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I don't know if this falls in line with "play on words", but I saw an ad on BP the other day for a lady that was advertising herself as a "beautiful mix of chinese and cockasian". Twice in the same ad. Maybe it would have been a funny play on words if it was done on purpose, and not by accident. I feel bad for poking fun, but seriously, proofread & spellcheck your shit, people.

14 hours on the motorbike in all kinds of inclement weather except snow.Sore and exhausted. How is this a highlight? I went to the funeral of my best friend's wife today on a remote windswept point in Cape Breton. The families had no idea I'd be there and it meant the world to everyone- including me. Small funeral, small church, big winds and waves in the bay. It was an awe inspiring backdrop.

I hope you get a little chuckle out of these like I did :-) Play on Words How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck What's the difference between roast beef and peasoup? Anyone can roast beef Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the heck out of the dog What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The location of the dirt bag Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down? Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Darn." A bad skydiver goes, "Darn." WHACK! What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it! What do you call skydiving lawyers? Skeet What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop clop? An Amish drive-by shooting How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? Somebody's gonna lose a trailer Source: http://elmblog.eddiesnipes.com/humor/jokes/play_on_words.shtml

I like to leave it to my visitor. ... I will greet acompany the gentleman to the room,offer a shower before so that they can freshen up... at that point some gentlemen would ask me to join them for the shower or they will just take ut on their own.... Sometimes gentlemen want me to help them undress and start all the fun and sometimes they rather do it on their own, in those cases I leave the room and let the gentlemen get comfortable To me it does nit really matter , my goal is always to make the visit comfortable and enjoyable to the other person.. if my visitor is comfortable I will be comfortable and will make for a goid experience foe both :)

This is a great question ElanRacer and depending on where you visit, it may vary. As Tiffany mentions, when you visit a spa the MA will show you to your room, have a friendly conversation, and leave you for a moment to get comfortable and settled in. With an independent or all inclusive spa the MA is with you for everything as Pete mentioned above. It all varies depending on what you are most comfortable with and please don't be shy to just ask your MA.

A wee bit nervous about what the folks at UoM will say. However I am told these "egg heads" are brilliant, so as they said in WW1, "trust in God but pass the ammunition"! Going to beat this one way or another. Hmmmm, wonder if Big Blue is playing football today, maybe I can grab some tailgating (or tail) before my noon check in??? Thanx again for all your support! Tom theliquor

I don't mean to be rude but what the %^*#^ is with all the bbfs requests? I took some time off and since I've come back, so many men have requested bbfs "even if I pay you more." NO... No, no and NO!! I will not offer bbfs (although I do bbbj) but that's a whole different story. Did I miss a memo somewhere? What's going on? I've been around for a while and I have NEVER had this many requests. People, please play safe, get checked regularly and please don't participate in bbfs! It's not just about pregnancy or bacterial infections! There are serious viruses out there! I'm just shocked by the number of requests, as if it's normal. Please, don't let this be the norm...

SHE MADE IT! My very good friends dog had emergency surgery today, and there was a big chance she wouldn't make it - BUT SHE DID!!! :D :D :D

Hello Cerbies :) As someone who loves clever word play, witty puns and sarcastic quips, I would be most interested to see what you have in store for us. The following was recently posted in another thread and I thought I should share it with you because it was brilliant! On a different note... "I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me." Or even something like this: Brainy teasers and riddles are great too! Riddle: I am eight letters long "12345678." My 1234 is an atmospheric condition. My 34567 supports a plant. My 4567 is to appropriate. My 45 is a friendly thank you. My 678 is a name. What word am I? Mistaken Have fun! Gabby xox

The real highlight of my day today was a long-awaited first time meeting this morning with a wonderful gentleman, which worked out perfectly to be a fantastically orgasmic & super hot awesome good time. ;) After that I took my full spare change jar to the "TD Coin Counter" to empty it & start over, and I got back $376! Not too shabby! That was followed by a well-deserved delicious home made lunch of steak & eggs (beef tenderloin, over easy organic freerun brown eggs, bell peppers, onions, fresh jalapenos, aged cheddar - YUM). Now I am thinking about an afternoon nap... Pretty friggin' awesome day so far!! lol :)

I just visited this girl. thought I would fill everyone in that is curious. Not real pics, and since we are not suppose to say anything negative I will end right there.

Really, it's ridiculous. I offer pse and bbbjcim but never bbfs. Lets just educate and get the word out. HIV people! If you don't like condoms, I have female condoms :) If a condom sabotages your hard on then female condom. I have them, lets give it a try!!! I'm excited to try!!!

