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Greetings my fellow CERBites.... First and foremost, I must reiterate that this is an apology. I have not been on much if at all for the last two or three months and the halt in OD postings was rather precipitous. None of you caused me to stop posting... let's make that clear. The last few months in OTown have been a wee bit tense. For those of us in the public sector, the possibility/probability of imminent unemployment has weighed heavily on the emotional, the psychological and the physical well being that all of us cherish. It's hard to play when you have no pay. That being said, I did survive only marginally scathed... if scathed is a word, I mean if unscathed is a word then dammit scathed has to be a word too. I digress. I have a job and it's the same one... it's a little leaner and going to be a lot tougher to manage with less people around me, but I am here and employed. Whew. It has been heartwarming to see the messages that have popped up on the page and in my inbox in the past few months.... despite the self imposed exile I have really missed so many of you. I am lucky in so many ways to have a circle of friends on here that have kept me connected during the period of absence... and I am excited to see that some of the fresh faces here have been embraced by the multitudes. Soooo... where does that leave us? I am easing my way back in. Rest assured boobies, bums and vajayjays still occupy the greater part of my brain. They swirl about... sometimes they subtly brush against each other causing wee mind moans... oh damn. Thank goodness for kleenex. Anyhow. I. AM. BACK. Let's get durtee. OD.

Glad you survived the cuts OD. However, I'm sure there are a number of our fellow cerbians that weren't as fortunate. I wish them all success in sorting out their future paths.

Jabba, I've never seen a man who needed enhancement, frankly. It really is true that it's not what you've got that matters, it's how you use it. Most of all, thoughtful creativity, sensitivity to one's partner and a willingness to be playful and experiment are what count. As for what's available that actually works, there's a good thread about cock rings that may interest you. Some men who have severe erectile dysfunction opt for penile implant surgery; the Mayo Clinic has an article describing the basics. There's a wide variety of options for implant surgery, which are discussed in this article. I knew one man who'd had an inflatable implant. He'd had the surgery quite some time ago and was pleased with the result. I had no problem with it. All that mattered to me was that he was happy: being able to have intercourse was very important to him.

To expand on this... and before I do so, I should add that this post is in no way aimed at the OP - I'm just throwing it out there for anyone who may appreciate it... I'm sure most SPs would be delighted to give you a massage as a prelude to other activities, if you asked for one. However, you should NOT go and see MAs thinking that after you've had a massage from them you'll get... more. The ladies who choose to be MAs rather than SPs do so for a reason; while I'm sure the reasons are different for everyone, you may rest assured that if any MA wished to do FS on a regular basis, she would simply do so and advertise as a SP. And yes, you'll doubtless hear of MPs or particular MAs that will give you "more". I have no doubt that there's truth to some of these rumours... but please remember that going in *expecting* this sort of thing is a sure route to disappointment and a lot of questions to which the answer is, "No." Again, I must emphasize that the last couple of paragraphs weren't aimed at anyone in particular... but if half of what I've heard is true, it needs to be said.

This is mainly for any newbies on CERB who have never heard of Cowboy Kenny's diary before. My advice is always the same, if it sounds to good to be true...it probably is! I was reading on this site and elsewhere, that people have been burned here in Ottawa lately. My advice is to daily check CK's diary, he does very good work for all of us and if you want to protect yourself then read it please! I hate hearing stories of things going badly wrong, especially when it could have easily been avoided. It only takes a couple of minutes to scroll through the daily updates, but it is very much worth it! http://www.cowboysdiary.info/

I put too much in my comment. Just like to thank you again for this important correction. When I go to a massage provider, whether independent or a parlor, I'm not looking for FS. Some people do, but I personally prefer to keep things within usual Massage Parlour limits. Massage is a very different and wonderful erotic experience. Enjoy it for what it is.

