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Congratulations, Gabriella Laurence! You're the first to attain 200,000 rep points on the board, and that says quite a lot! What an extraordinary achievement, coupled with some of the best-written, entertaining and scintillating ads you'll find on the net, Gabriella is also the inventor of Erotic Math, plus so much more! :) So please join me in expressing your admiration for this very fine lady, and her very active participation here in our community! Well done, wishing you all the best, Gabriella! xox

The sound of her breathing softly as her breath hits the back of my neck with her arms around me. But since I sleep alone well sometimes my dog sleeps with me I hear her snore its kinda cute and funny.

HOT!!! I've done that :D Personally and professionally :D :D :D (A note on the 'before checking the donation' though... I do hope you've at least put it out as soon as you enter. The sad reality is that almost every one of us at one time has not gotten it first, and even by some of our BEST clients... we've been ripped off. I rarely check the amount, but I don't get naked until I see it on the table. Not trying to get off-topic...). I'm so interested to read more of these sexy ideas :D

If I were to get upset that someone I saw decides to see another SP, then I have no business being an SP! Variety is the spice of life and men come to see us to escape reality...not to get ragged or nagged on for seeing other women. Men are visual creatures and what they see often entices them. I can't fault them for that. Each SP has her own signature service you could call it and she really knows how to make a client feel special, he always finds his way back to her. I would be an idiot to think that my clients don't see anyone else. lol. I have a relationship with them but it's one that is a business relationship and secondly not a personal commitment. I have many SP friends here and many of us have mutual clients and often refer one another. Those who become jealous or very upset that their clients decides to see someone else, needs to take note of what they're doing in this business.

Silence. :)

I love you. I'm an old fashioned romantic. ;)

Both the ladies and gentlemen in this lifestyle accept that this is by nature a poly amorous lifestyle. I don't think any companion expects a gentleman to see her exclusively, likewise, a lady isn't going to see just one gentleman exclusively. In fact the ladies, well most of them are supportive of one another. Look on a lot of the ladies' websites. They often have a section where website banners are exchanged so you can while looking at one lady's website, see links to other ladies' websites. As for providing references, most ladies recognize the importance of verification/screening. And they are happy to provide a reference to a gentleman, because they know it helps keep a lady safe, and by being a giver of a reference, they one day will also be a receiver of a reference. The ladies want to keep each other safe. So don't feel uncomfortable asking if a lady will provide you with a reference, if you are a gentleman and good client she will be happy to do that for you, and the lady you want to see. And just my opinion, but I think the ladies aren't in competition with each other. That is because each lady is a unique special individual, and no two ladies are alike. Each lady offers something special in her encounters, and no two encounters can be replicated. If a man wishes an encounter with a certain lady at a certain time it is in large part because she offers something special and unique, and another lady would also offer something special and unique, but different. Hope that makes sense A rambling RG

Well, Moonbay are a FS outfit, so probably not the best place to be looking. And to be honest, if you've avoided MPs in Montreal because you don't speak french, the asian agencies perhaps aren't the best bet for you unless you speak one of the east asian languages :) Anyways... you're spoiled for choice with the restrictions you've given so far. If you want to visit a spa, then CMJ, Paradise/Angel's and Vibe are all very nice places and have lots of choice of MAs (although none are particularly close to downtown if that matters to you). If you want an indy MA... Megan's Touch, Jessica, Gina, Sensual Erin, Amelia, Claire Heavens and Lilly are all well-recommended, and I'm sure there are some that I've forgotten...

Fine then Cleo....on our next visit I shall hide the donation somewhere and I promise I won't touch your boobs until you find it ......here is a hint....it will be in my pants ;) Its a party ! IN MY PANTS :) Seriously tho....all I want is a hug.

If your first time is anything like most people's, you'll be nervous. Remember to have your donation in a plain envelope and either present it to the SP shortly after arriving or place it on a nearby surface in plain sight (coffee table, etc). Your best bet is to read the SP's etiquette type stuff on their website if they have one (or what other SPs prefer), in their ads, the forums, etc. Letting the SP know this is your first time with a provider would probably help, you'll most likely start with some talking, getting to know each other and so on. I'd also recommend a shower when you arrive as well as this will not only make sure you're clean (which EVERY SP appreciates), but also relax you a bit. If you aren't nervous, go ahead and take the lead after getting to know the SP a bit with some kissing and move on from there. If you are, she'll probably take the lead and go from there. Unless you're Don Juan I'd recommend at least a 2 hour session for your first time, it'll help having the extra time in case any issues arise (or don't! lol).