Hi Gents, Don't let the ink deceive you, I'm as sweet as they come and even more playful! Spending the afternoon at Paradise and I would love some attention Come in for a relaxing full body massage and let me help rub those worries away. you can find me at 1902 Robertson Rd. until 11:00 tonight. For bookings call 613-820-8887

First of all I'd like to thank Mistert, spud and loneskater for organizing such an amazing social last night. I had so much fun! It was great meeting so many new people and putting faces to screen names :) and the treats...oh the tasty treats... As some of you know I found out yesterday that my best friend from high school lost her mother in the barhaven bus tragedy. She was an amazing lady, a second mother to me during that time. I honestly cannot believe she is really gone. I think you'll understand when I say that I am taking a day to myself today. It's a day to hug loved ones in tighter and spend with friends and family. My friend comes in today and I need to see her. It's such a weird feeling. I am split right down the center - half of me wants to mourn but the other half wants to grab life by the balls and live hard. Don't take a second for granted.. If that feeling sticks around I might host tomorrow. Nice beds and pretty pools are a nice distraction. Thank you to those who said kind words and sent good thoughts last night and thank you for making sure my drink was never empty (or maybe not so much thank you :P) This community has overwhelmed me since I started with support, kindness and friendship. I'm not sure what I expected but this has been a great surprise. I am lucky to count so may of you as friends. xxMeganxx

Once in a while you come to realize that so many of our members really don't "get" the whole hobby experience, or rather, they understand that there are rules but believe they are somehow exempt. So let's help them. Let's give some handy tips to make this a more wonderful experience for all. This is a pleasant place so let's keep it constructive... and be aware that the rules shouldn't just be for clients, you can also add some helpful tips that may help a new provider too! Here goes: 1. Appointment time is at 2:00 pm, what time do I arrive? Ummmmm. Hmmmmm. What part of 2:00 pm is ambiguous? A 2 o'clock appointment means you are at her door at 2. Not 1:55, not 2:10. It's seems petty but when you screw up her schedule, you may be screwing up MY schedule. I may be the appointment at 3. I have things to do... and my schedule may not be as loosey goosey as yours. I may be using a very small window of time or I may have "commitments" that see me arriving like clockwork elsewhere. Regardless, when the little hand is at 2 and the big hand is at 12, be where you are supposed to be. 2. "I am awesomely wicked good in bed, and I often masturbate to pictures of myself nude, because I am that good looking. Can we negotiate a better rate?" In a word, No. Would you go to a restaurant and say, "I am a really good eater, can I get a better price on that steak?" Would you go to a lawyer and say, "I am an awesome criminal, can you represent me for free?" Would you go to the dentist and say, "My teeth are so bad that you should fix them all for $50!" A service provider gets paid at a set rate because she is a professional. She is good... no, not just good... wickedly awesome good, at what she does. Your part is the compensation, her part is the wicked awesome part. Pay the pretty lady and be happy. 3. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Ever step into an elevator and stand next to someone who smells like they have never met a bar of soap they liked? Ever met someone that looked like they were an extra in the Walking Dead? Have you ever gone into a bathroom after someone and wondered if they ate something dead? Step one. Go to the potty. Do your business. Wipe. Wipe again. Wipe again. and then, wipe again. Do the optical test. Last wipe. Is there any residue? If yes, start over. If no, then proceed to step two. Step Two. Shower. Clean EVERYWHERE. Rinse. Repeat. Did you pay attention to anywhere in particular??? Hmmm??? Go back to those places. Make em sparkle. (at this point I do suggest that artificial glitter is NOT necessary.) Get out of the shower. Towel dry (for pete's sake use a clean towel!)... apply a generous amount of deodorant/anti-perspirant. Brush your teeth. (if additional grooming is required, please do that too.) Step three. Clothing. Go to the place where you keep your clean clothes. No. Not the place where you put the stuff that you THINK you can wear again. The CLEAN clothes. You know that stuff that you just took from the dryer and folded nicely?? That's the stuff. Wear that shit. Uh oh... what if I have to do step one again?? Then repeat ALL the steps. Cuz skidmarks are not sexy. Febreeze showers are not acceptable. 4. I have to cancel, what do I do? Give your head a smack. With a hammer. Stop. Now take a pointy thing and stick it with great force into your upper thigh, avoiding the artery. Now, go to your car. Start it. Open the door, put your foot beneath a tire and have someone put that car in reverse. Cancellations? NOT COOL. We all know that shit happens. A death in the family. A sick kid. Decapitation with farm machinery. Thermonuclear war. Explosion of your planet from a death star ray. That shit is acceptable.... but you still owe the pretty lady an explanation AND a cancellation fee. When you cancel, providers don't eat. When providers don't eat they get distended bellies and look like kids from the CARE commercials. When you cancel, providers give not only you, but also your city, a bad reputation. This makes you masturbate more. Because you will never get laid again. Ever. You will over develop muscles in only one arm. Your clothes will fit poorly. People will figure it out and suspect you are the notorious masturbating king of cancellations. They will hunt you down and kill your family. Let's keep little Bobby and Joanie safe. If you make an appointment, keep that appointment. Your family will love you for it. 5. "I'm a little short on cash. Do you think she will notice if the envelope is a bit short?" In a word, yes. She will also point out that your penis is a bit short.... and that your skill level is a bit short... and that you cry like a bitch when you have your pathetic little man-gasm. Do you want that??? Do YOU WANT THAT, bitch??? Wow. That was a bit over-emphatic. Gonna step away from the computer and take a valium. BACK!!!! Where were we... yes. Shorting your provider. Not COOL. Remember, providers have special powers. They communicate telepathically. As soon as you walk out that door, she will know and so will all of her allies in the super friends. They will combine their superpowers and make sure that you never get wood again.... and if you do, it will be at inappropriate times... like at funerals or family gatherings or when talking to your grandfather or something like that. Seriously?? Give your head a shake. If you are short then GET the money and make sure you have it set aside BEFORE you book. You will have a wickedly awesome good time... just pay the pretty lady what you agreed to and enjoy! 6. Can I pay her in drugs? Hmmmm. Does your banker take drugs in lieu of money? Have you offered Rogers drugs in return for their cable/home phone/cell phone/internet bundle? When you get groceries at Loblaws, do they have a special drawer that says "financial equivalent in drugs?" You know the answer. "No, you addled-pated simpleton." Remember the distended belly part from above? Providers take cash because cash buys groceries, pays bills and looks pretty. Carrying cash will not get you arrested. Using cash is the engine that runs our capitalist society. "All you need is cash, cash is all you need." The Beatles sang that, I think. Your turn....