I had the pleasure meeting Crystal last night on my way home from work. If you happen to notice her lovely photo albums, you can see that she is, beautiful,sexy,sensual and has a great personality and a very lovely smile. We had our lovely shower together, the touching,the soap bubbles,the embrace along with some good conversation.After our shower my time was followed by a very erotic massage by her,with lots of oil and lovely body slides.:) and to have her beautiful breasts slide along your back side and looking into the mirror, is so divine and spectacular!! I had asked she would mind if I could give her a massage, and she was ALL for it! Touching her beautiful soft skin, massaging her body from feet,legs, to her neck was very pleasurable for her and myself. Crystal has a very amazing body,tight toned legs, a very sexy bum, and Oh my those beautiful breasts too :) :) YUMMY! Should of seen her walk in the room with a sexy tight short black dress to the thighs, and high heels, wasn't long for me to get excited ;) We finished off on the table with some very erotic positions that are still in my memory bank and will be for a long time. If you get the chance gents, I would highly recommend her,and with the May special for an hour at Paradise, book the hour with her, she was well worth my time. Thanks Crystal, I look forward to a return visit with you ;) you are a loads of fun. Here is a visual for you gents....

I had a sneaking suspicion this thread would be revived now that you are back! :)

More than a handful here!!!

I just had the pleasure of spending time with Lana. She's a sensual woman with curves in all the right places, silky smooth skin and a great attitude to match. She was very accommodating and really enjoys what she does. She is also a great conversationalist and time just melted away with her. She left me feeling on top of the world. :)

This afternoon I started a new social Group - "Threesomes": http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/group.php?groupid=144 Its for those interested in threesomes (MMF, FFM); I guess that was obvious lol. I've had great experiences through the "PolyParty" group and hope to continue to do so, but 3somes should be easier and quicker to setup, so can occur more frequently. Certainly 4some could be arranged through the group as well, but the PolyGroup is setup for groups. Joining the social group and posting your interest and preferred timeframe should potentially generate a response from other and hopefully a "ThreeSome". I'm hoping some SP's will join so we'll know which SP's are interested in MMF or FFM. I'm very straight but do enjoy FFM and MMF where I interact with the female. Feel free to join if intested, post comments and pictures. Thanks, Lets have Fun!

Lake Okeechobee, Florida Also known as the Big O One day may just take the trip down there and do some bass fishing. RG

and exploded over Lexy's face

Asked, 'Victoria, Gena, join us......' ( lol)

Has anyone covered this yet? I haven't read the whole thread, but this (and of course the entire short=-lived, half-a-season run of the TV series that preceded it)

I am French. I ride horses (and other type of stallions...;)) but I don't do cow gathering... do I still count?:D

I am maybe no longer your neighbour...but I am still going to haunt you from Toronto!

I'm a deft hand in the kitchen. I have also been known to rustle up a fabulous breakfast. :icon_smile: Additional Comments: Some food and sex inspirations

Enjoy the day Sophia ... It sound wonderful. Treasure those moments. My mother is 88 and suffering from dementia. I'm going to be seeing her in a few weeks, and while I'm really looking forward to it, it's been over a year since I last saw her (usually I visit weekly). I'm not even sure she'll know who I am, so part of me is very anxious about how much she may have deteriorated.

That happened to me in Winnipeg once. I was taking a cab to the incall of a lady I used to see quite often. She worked out of an apartment with another lady. I give the address (which I knew well) and off we went. Half way there the cabby asks "so, you going to see those playful ladies that work in that building". After I finished choking I made up something lame about visiting my aunt! Several possible answers. I suppose texting and cell phones make it somewhat easier to be discrete from the back seat of a cab. If you explain the situation, and it's a lady you know from the board, you could probably phone for the address just before getting your cab. You could ask for an outcall to your hotel. There might be an additional cost but probably worth it. I wouldn't worry about the cabby. I suspect cabbies are as aware of what's going on in the naked city as the hotel staff. And the likelihood of ever encountering that cabbie again are very slim. Oops, I read this before I'd finished my first coffee ... You have luggage. That's even easier. You explain to the cabby you're going to your sister's, old college friend, etc. they've just moved and you're not 100% sure of the address, you can't find where you wrote it down, etc. you know it's near x intersection, head there and you'll ring her for directions. You can even be more up front ... " On a layover and going to visit a friend. Never been there before so I need to call for directions. Damn I wish I had someplace to leave this luggage."

Aw, shucks! Thanks everyone! I had a fabulous time with friends in Toronto. A much-needed mini vacation! Posted via Mobile Device

Please let it be known I really do want to see this speedo. I promise to match this and more so game on baby!! No tea here baby!!

VERY glad to have you back, OD! We've been a bit short on essential revelry without you. I was concerned that you might have been a victim of the Zombie Apocalypse, so it's good to have your report that you've survived, so far! Btw, someone needs to prod the Fat Bastard BBM out of hibernation and back to work, or whatever approximation of work they might aim to achieve.....

