite thing in the world, and I am really good at them (lol) so I feel like I should be a part of this thread. I am reminded of a very cool orgasm video site: www.beautifulagony.com. It shows only the faces of men and women leading up to and while they are enjoying super intense self inflicted orgasms. It is very erotic. I am very orgasmic and can enjoy them in many different ways and have developed good control over my orgasms too. Sometimes I will cum quick and many times, and sometimes I hold out as long as possible for one super intense one. Both are equally fun. And as someone mentioned earlier, I also really get off on telling you that I am going to cum and am cumming as well. I consider myself lucky that most gents are eager to provide me with orgasms. And the ones who aren't... well they just give me more of an opportunity to please them (I enjoy providing orgasms too! :)) The only negative thing I can think of is that I have had people ask me if I was faking... i.e. "Did you really cum?!" and I didn't like that. Orgasms = Good. Just one or lots = Good. Yee Haw!

Negotiating, a nice word for it, more like haggling is the ultimate insult. A lady gives of herself in the most intimate interpersonal way providing a much needed escape for us gentlemen The value of the escape and companionship the ladies provide far exceeds any donation the lady would ask for. The ladies deserve respect and appreciation from us. Haggling isn't showing respect and is never called for, it's just an insult RG

bcguy you took the words out of my mouth! There's a 50/50 chance she's got the same body type as the stolen pics, but the fact that she uses fake pics with no issue makes you question ( I would) what other deceptive and not so professional practices is she up to or capable of. There's other red flags that where mentioned earlier that sound the alarms to just stay away. Clearly she and her "manager" aren't interested in repeat business or providing the client with the promised services or quality. So why would anyone bother to waster their time and money when there are honest and professional providers more than willing to provide drama free experiences. Even in Winnipeg. Additional Comments: So this get's even funnier, sexybree opens herself up another account here (that's a no no as well) and sends me these two wonderful pieces of prose : hmm ya ok theres actually two girls one is me bree petite 19 n presley which is 24 booty so think again cow boy come c u for ur self if u think we so fake like cmon on straighten out with ur lame comments about me ur making me popular by writing ur lame stories thinkin im fake this n that like u think guys really care now n days pusdy is pussy welcome to winnipeg hunny boring mr cowboy u seriously need to get a life lol its so funny im independent with presley I swear I did not edit this at all, brilliant isn't it ? So I did dig a little further and there are some photos of a different girl on some of the presely ads, of course those photos are easily 3 years old and stolen as well! http://allhiphopmodels.com/jenny-tusabe/ http://t62ice.tumblr.com/ http://www.stewpig.com/babes/sexy/sizzling-sweeties-daily-dose-60-pics-10/2012/07/28/attachment/sizzlingsweeties27-11/ http://blog.livedoor.jp/heroaid-sumaho/archives/cat_145881.html http://xhamster.com/photos/gallery/1359010/big_ass_girl_booty_big_butt_spandex_lycra_leather_leggings.html to bree, presely and their manager, guys do care about being ripped off and being deceived, but cleary you have no care or interest in what you get so long as you get cash and rush the guys out the door. You may be new to this but I'm not, there's no reason to use fake photos there's no reason to operate in a shady manner unless of course you're a shaddy character, which means more than likely you're up to no good. I'm sorry you don't understand why what you're doing is wrong but you do need to know that you are in fact the one who needs to get a life , shape up or ship out. If you show no respect for your client base by posting fake and dishonest and clearly misleading photos, then why should they respect you ? Keep it up, I love a good debate, you've just made this one even better, although I must admit it seems a little unbalanced kind of like bringing a pistol to a knife fight but I'll try to cut you some slack. :)

It's been awhile since this thread has had a post, so I'll take this opportunity to honour another CERB Goddess of the Day And that is CristyCurves She writes intelligent posts that contribute to this board and community. She is also passionate about causes, such as treating animals humanely....I enjoy reading what she writes And she is beautiful too. One lady who, should I ever make my way down east I would like to meet Unfortunately I'm on a smartphone or I'd post a link to her profile and post a photo too RG

I find that 30 minutes is too quick but an hour can be too drawn out. Plus some hour prices are too much so 45 minutes is a great option.

A lot has to do with supply and demand as well. If no one is paying the price she is asking... the prices will go down and if she is getting overwhelmed with calls the prices will go up (just like any business). Unless of course she wants the high volume of calls. The type of guy she wants to attract as well... no one wants the guy who takes back his empty bottles and raids the couch for loose change to get laid. EWE! The ladies want generous gentlemen (Men with deep pockets are very hot to many ladies... us guys often stare at the ladies breasts where many ladies just want to know what kind of plastic you have in your wallet). - I am probably going to get a slap from that comment (and I know very well not all ladies are like that so please don't hang me for that comment - but we all know many women are attracted to money and not physical attributes) The local economy also makes a huge difference. If you live in a area where very few people are wealthy the rates are not going to be as high if the ladies want to work in your area... usually what happens is the ladies leave that area and go to bigger cities. In cities like Montreal where they have a LOT more ladies in the business the prices drop as well (They often have price wars as the area may have too much competition) so you have ladies who could easily charge 300+ per hour in other cities working for 100-/hr at times when competition gets tough. Not many ladies can work on high volumes of calls in this business for long periods of time and be happy.... and lower rates often means higher volume or too high level of competition as I mentioned above. In a market like Ottawa someone charging 100.00 may do 6 calls a day (or more) and probably have to turn down calls as the phone will be ringing non-stop so they can easily reach that goal but that is a lot of work so the lady would be soar, tired and just burnt out after a few days of that .... someone charging 300.00 per hour and only doing 2 or 3 calls a day makes the same (if not more) money. Those ladies have less calls to deal with and are generally a lot less stress. This would improve the quality of the experience a great deal as well in most cases. Many guys think the ladies should charge less... but that only benefits the guys!! Some guys will complain about the ladies rates being too high but if she is doing lots of calls at those rates and meeting her goals she DOES NOT need a guy like that. Lowering her rates and doing more volume may look like a smart way to do business but in this business it just leads to bad service, tired providers and a very unhappy lady who is burnt out... then those same guys will post nasty crap about her saying her service was poor. We always say if the rate is too high for you either save up or find someone else (don't be ignorant and complain about it be a gentleman and move on to someone in your price range). The lady charging 300.00/hr will say "I need to do two calls a day on average to meet my goals" and if she does not get enough calls to keep her busy enough to maintain this income level the donation amount will go down and the number of calls she takes per day will go up until she reaches her goal or she sets new goals. I can't afford a Ferrari so I don't drive one, I dream about driving one but I don't get mad and complain to Ferrari and tell them they need to lower the prices of the car so that the average person can buy one too. Maybe one day I will save up and buy one.... but right now I drive a Ford as my daily driver. It's nice, it's reliable, it's comfy and I like it... it's not a Ferrari but I am not complaining.