Disclaimer: I realize that the majority of you are paying for a sexual service and that your needs should be met within the boundaries of the escort in question. That is the service I am providing. However, that being said, I would like to call attention to what I like to refer to as "jack-hammering." This is basically extended penetrative sex and nothing else. You may be convinced that good sex requires only penetration and stamina--as well all know, women want a man who can last (I hope you can sense the sarcasm there), or perhaps it is purely selfish on your part, you do want to get your money's worth after all. So you pound your paid sex partner, over and over, squeezing in every possible available second. In which case, I am not a blow-up doll. I am not an object solely for your use. Keep in mind, I do not think it is a problem, for example, if you would like to simply pay to receive a blowjob, provided you realize the skill and time involved in administering a good blowjob. And I do not think penetrative sex itself is bad. But if you are interested in engaging in a full range of sexual behaviour, please realize that "sex" does not simply equal penetration for as long as humanly possible. After awhile it is painful, un-stimulating and rather boring. If a woman is not turned on, she doesn't create those delicious lubricating fluids that can make penetrative sex so wonderful. So take the time to pay attention to things like kissing and groping and licking and nibbling and so on. If the first thing you're going for is penetration, you have skipped so many amazing, naughty fun things to do to one another. While we are providing a very intimate service, aimed at generating your pleasure and satisfaction, we have emotions, and physical limits. So keep that in mind the next time you're with your favourite lady. Happy pooning!

I like Angela because she is an extremely friendly hostess to visiting ladies and has made me very welcome in Ottawa!

It's Saturday, back after a long week... yeah it's time for some kinky fun. What kind of kink do I do? Try me. I used to do fetish modelling- nothing you say is going to shock me. I've had the pleasure of fulfilling so many of my own fantasies...I'm addicted to exploring all those taboo things you're nervous to admit. I'm really easy to talk to, I excel and getting you comfortable and I take pride in what I do. A little about me: -22 years old - petite, 5'2, 115lb - 32DD natural breasts - slim waist and fit - dark hair that cascades down my back Take a quick peek at my albums to get a little taste! Rates - GFE 250$/hr Stripper 280$/hr Kink 300+/hr Give me a shout or send me a text at 613-415-5533 check out my **NEW** pictures and my NEW recommendations!