It has been quite quiet around here lately, but by my count, I have 20 posts today by Old Dog, after a near 2 months absence. It isn't the quantity of posts that was important, but the quality. Old Dog was sure to provide us insights into many areas, from his vast range of music to his many talents on subjects from A-Z. I don't know about everyone else, but I have missed those contributions and are glad that they have return. May OD post forever....:)

Sideboob!!!!

Coming back and feelin' the luv.....

Finally getting one kid through university and off the child support books.... only to learn that your salary is being trimmed by pretty much the EXACT amount that you were looking forward to saving.....

Teasing moi? I learnt not to fry bacon..naked..still have the scars :). Tonight cooked curry chicken and quinoa...while tweeting and reading about what human memory is or isn't, drinking beer and enjoying a bowl or two ;) The Pisces split personality thing going on. Peace MG

I can only speak for myself but really I don't think any lady would have an issue if you preferred to not kiss. The ladies here value their health and safety and the health and safety of anyone they have an encounter with and supply everything that is needed to ensure all parties are protected and safe. It is not rude or awkward if done in a proper manner to decline or say you wish to not partake in an activity that is offered, as long as you are respectful in how you approach and discuss this before hand with the lady. When contacting a lady you can always say respectfully exactly what you are looking for and I'm certain, most would be very accommodating. Communication is always key to an amazing, fun encounter.

Just a heads up to everyone that it's Star Wars day. May the 4th be with you.

If u don't know how to navigate a traffic circle then avoid it! Idiots!!!!

I cook, am super laid back and watch the Big Bang Theory.....does that count? :) Peace MG

Yesterdays highlight but still chuckling this morning about it. Bear with me... a little story to this. I had some late night company show up at midnight last night drunk. Two good friends, one fella I absolutely can't stand and his younger sister. This fella is an arrogant f*** to say the least. For 20 years he has always made fun of my clean shaven head and I always just ignored him....water off my back. Last night after the third joke about it .... I looked at him, looked at his hot sister ... winked at her and said " well you know your sister has had her legs wrapped around that bald head more than once and I believe she loves it" :D He turned beat red....looked at his sister...she nodded and smiled....my friends laughed their ass off and then he stormed off like he was eleventeen ;) hahaha ..... I guess you had to be there :roll:

I hope that this posting will help any newbies in the Ottawa area avoid any issues. Read the diary daily! I'm just going to keep posting the link to his site to help you guys out and make this a better community! :)

For those who don't like the actual exchange: put it in an envelope, upon arrival excuse yourself to the rest room and leave it on the counter. The lady can then go and retrieve the donation as she freshens up. I do this with a few guests :)

It sickens me to hear of guys getting scammed when the whole situation is generally avoidable!

It's pretty hard to top the awesome belle of Belleville, SHORTCAKE.

Soooooo Chrystal wears spike high heels when we meet ....so guess who else meets me at the door....BOOBS :D Thelma and Louise I like to call them....they can run but can never hide, they are always perky, ready to play and like to be bad bad naughty girls ;) with Chrystal's permission....Merci !!

I did a photoshoot today. I am pretty sure one of the picture from today is the most beautiful pic of myself I ever saw

My first time with a SP was actually not too long. I had been thinking of finally taking the plunge for a little while, and had been surfing the web trying to find information on this sort of thing and than I stumbled upon cerb and you could say that it changed everything. I'll admit that at first I had my reservations about this sort of thing but after finding cerb and reading the posts from hobbyist and the ladies my views changed. I also loved that that this community was so positive and non judgemental and that made things easier to take the plunge. So after doing a bit of research I finally got the nerve up to pm a very well reviewed lady and we exchanged a message or two. The next day I decided to see if she was available and by chance she was. We exchanged a few more messages and I decided to go ahead and meet her. Now I should add that not only was this my first time with a SP, but it was my first time. And to say that I was a little nervous would be the understatement of the century. So I finally get the nerve to call to confirm and I can honestly say that I've never felt more like a dork in my life as I was stammering something fiercel. She was very sweet on the phone though and that made things easier. The drive up to meet her was something of a roller coaster though as I had every feeling you could imagine but finally made it to the meeting and I have to say it was well worth it. I make it to the room and give the door a knock and hiding behind the door is truly one of the most beautiful women I have ever had the pleasure of spending time with. As great as her pictures are she is even better in person. When we get into the room she gives me a hug and I have to admit that I had another bit of a dork moment when I was trying to figure out what to do with the donation but without really saying anything directed me to as where to put it. So we proceeded to talk for a bit to get a little more comfortable first. She knew about my circumstances, as I let her know ahead of time when messaging. And I have to say she really made me feel at ease and I can't describe how much that helped. She has a truly sweet personality which also helps to put people at ease. As a gentleman I don't want to get into a play by play but I truly enjoyed our time together :) I also really enjoyed talking to her afterwards. After we hugged again and parted ways I can honestly say I had the hugest smile on my face the whole drive home. Like someguy I'll only be able to hobby occasionally due to a limited budget and other circumstances. But hopefully I'll be able to visit her again sometime. Regardless of my circumstances I still enjoy reading the stories, jokes, and posts here on cerb as well as the company of such positive people :)

