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Showing content with the highest reputation on 02/11/14 in all areas
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7 pointsWhy do some people do such mean things? How can they do such harm to something so innocent and undeserving? Thankfully there are some that step in to rectify the damage others have created. I hope those kind souls will be forever rewarded. I hope you don't mind me sharing this touching video.
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5 pointsNothing is ever black or white which is why some topics may be difficult to determine one's feelings about. Take your hesitation as a sign that you want to know more about the subject. It has you interested enough, it is worthy of investigation. I see that as an inquisitive mind and that's a good thing. Inquisitive people tend to not make brash decisions and tend not to impose their beliefs on others.
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4 pointsMy take on this. Approach the lady you would like to see about a retainer relationship. Tell her what you would like (ie once a week for two hours paid up front at the beginning of the month) She would tell you what the donation would be for such an arrangement and you can both set up your weekly dates Don't suggest any rates. She'll tell you her rate for a retainer type relationship. And since you know one another, you trust her and I assume by extension she trusts you, it should be something you can discuss openly. You may even wish to have an encounter with her and during the encounter discuss such an arrangement in person. My two cents RG
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4 pointsI plan on having sex and eating chocolate... Even if I have to buy them for myself :) xo
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3 pointsCongratulations on achieving the 500 post mark and doing it on your one year anniversary of being on CERB Enjoy your posts, looking forward to your next year and your next 500 posts RG
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3 pointsbeing indecisive often just means taking time to think about something, rather than rushing to judgement. And yes, sometimes that means not being able to decide, precisely because the world is rarely black and white. If more people took the time to reflect, perhaps the world would be a little bit better off. Porthos
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3 pointsI was going to write something thoughtful but as I am presently on the throne and my legs have fallen asleep while I read all of the other insightful posts on this thread, I'll just say this: Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Be yourself, take a chance and play nice. Good things are bound to happen. Now if I can only stand up without falling back in, I'll consider the day a success. :icon_eek:
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3 pointsIt's too cumbersome to have a strong opinion about everything. A lot of the times I know that I need more information to completely asses the situation, information that I won't get just by reading the paper, or watching the news. One example in Toronto that's a very complicated topic is a runway extension for a downtown Airport which is on an island. Issues range from jobs, economics, taxes to noise, pollution, viability. Proponents from both sides who know what they are talking about have excellent points, otherwise a lot of people are spewing nonsense or basic talking points. I know that the situation isn't completely clear, and I don't have all the information to really decide one way or the other yet.
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3 pointsSee this is the beautiful part about board participation. By Miss Davis sharing a little tid bit about her life I personally find her more endearing and "real". Because being able to connect with a lady on a level beyond the physical is important to me I now realize that if Miss Davis and I were to meet we'd be able to "connect" over baby stories. So without realizing it Miss Davis just gained a potential client when I'm in her neck of the woods again.
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3 pointsI wish I had more time to post, to be honest. I have a variety of things that compete with my time, such as writing my thesis, my work as a research assistant, my yoga practice, etc. I find it really hard to find time to post on forums which is why I write in my blog more often. I know how important it is for people to get a general sense of who we are beyond what we write on our websites, etc. I hardly tour and sometimes I find it difficult to keep up with all the boards. I can only imagine how much time and energy it takes for those that tour multiple cities across Canada to keep up a board presence. I really (really) admire them a lot. This is completely unrelated, and I hope this isn't a hijack RG, but it reminds me of when people say that being an escort is 'easy money'. They're so foolish! There is so much involved in attracting the kinds of clients you like and will enjoy spending time with (blogs, website maintenance, photo shoots, screening, e-mailing, forum posting, etc). Anyway, while I definitely understand how fun it is to interact with ladies online, it's not so easy sometimes. A lot of people in the industry have blogs now too and I think that's a really good way to balance it all :)
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2 pointsI am a die hard BlackBerry user and I recently downloaded a new App that I think is great for this Hobby/Business. The App is called "Hide SMS" and while it is for BlackBerry 10 phones I am sure there are similar Apps for other popular phones. Bottom line the App redirects incoming text messages from identified contacts or phone numbers into a password protected area on your phone and not into your regular text message location. This allows clients to securely text back and forth with SP's with no indication of the text trail in their regular text listing. If your spouse checks your phone you are all clear. It also would allow SP'S to flag the number of regular clients so that the record of their conversations were secure in case the phone is ever lost of stolen. I have only been playing with the app since yesterday but it looks very promising.