I think perhaps you should take a step back and reflect on what your situation is wrt your 'hobbying' on this or any other site like this. If you are going into your encounters for satisfying your desires, then kudos, you are one of us, but if you are looking for commitment or romance outside of your alloted time, well you should reflect on this and perhaps look at a dating website for these desires. The ladies here are highly professional and provide excellent service, and in providing that service you may be naive and think that you are their only one or you shouldn't see others to the financial detriment of the first one,,, to sum up...enjoy your hobbying or quit! If your hobby is causing you emotional ruin then quit! Just MHO! Good luck :)

Once in a while you come to realize that so many of our members really don't "get" the whole hobby experience, or rather, they understand that there are rules but believe they are somehow exempt. So let's help them. Let's give some handy tips to make this a more wonderful experience for all. This is a pleasant place so let's keep it constructive... and be aware that the rules shouldn't just be for clients, you can also add some helpful tips that may help a new provider too! Here goes: 1. Appointment time is at 2:00 pm, what time do I arrive? Ummmmm. Hmmmmm. What part of 2:00 pm is ambiguous? A 2 o'clock appointment means you are at her door at 2. Not 1:55, not 2:10. It's seems petty but when you screw up her schedule, you may be screwing up MY schedule. I may be the appointment at 3. I have things to do... and my schedule may not be as loosey goosey as yours. I may be using a very small window of time or I may have "commitments" that see me arriving like clockwork elsewhere. Regardless, when the little hand is at 2 and the big hand is at 12, be where you are supposed to be. 2. "I am awesomely wicked good in bed, and I often masturbate to pictures of myself nude, because I am that good looking. Can we negotiate a better rate?" In a word, No. Would you go to a restaurant and say, "I am a really good eater, can I get a better price on that steak?" Would you go to a lawyer and say, "I am an awesome criminal, can you represent me for free?" Would you go to the dentist and say, "My teeth are so bad that you should fix them all for $50!" A service provider gets paid at a set rate because she is a professional. She is good... no, not just good... wickedly awesome good, at what she does. Your part is the compensation, her part is the wicked awesome part. Pay the pretty lady and be happy. 3. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Ever step into an elevator and stand next to someone who smells like they have never met a bar of soap they liked? Ever met someone that looked like they were an extra in the Walking Dead? Have you ever gone into a bathroom after someone and wondered if they ate something dead? Step one. Go to the potty. Do your business. Wipe. Wipe again. Wipe again. and then, wipe again. Do the optical test. Last wipe. Is there any residue? If yes, start over. If no, then proceed to step two. Step Two. Shower. Clean EVERYWHERE. Rinse. Repeat. Did you pay attention to anywhere in particular??? Hmmm??? Go back to those places. Make em sparkle. (at this point I do suggest that artificial glitter is NOT necessary.) Get out of the shower. Towel dry (for pete's sake use a clean towel!)... apply a generous amount of deodorant/anti-perspirant. Brush your teeth. (if additional grooming is required, please do that too.) Step three. Clothing. Go to the place where you keep your clean clothes. No. Not the place where you put the stuff that you THINK you can wear again. The CLEAN clothes. You know that stuff that you just took from the dryer and folded nicely?? That's the stuff. Wear that shit. Uh oh... what if I have to do step one again?? Then repeat ALL the steps. Cuz skidmarks are not sexy. Febreeze showers are not acceptable. 4. I have to cancel, what do I do? Give your head a smack. With a hammer. Stop. Now take a pointy thing and stick it with great force into your upper thigh, avoiding the artery. Now, go to your car. Start it. Open the door, put your foot beneath a tire and have someone put that car in reverse. Cancellations? NOT COOL. We all know that shit happens. A death in the family. A sick kid. Decapitation with farm machinery. Thermonuclear war. Explosion of your planet from a death star ray. That shit is acceptable.... but you still owe the pretty lady an explanation AND a cancellation fee. When you cancel, providers don't eat. When providers don't eat they get distended bellies and look like kids from the CARE commercials. When you cancel, providers give not only you, but also your city, a bad reputation. This makes you masturbate more. Because you will never get laid again. Ever. You will over develop muscles in only one arm. Your clothes will fit poorly. People will figure it out and suspect you are the notorious masturbating king of cancellations. They will hunt you down and kill your family. Let's keep little Bobby and Joanie safe. If you make an appointment, keep that appointment. Your family will love you for it. 5. "I'm a little short on cash. Do you think she will notice if the envelope is a bit short?" In a word, yes. She will also point out that your penis is a bit short.... and that your skill level is a bit short... and that you cry like a bitch when you have your pathetic little man-gasm. Do you want that??? Do YOU WANT THAT, bitch??? Wow. That was a bit over-emphatic. Gonna step away from the computer and take a valium. BACK!!!! Where were we... yes. Shorting your provider. Not COOL. Remember, providers have special powers. They communicate telepathically. As soon as you walk out that door, she will know and so will all of her allies in the super friends. They will combine their superpowers and make sure that you never get wood again.... and if you do, it will be at inappropriate times... like at funerals or family gatherings or when talking to your grandfather or something like that. Seriously?? Give your head a shake. If you are short then GET the money and make sure you have it set aside BEFORE you book. You will have a wickedly awesome good time... just pay the pretty lady what you agreed to and enjoy! 6. Can I pay her in drugs? Hmmmm. Does your banker take drugs in lieu of money? Have you offered Rogers drugs in return for their cable/home phone/cell phone/internet bundle? When you get groceries at Loblaws, do they have a special drawer that says "financial equivalent in drugs?" You know the answer. "No, you addled-pated simpleton." Remember the distended belly part from above? Providers take cash because cash buys groceries, pays bills and looks pretty. Carrying cash will not get you arrested. Using cash is the engine that runs our capitalist society. "All you need is cash, cash is all you need." The Beatles sang that, I think. Your turn....