I couldn't agree more with that you say fortunateone. I felt "compelled" to write a review. It was accurate and from the heart without exaggeration based on a phenomenal experience and I could tell it wasn't going to just be my specific experience as this was one wonderful lady in so many ways. My goal was to let people know what a wonderful person I had been fortunate enough to meet to help them decide if they were considering her also. Of course I did what I think only polite: I sent the review to the lady first and asked her it was okay to post it and any changes she wanted made to it would be seriously considered and the review wouldn't be posted at all if she did want it to be. She wrote back and said don't change a thing, but I wouldn't post a review at all without permission, approval and even agreement with the contents from the lady. That's not to say I'm going to let her write it or suggest changes to the point of making it inaccurate, but I think it is nice to make sure she doesn't mind a review and agrees with it's contents before it's even posted.

both ass and tits are great tough to pick between the two, but most important is the personality of the girl they are attached to.

I love them both for sure, I think the bum is often a neglected area but personally I feel its a very erogonous area ...both women and men. Emily you are blessed with both for sure and I can't wait to meet you to enjoy both sets and give them the attention they deserve :)-

My line to the ladies (just tongue in cheek here, versus the young guy's line given to Nicolette :-)) "I'm old (well middle aged LOL), bald, overweight and wear glasses and will never be on the cover of GQ But I'm a gentleman who happily pays the donation, plus a tip and gift RG

Oh and I forgot to mention, I've heard a few classics from lowballers who attempt to do it in a roundabout way so they think they're not appearing to be cheap in a monetary way... Him: "I'm young, handsome and well hung that you will enjoy me so much that you will not want any compensation." Me: "Honey, being young, handsome and well hung doesn't pay my bills." Silence...

I'm just surprised that people actually do this! I can't imagine starting off an encounter like this. I'm not just looking for sex, I'm looking for the whole experience. Pissing off the lady and making her feel bad about herself is not exactly going to set the mood, even if it did work. (I would expect most ladies would tell me to take a hike if I tried anyway). At the end of the day, if $20 is going to make that big of a difference to you, then you probably shouldn't be hobbying.

I never haggle or negotiate, either. It's insulting to be asked. My fees are clearly stated on my website and in e-mail I exchange with prospective clients. One of the reasons I prefer e-mail, initially, is that it's so easy to be very clear and explicit about important things like this. I've rarely had a problem with it. I had a meeting with a brand new client last week. We'd had a very positive e-mail discussion and had spoken twice on the phone. He seemed like an ideal client. I was looking forward to meeting him. When he arrived, he handed me an envelope, which I put in a drawer. (I never count the contents in front of clients.) As I was pouring coffee for us, he said, as casual as can be, that he couldn't stay as long as planned, after all, unfortunately, and that he was sure it was okay that he'd reduced payment of my fee accordingly. I was stunned. After a long moment, I said that he should have told me that he needed to cut the meeting short before he arrived. I said I was sorry he couldn't stay, and handed him his coat with a smile. It was his turn to be surprised, then. He asked if I was going to give him a refund. I said no. I also said that it was clear we weren't compatible. He said, "You do have a very high opinion of yourself. You should re-evaluate it." I bit my tongue, opened the door and wished him well. My general experience is that the men who contact me are real gentlemen who would never engage in games like this. That's what was so surprising about this fellow. His smooth sense of entitlement was almost chilling and makes me wonder how he deals with people in other situations. Not well, I imagine!