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2 pointsJust wondering what your thoughts are... Does it matter if a girl takes time to groom her self before seeing you ?
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2 pointsI get so annoyed when I am on the fence about topics! It bothers me to no end! Like I will think on it all day! It seems to happen more often then I like:( Am I naturally a indecisive person? Maybe.... or is it that I like to look at too many angles all at once? Maybe too observant? Grrr, like in the paper today for Fredericton, there are 3 men with charges for street solicitation, their chargers are dropped, but yet I can not seem to find a 100% decision on how I feel about it. I read and read about how other think, try to take it in, but still on the fence! ( NOT JUST THIS ISSUE, THIS IS JUST ONE EXAMPLE, LOL) How do you filter between what is truly your belief/impression? I mean I read one comment and say " YES!!' then I read an argument against...and say... " YES!" Then I just get confused! anyways....still trying to sort it out, I am not wishy washy, but I do tend to see too many points all at once:( Don't know if many other's here get the same confusion. I mean I hate for PPL to think I am just a "yes" person to everything lol... thanks for listening:)
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2 pointsCongratulations on your one year anniversary and on being a part of the CERB community. Your contributions are positive and noticed...I know I read what you have to say I was very happy to provide guidence, and I'm sure your first encounter was great. I just wish my first encounter in this lifestyle was with the same companion you saw ;-) Looking forward to your ongoing presence on CERB Happy One Year Anniversary RG
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2 pointsI always find it funny when someone wants to see me "right now". I need time to primp! Is it wrong of me to want to put my best foot forward? Contrary to popular belief, we ladies go to the gym, we go to work, we volunteer, we walk our dogs, we go to the store, we change flat tires, blah blah blah. Essentially what I am saying is that we don't sit around perfectly coifed! A little rant to solidify the fact that as serious and professional providers we choose to see you when we are at our absolute best! Your pleasure is my desire!
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2 pointsCongratulations & congratulations on the double milestone. So clever of you to combine the two to save the rest of us time. Seriously, you're one of the more thoughtful, consistent and entertaining posters, so good on you! Keep it up. :dncdick:
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2 pointsDoes it matter if a girl take the time to groom before our meeting? Yes it should, I prefer to have her with her hair well placed, clean body and clothes and smelling fresh. I have been on dates with ladies where there was no make up, no brushed teeth, still in PJ's(this could be hot if they are sexy PJ's but that time they were not) the bed was all upside down(Ok this is not part of grooming, I just added this to the list). Keep in mind it was not all on the one date.
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2 pointsAssessing the pro sand cons is always a positive, but in the end you make a decision. Of importance though is that you have confidence in your judgement, and can move on and be comfortable whether you have all he facts or are 100% sure. If you are presented by new information you can always revisit the issue.
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2 pointsI am often indecisive. I think it is common to have differing opinions about particular subjects. As Meg said, not everything is black and white. Don't be to hard on yourself or question your thoughts, having many is better than having none at all:) Sometimes weighing the pros and cons can bring about a conclusion for you, either way nothing to worry or feel bad about, you're good:)
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2 pointsI wouldn't dream of not being freshly bathed before a date! I have had people ask me not to wash my privates or my feet for a few days....never gonna happen!
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2 pointsMind? I don't mind a single bit, Cristy. Instead, I thank you for sharing this sad but touching and wonderful video. It is so gratifying to know there are some kind-hearted souls around.
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2 pointsWe all get those, but like others said stop re-evaluate change only what you can, and not others. If things are out of your hands then try not to worry about what if? Don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes admitting you're wrong and saying your sorry goes a long way. Sometimes all it takes is someone to talk to. Best of luck!