After moving to Toronto, I've met a few SPs, and while all have been great, they are very very different in their approach. While one oozes sex, another has a level of sensuality that's unparallel, and another has a rather unique approach (I have yet to find a word that can aptly describe the experience). But I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't even a small part of me that feels bad with not repeating. These women were so enthusiastic and welcoming, that to reward an exceptional service with not seeing them again (or at least after seeing a few others first), just seems wrong. This is a luxury, and I know it's no hard feelings, but I do wonder some time.

I'm starting this thread for anyone who would like to give kudo's to someone for their "stand out" post. It may have stood out to you because of its insightfulness, humor, creativity, whatever the reason why not take a moment to thank someone for a post or a thread they made that moved you in some way:) I'll start-this one is for its humor, it gave me a really good laugh, its from Rovan47-in the thread of acts of randomness http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=480867

Well Internet porn does not allow for pysical touch, if anything it gets you missing this and u either go to a club, and sp or ma. I honestly think internet porn is on it way down. Look at how many sites close quickly including porn stars on these. I rather be with a dancer or an sp than watch a computer screen. The dancer pressing ho warm naked body against me feels so good can't do that on a porn site.

Hmmm . . . Well, the LAST thing I want to hear before I go to sleep is: "We have to talk."

Booze, women and well, do we need anything else in this story? I guess it depends how much time we have to live. I would drink, have a lot of sex. Then spend the final hours with family.

I fucking love construction workers... The dirtier the better. Boots, hats, give it allllll to me. Admittedly my attention to the road has been compromised with all the sexy sweaty construction workers out there everywhere I go these days... Just the sight of orange pilons and hard hats gets my special spots twitching... Oy. :motion:

I think I would get a few bottles of Crown Black, not so much mix, a quarter pound of some really good smoke, a box of monte cristos, then my ladylove love and I head to the cottage, , indulge ourselves, do lots of yoga stretches so when the moment comes we can bend over and kiss our asses goodbye!

That can be arranged what time you going to bed, I'll call you:) Lmao!