Went to see Brandy from CL this afternoon, not bad part of town if the sun is out. But her place is clean and she does have a great attitude, lack of skills in the massage dept. but good service otherwise. I would repeat one day.

You know all those socks that mysteriously disappear? Well, here is a new dilemma for you....window cranks! I have 12 windows that open and can only find 4 cranks! Sucks on a beautiful day like this cause I wanna open all the windows but have to run around with the one crank I unscrewed! Later, when it gets cooler I am really gonna be pissed!

Saw Bryan Adams front row in a small venue well over 20 years ago when he was just starting out. Now going to see him again at Carnegie Hall. Kinda cool.

For me I like to have a little chit chat while I am leading them to my massage room, from there if they have questions or would like to discuss in room tipping or what to expect we can have a conversation (before we start with the time paid for room) from there it's off to the shower I like to offer my assistance, either way I start the shower and excuse myself for a second to let them disrobe and settle then I return to start our time together. I think every MA has their own way and preferences, but this is just my take. Kisses XoX

Yup. You're in my thoughts today.

It is also illegal here in Nova Scotia. A friend of mine was at a stop light recently and picked up his phone off the passenger seat to check the time. As he placed it back on the seat he was pulled over by a police officer because it was in his hand. I find even having a Bluetooth device in your ear to be equally as distracting as you are not fully aware of your environment. Hands free does not all of a sudden make you aware of what is around you. A pedestrian may try to cross the street, a driver may decide they have time to make that right hand turn, or a cyclist may weave in and out. I think that if you are going to drive or even walk (as many pedestrians are texting without looking where they are walking) then turn your phone off or put it somewhere you can't reach until you arrive at your destination. Just my 2 cents IMHO.

Well done, Thumper! Thanks for your contributions.

congrats, keep it up.

I'm actually a little surprised he said it was a mistake. To have 1 key instead of three to reboot your computer would be a mistake IMO. You can accidentally hit 1 key easily, you really have to want to do it to press three keys simultaneously.

I look forward to your next 100.

Hello Gentlemen.. My name is Mandy! I have green eyes, long blonde hair, and a naturally fit body...I am a classy girl, and I take care of myself very well. I've been working in the massage industry for 6 months now... My services include sexy body slides, full body massage, reverse massage and lap dances if requested!... I am very easy to talk to and have a great personality... So why not come enjoy my beautiful behind, tight body and 36C natural breasts, you will be sure to leave with a smile :icon_razz: Feel free to check out my profile! You can find me at Paradise Spa, conveniently located in the west end of Ottawa... It is an upscale, classy and discreet spa!... Rooms include large mirrors, music, and black lights to intensify your sensual experience... In calls only please Schedule September 24th - September 29th Friday 3:30-11pm Saturday 3:30-9pm XOOOXOOOX

Well done Thump! The first 100 are the hardest. Looking forward to more.

congrats Thumper:) on your cerb milestone, wish you were here to take my pictures;)

MissMadisonxox, with thanks and appreciation!!

Getting to my hotel after 12hrs of travel and getting upgraded to a kick ass suite....:)

Happy Birthday Isabella! Hope you had a great day!

tonight it's Campbell tomato soup with grilled cheese

Unfortunately, it is :( Indeed, those excuses along with "I am allergic to latex, can I get BBFS" and/or "I have been with my wife for 30 years, never had sex with anyone else during that time, I am disease free, can't get an erection with a condom, can we have BBFS" or the opposite "I am a virgin" get used a lot and those BBFS requests are more common then one might expect. Your back door comment is also accurate... These types of emails always have a pattern to them too. It usually goes something like this: - First, he let's you know he is disease free - secondly, he let's you know he is more than comfortable financially - then explains his monogamous life - then explains his problem with an erection when wearing a condom - then gives the lady/SP great compliments - then shares his concerns about the SP being disease free - then offers "papers" to show he is "clean" and requires the same thing from the SP - then there is usually a reinforcement about how good looking he is, how wealthy he is, how he would be a good client and how he cares about his health (and yours) - then they often go into the "if you are not willing to offer BBFS, please do not be rude because I asked" - and if you have the misfortune of dealing with someone who is persistent, after you say no, they will come back with other "valid points" as to why you should offer them BBFS, remind you that you would be missing out on a lot and then come back with a higher $number... From experience (not only personal but from other ladies), I can assure you that BBFS requests come from men from all ages. .................. I am posting this email request as an example, edited to protect the man's privacy and his personal information, just to give you an idea of the manipulation involved in those types of request. Since I was not the one to receive that particular request, my lady friend gave me permission to post it in this thread. "Hello, I'm a tall, fit, handsome, intelligent, respectful, 100% disease free man who lives in xxx who collects a hefty xxxx and who has been in a faithful relationship with the same woman for the past x years but sadly the passion is now gone and I need some fun in my life. I would like to see you as soon as possible. I am looking for one classy honest, disease free provider to share a series of very special experiences with. As long as provide you with info to do a thorough back round check on me as well as current up to date medical proof that I'm 100% disease free and I also need proof that your totally healthy as well! Can we do a 6 hour BBFS session? Please email me your decision, thank you. I am a member of xxx and I do take maintaining my perfect health very seriously. P.S I am not the kind of guy to jump into a BBFS situation with both guns blazing because my perfect health is very important to me but as long as your willing to be honest with me and provide me with all the documentation that you are totally clean and once we get to know one another and build a trust between us is a 6 HOUR BBFS session possible? If you are not interested just politely say no but please don't go out of your way to insult me because there is no need for that, thank you and I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible. P.S I am more then happy to donate extra, for the extra care and consideration. One more thing I forgot to mention, I am very well endowed! I am built way above the standard in every way imaginable! "