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2 pointsTuesday Sasha 9-2:30 aka "Sasha-Paradise" Kandice 9-2:30 NEW aka "Sweet Kandice" Marlie 11-4 aka "Marvelous Marlie" Mandy 12-9 aka "CandyMandy" Lydia 9-3 aka "Lovely Lydia" Riley 12:30-9 aka "Riley Parks" Salina 2-9 aka "Salinaflower" Jamie 2-9 aka "Jamie-xo" Samantha 2-9 aka "Naughty Samantha" Chloe 3:30-9 NEW aka "XchloeX" ****A Special Valentine's Day for you......theme "lingerie".....come spend some well deserved time with our sexy ladies dressed in lingerie...YUM :) Tia 9-4 aka "Tiaa.Lovee.x0" Scarlett 10-5 aka "Sultry Scarlett" Sasha 9-6 aka "Sasha-Paradise" Mandy 10-6:30 aka "Candy Mandy" Kassandra 12-4 NEW aka "Kassandra" Kandice 1:30-11 NEW aka "Sweet Kandice" Riley 3:30-11 aka "Riley Parks" Victoria 3:30-11 aka "victoriasct" Nina 5-11 aka "Nina Dream" Samantha 3:30-11 aka "Naughty Samantha" Sabrina 6-11 NEW Special Rate for Valentine's Day for all you naughty Couples: 1 or 2 Attendants 30 minute $70. 45 minute $85. 60 minute $100. HST included in all door fee prices Longer Session times available and at the Discretion of MA One of a kind Paradise Getaway for all you frisky gentleman & couples :) Online Ad check it out http://www.cerb.ca/classifieds/ottaw...2014-news.html New Sexy Pics http://www.angelstouchmassage.ca/site/the-angels/ Schedule Updated Daily http://www.angelstouchmassage.ca/site/schedule/ Come for a 4 hand massage in our getaway room....an experience you will never forget Ottawa's Best Room! Regular Room spacious and in room shower Single Massage: 30 minutes $55. 45 minutes on special for $65. 60 minutes $80. 90 minutes $120. Duo Massage: 30 minute on special for $80. 45 minute on special for $100. 60 minute on special for $130. Getaway Room Fee: Room Features a hot tub,6 ft custom shower and fireplace for your enjoyment Single Massage: 30 minutes $70. 45 minutes $85. 60 minutes $100. 90 minutes $150. Session time @ Discretion of MA Duo Massage/Couples Massage: 2 Attendant 30 minute $100. 45 minute $120. 60 minute $150. Couples Massage: 1 Attendant 30 minute $70. 45 minute $85. 60 minute $100. HST included in all door fee prices Longer Session times available and at the Discretion of MA Mandy's Recommendation http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=120757 Chloe's Recommendation***NEW RECOMMENDATION http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=165602 Riley Recommendation http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=162336 Salina's Recommendations http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=144753 Sasha's Recommendations http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=146238 Jamie's Recommendation http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=104412& http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?ltr=J&t=114727 Samantha Recommendations http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?ltr=N&t=142241 Chloe Kandice Riley
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2 pointsIve been asked this many many times over the years, like `whats the trick, what do you REALLY do ? well honestly? its to realize that there isnt one. theres no short cuts, methods or moves, that will do the work for you. im in my hotel room at this very minute, (on a monday, having been here all weekend long) and theres not a piece of trash in my garbage cans, my oil bottle is full, if you didnt know differently, youd say the hot tub, shower and towels hadnt been used. that is whats called discipline. many of the very pretty faces you come across these days are lacking it (teehee, dirty minded gutter joke:jackoff:) which is why i think if you want to make it as an indy, your only hope is to put in at least a year in a decently run, licenced mp, to learn the very basics (discretion, the law, and how have a work persona) Any hoo, thats my opinion, feeling slightly reminiscent today as im about to work outside the comfort zone of my home turf tomorrow....later haters! ;) lol play safe! Additional Comments: like i was saying, its not just my opinion i suppose...http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/local/City-to-look-into-unlicensed-escort-agencies-244753771.html
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2 pointsWith all due respect to any who reads this- posting anywhere should be done to express oneself, without worry of how the post is read or interpreted. I don't post to gain friends, fanfare or even clients. I post because I want to express my opinion, liked or not, to get ideas, discuss a topic on my mind, to hear differing opinions. I like that even though this is a reco board for sp's and hobbyists we can discuss things other than sexually related topics. General discussions is a forum for that:) I am very opinionated obviously, not everyone's cup of tea for sure but I'm also entitled to express myself like anyone else, so I do:) when I have the time;) without worrying about misinterpretations, or results:)