Interesting thread and I do give Empty83 credit of being aware enough to think about this issue. I have to say I also thought about this issue but more in terms of being loyal to the SP who provided me an excellent experience. I think one thing that helps me is that I do not see SPs very often during a year and I'm a realist to know that although I would really like to see my "favourite" her schedule may not line up with my schedule. So by default I end up seeing multiple SPs over a given year. But my multiple may be three or four different SPs over a year. Saying that, I have by luck and good fortune seen an SP multiple times in a given year which in my mind is preferable. I find the SPs here on CERB are very helpful to each other and thus I don't feel any guilt in seeing another SP. The key point is to be respectful to the SPs that you do see, that tends to make you the type of client that SPs would like to see and/or recommend to other SPs - which is a good thing.

I have always been more a giver than a receiver... In many ocations I have open the door of my home to friends that were new immigrants to Canada and helping people in general fulfills me.. I care lots about my friends and people around me... But there was this one particular occation last summer, I came home, after work, went to the liquor store to buy some wine, just as I was leaving I noticed this old gentleman just sittinmg on the ground with his little doggie, asking for some food for his dog (not even for him) he wanted food for his little friend... I am not a person to give money, so I went into the grocery store right beside me.. Grabbed a big bag of doggie food, and a hole cooked bbq chicken some salad and home fries... Brougjt them out to this guy... His eyes watered and he was so thankful, I then asked him if he had a home.. He said yes, I ll have to walk there now because I don't have money for the bus, I asked him where it was, it turned out to be very close and on my way home, so I told him come with me I will drop you off... We had a little chat on the way... I was very moved and as soon as I dropped him of I broke into tears... I gave god a big thank you for blessing me with good health and all the other perks, sometimes we take for granted just the fact that we are able to eat every day...

Great thread and as a new CERB member, I'm especially glad that it's recent so I don't feel that I'm commenting on something that's months old. Judging by what the guys have posted, I think I'm pretty normal when it comes to what turns me on. And judging by what the SPs have posted, the way that I like to treat any lady I'm spending time with is spot on. :D I like to laugh a lot, so if the SP smiles and laughs with me right from the start, we're already on the way to something awesome. I don't take myself too seriously and appreciate the same from my partner. Whatever we do together should be done as ourselves, with no need for anything fake. The whole GFE thing works both ways ... I don't treat an SP any differently than I've treated real life girlfriends. Obviously I'm not talking about specific erotic acts because that goes with the territory, just an overall level of mutual respect and affection between two human beings who want to have a great experience together. Kissing, caressing, and exploring while clothed, followed by undressing each other, are big. I'm with the guys who like a partner to start out wearing normal clothing. It's a date after all, so what you're both wearing during the first hug at the door should be what you'd wear out to dinner and a movie. That's what makes removing it in private so much fun. ;-) As for all the rest ... it's pretty simple. Just enjoy each others bodies as passionately and honestly as you both feel comfortable with. Forget the cares of the world and what happened to you earlier in the day or week and focus on making yourself and another human being feel really good.

I kind of forgot that the poll deadline was up. I want to take a moment to thank all of you that voted....and to those that contributed to the thread. It didn't get too ugly at all. No suspensions or bans. Old Dog rambled on a bit about roads and stuff but that's to be expected from the old fella :) Actually I wish he was our Premier because our roads in Manitoba certainly need some attention !!! So some valuable information has been given to help me move forward with the never-ending question...."Why did the chicken cross the road?" The poll results indicate that there are a lot more bi-sexual chickens out there than I thought. Horny cluckers are going both ways damnitt !! ;) Soooo as a part time farmer with chickens ..... and because of your help peeps.................... I have hired a flaming GAY rooster as a traffic cop to keep the freakin chickens on the right side of the road !!!!!! Hetero chicks on one side and bisexual chickies on the other. Thx again for your help :)

Hello Gentlemen My name is Cherry. I am 20 years of age, with Blond hair and bright blue eyes. I have a fit, tight body. I am 5'3, 116 pounds, and very tanned baby soft skin! I am new to massage. I have been working in the massage industry for just over a month now. I am very outgoing and open minded and I have a lot of class. My services include body slides, full body massage, Hottub sessions and reverse massage. & I cater to some fetish's! Everything that goes on in our session together is 100% confidential. You can find me in the West end of Ottawa, Paradise Spa. This week's Schedule TODAY June 26th 9am-4pm Thursday June 27th 9am-4pm To make a appointment at the spa for your playtime 613-820-8887 [email protected] xoxoxoxox http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/picture.php?albumid=7172&pictureid=48543

Congrats Gabriella, you are beautiful.

Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane (PCM Version)

yes she is - come and enjoy me at the CMJ East location, call 613 523 6199 to book, simply mention your cerb handle to come as my guest! I will be working at the East today and today only! I'm here from 12-6. Looking forward to meeting you ;) Justine check my album for photos, sexy brunette 36-25-36

I would never dream of ripping anyone off. But that is a good point Cleo. I always have the donation ready and in an envelope on the hall table, by the front door. I also put the ladies name on the envelope so there is no mistaking that it is hers. Additional Comments: That is not easy, especially if the gent is shy or a little inexperienced with women. Like I am. I am always afraid that being to forward may put off the lady. OR spoil the moment.

I am a blunt and to the point kind of person and would like anyone who is in my presence to be the same. So asking for a quickie, bj, fuck, anything within reason is hot! I think a lot of ladies like this so gentlemen open your mouths and excuse me for being a tad crude -and we'll open our legs and mouths, lol!

WOW ZERS !!! Every single one of those 200,000 points is well deserved and then some my dear :) Kudos !!!

Congratulations to a beautiful and highly valued cerb member, well deserved:)

Look up Mistress Shira. She is at least 6-feet tall without heels.

It's been way too long since I had the chance to put my hands all over your body! Every man deserves a night to be pampered and incredibly teased :P Don't you think? Turn off the noise of your everyday life and step into my fantasy room of sensual and sexy play... My massage is tailored to what you enjoy...I love to share my sexy energy when i massage Intimate..erotic...nude..reverse... body slides with a sweet girl next door type you can relax into...or maybe you want a pretty girl to tell you what to do and crawl at her feet...I wouldn't mind that either :P Thursday 7pm to 11pm Please Text 613 859 8463 Located in Bells Corners xoxoxoxoxoxo Please feel free to message and say Hi! Cheers and all the best YOurs Truly

Thursday Kennidi 10-2 aka "Kennidikummings" Summer 10-4 aka "SUMMERLOVE" Nicky 10-7 aka "Nicky in Paradise" Robyn 1:30-11 aka "robynxoxo" Kelly 6:30-11 aka "Kelly2010" Maya 3:30-11 aka "Midnight Maya" Website for your convience with pics & schedule of ladies www.angelstouchmassage.ca 3 rooms, 3 sexy ladies on per shift! Private Dance shows available upon request! Click here to see NEW pics of room: http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/album.php?albumid=3340 New Sexy Pics of our Hotties http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/member.php?u=52117 Full Body Relaxation Massage Single Massage: --------30 minutes $50. --------45 minutes $60. --------60 minutes $80. Couples Massage: 1 Attendant --------30 minute $60. --------45 minute $70. --------60 minute $90. Duo/Couples Massage:2 Attendants --------30 minute regular $100. on special for $80. --------45 minute regular $120. on special for $100. --------60 minute regular $160. on special for $130. ------HST included in prices. Longer Sessions available and @ Discretion of MA ------ Tips Accepted------ ATM on site------Spacious Rooms with Private Showers------ Kennidi Recommendations http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthr...?ltr=K&t=62190 Summers Recommendations http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?ltr=S&t=45598 Kelly Recommendations http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=120424 Robyn Recommendations http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthr...?ltr=R&t=82591 Maya Recommendations http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?ltr=M&t=63977

Initial Contact, gone wrong.... http://emilyrushton.com/blog/

Just a thought! I think any of the gentlemen that have either met or has had communication with this lady should give her a call or send her an email to inform her of the threads here asking of her, the positive comments/feedback that have been made regarding the service she provides. I would include the Cerb link in the email or provide it over the phone and explain exactly what Cerb is and that Cerb is just not for SP's but Massage Providers (with or without a "Happy Ending") as well and with the nice and positive comments/feedback that has been written thus far on the other thread located here: http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=126157 The gentlemen that have seen her have enough posts to start a reco thread and I do believe a recommendation thread should be started for Christie-Sexy Petite Massage (Truro). She does not need to be a member to have a recommendation thread but she would be a nice addition to the community from what I have read of her and the service she provides. Just my humble, supportive thoughts and opinion:icon_wink:! Hugs and Kisses, Lexy

A passionated hug / embrace with simply the silence of our breath.. When the chemestry is there, everything as be said and you can just feel that pure moment.