Please add your name or nod to this thread as a show of strength for THE LIQUOR and as a force against that sob cancer that keeps invading his life. May all this positive energy help kick it out of his life for good!

Some final thoughts, now that the dust has settled and that i had time to relax a bit !! I want to thank Loneskater and Spud for their help in my organizing this social. It was an amazing experience organizing it, and comments we received in person, on this thread and in private were all positive. We've noted a few things to improve upon, as there's always room for improvement. Loneskater and I have had a chance to chat, and i can speak on his behalf here on the fact that both of us will be involved in organizing the December social. I want to provide forward notice that the next one will be on December 12th, but please wait until the official thread is started in a few weeks to contact us (messages sent concerning it will be unanswered), as we want to take a bit of time off to recover lol !!! Cheers!!

On a whim, I TOFTT yesterday and arranged to meet with Victoria at a clean downtown hotel. Her response to my txt inquiry on clarification of the HYDRATED title in her ad only proved to heighten my curiosity and anticipation. I'm glad I took the chance. Victoria proved to be very cute, great smile, tiny breasts (still cute, even for this big, natural breast fan), spinnerish, but with an adorable jiggle in her badunkadonck wiggle. YMMV, but bbbj was intense and sensual at same time. I asked if she could display her water skills, and she proceeded to lie back and give me the most amazing view of her self pleasure. No waterworks in the end, but by that time I was so turned on, I grabbed her and said it was time to do this thing! When I commented that I'd really love to tap that perfect, squeezable booty, she surprised me by letting me know that could certainly happen, for xtra donation. Didn't take but half a second before we enjoyed some amazing greek; slow and gentle to start but finishing off quite intense, heart racing and hard. Short story, this grlz a sweetheart, very cute and quite a lil' dynamo. If you've been pondering her ads, don't think any further. You'll be glad you did.

Very interested myself in this list. Could also ad a few places. Thanks

These girls run the best agency in Ottawa in my opinion.

What makes you think they don't look at this site? I know for a fact they do as I have spoken with police in the past in regards to the site. In fact a very nice lady police investigator contacted us not too long ago asking for assistance in a case. Now, your new so I suspect you think prostitution is illegal right? We watch a lot of american TV and prostitution in Canada (unlike MOST of the USA) is very much legal here. In canada streetwalking (public solicitation), brothels (common bawdy houses) and pimping/procuring is illegal. The actual exchange for money for sex in private is very much legal and since a website is not considered a PUBLIC PLACE discussing and advertising such activities in classified ads and online is NOT illegal. We do not allow discussions of illegal nature here. Included on this list is - streetwalkers - FS massage spa's - public brothels - sex in public (including "Car dates") - underage (18 is the legal age) - drugs - pimping and so on... Hope that helps

Dude, seriously...just fucking do it. Who can you trust? Everyone. All the ladies who advertise here and have review threads are absolutely trustworthy as far as your needs are concerned. You're not giving them your bank account or SIN number or first born child for fucks sake. Shave your nuts, wash your ass, head to the ATM and have at it. Don't be a pussy.

OD, what were you thinking? Come on! :sadomaso: You forgot to include in your number 10 that NO lady wants to see a picture of their male junk :obs55:, big or small, shaved or not, in their introduction email ;)