I posted this in 2011 on here. This simple act of kindness saved me long ago... This is a most difficult question to answer. In my life I have seen some of the most vile and disturbing acts anyone can ever imagine. I've served in Bosnia 3 times, Croatia twice, Kosovo twice, Afganistan twice officially and 4 times on short stays, and Iraq twice. Recently early in the summer, I was also in another war zone. This is an experience I would not wish on anyone, what you see in the movies gives you no concept of the realities of war. I was very happily out of it all, when I was asked last fall to go back and take on a slightly different job. Is this something that I regret, no. It was a very difficult decision to make, and I made it for the right reasons. Why, because protecting those who cannot protect themselves is always worth the risk. So what is it that inspires me? A moment in time, I sometimes ask myself if it was even real. During some of the worst fighting in Iraq, something outstanding occurred. We were in Az Zubayr, it was I figure around 6am. Fighting had been raging all night and I was on almost no sleep for 3 days. I came around a corner with the young soldier who still serves with me today, weapons were up and ready. I still don't know what caused either one of us to hesitate, something didn't feel right for whatever reason. As we came around the corner there was a little girl standing there. I don't know why she was there, she must have been maybe 6 or 7, but she smiled at us. Both of us lowered our guard just so she knew we would not hurt her, she reached down and picked two little flowers that were growing next to the wall and walked over and gave them to us. The young soldier and I looked at each other in amazement....how could something like this happen here, in this place, under these circumstances? Then she smiled again and walked away...I still wonder how any of it was ever real! Well it was real, I still have that flower tucked away in a very safe place. It reminds me that no matter how terrible things can get, there is always something that can make you smile and remind us, there is some good in this world! My grandfather said to me as a very young boy, "Do what's right, not what's easy". I live by those words every day, and will never give up hope on humanity.

I plan to NOT get out of my pajamas, unless it is to take them off completely and receive a gentleman caller. Otherwise, my plan is to: * snuggle my pets * watch The Sopranos * order delivery (it's a holiday, no cooking allowed [unless it's on a barbecue]) * masturbate Not necessarily in that order, and repeat tasks as needed

Let me add my voice to these fans of Lilly. A charming woman who can make you feel immediately welcome (in the best possible way!), and will see to your every need while providing wonderful massage and more. I'll be back!

I've been going there since they opened and what I've found is that they close at random times without warning, for no apparent reason, for variable lengths of time. Sometimes it's just a few days and sometimes (usually when the girls go back home) it's for weeks/months at a time. I'm intrigued by the fact that people have seen both Helen and Karen recently. I've never booked with a specific woman, but I always, always end up with Karen. I actually assumed she was the only one there these days. Maybe I'll have to change it up by specifically booking with Helen next time just to see how things go. I agree with other's assessment though: this place is hands down the best massage you'll get from a parlour. The HE is personal opinion, but the massage is great.

Plato: For the greater good. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability. Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD! Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. Douglas Adams: Forty-two. Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you. Oliver North: National Security was at stake. B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will. Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being. Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road. Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence. Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. Aristotle: To actualize its potential. Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature. Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence. Salvador Dali: The Fish. Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death. Epicurus: For fun. Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it. Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it. Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast. David Hume: Out of custom and habit. Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason. Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road? Ronald Reagan: I forget. John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity. The Sphinx: You tell me. Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too! Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life. Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. Molly Yard: It was a hen! Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side. Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages. Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud. The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that. Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings. Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl. Othello: Jealousy. Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance. Mrs Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning. Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph. Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question. Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen. Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior. Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er. Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness. Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter) Hamlet: That is not the question. Donne: It crosseth for thee. Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey. Constable: To get a better view.