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2 pointsSince there was no actual evidence provided in this article, citations, or links to any actual research done, last week I e-mailed both the author of the piece in the Ottawa Sun, and the the anti-prostitution group who makes the "150 women forced in Ottawa" claim, to inquire about this apparent research. I have not received so such as an acknowledgement. I don't expect to. The group who made this claim, imPACT Ottawa, has posted on Backpage today. They linked to a survey asking clients basic questions about their involvement in the sex industry. I encourage all clients to take part in this anonymous survey, to have your voice heard. It's only a few questions. These are the sort of groups who are influencing any sort of future legislation. Take the survey:: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/5H67FYX As well.. here is a response to that article from Frederique Chabot, of POWER Ottawa: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/touch/story.html?id=9488711
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1 pointIt's your roving reporter Cato coming to you from the newly-launched Tease at 5023 Bank St. The night featured a bikini contest with ten hot contestants vying for cash prizes. The crowd was enthusiastic, and cheered the contestants on as they performed their sexy moves on stage and their acrobatic exploits on the pole. Our own Jazy was crowned the winner over stiff competition, garnering the most enthusiastic and loudest applause. Cerbites may remember that Jazy was the original inspiration for the Best Bums on the Planet thread, and she was in outstanding form as she took top honours in the first Tease Sunday Night Special. Congratulations to Jazy and all the contestants for a rollicking fun night.
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1 pointIMHO this is in no way haggling. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement!
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1 pointI have an LED and a plasma. The plasma was in a bright room and I found it hard to watch, moved to a darker room and much better. The LED replaced the plasma and it much better in varying light. The LED has a better picture to me but it might be because it about 5 years newer. Lastly the LED is a smart TV, not sure if worth the cost but I love it for Netflix.
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1 pointI am gonna post with emotions raging rather than a well thought out response. First of all, teenage prostitution would not exist if there wasn't a market for it. As much as I believe that the clients should be able to come forward without fear of any legal charges in order to help these girls, another part of me thinks that they should face consequences for seeking out these girls in the first place. I am on the fence as to the solution to this obvious problem but my conviction still lies with the fact that the "johns" drive the need. To the little heads....seriously, when looking at an ad or seeing pics, are there not signs that would clue you in? Anyhow, peace out band I will shut my mouth now :)
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1 pointMy dear, I am sure any lady would be pleased about this:) Especially with you, as you are a proven Gentlemen. I really do not think she would look at you as a haggler at all. A retainer benefits both, whereas she knows it is a guaranteed donation per month, it can alleviate some of her concerns. I do not think an extra 30 mins should matter, personally. I have many regular clients that I give extra time to, cause I feel they are worth the extra effort as they visit every week. I always say, I can always barder on more time for my VIP, not a drop in the rate though. It is the client you never met or see once a year, and when they ask for discount I have to ask "why do you feel you are so special? I only seen you 2 times! Meanwhile, my clients that are ere every week for years are the deserving of extra effort" These are the ones that do not get the extra benefits form me. I say approach her with it, let her think on it and go from there. :)
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1 pointHave you ever had one of those weeks where nothing that you do seems to come out right. Where despite your best intentions you let down the very people that you care the most about. Where you are left questioning what you are doing and thinking that something has to change. Well that's my week this week... on all fronts this has been a complete fuck up week. It's either an aberration or a sure sign that I should reevaluate what I am doing.
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1 pointWaking up knowing you won't ever have a best hair day ever...because your bald LOL RG
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1 pointIn the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away
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1 pointHello Gents, Step into a world of erotic , sensual and seductive bliss. Let me put your mind and body at ease. I am a gorgeous, tall, busty brunette who enjoys pleasing a man. Quick to recognize your needs my sensual touch will send you over the edge. Captivating Beauty you will enjoy my views from every angle. Witty with a great sense of humor , making a connection will come easy. My massage skills are top notch and my seductive nature will have your body tingling from head to toe. With me time will stand still and we will be wrapped up in our own universe.. my only concern is ensuring you enjoy a truly fulfilling experience.. Available Exclusively at CMJ... Allow me to make all your fantasies Reality. My Schedule this Week! TUESDAY FEB 11TH 11:00AM - 7:00PM WEST WEDNESDAY FEB 12TH 10:00AM - 4:00PM EAST * WALK IN WEDNESDAY * THURSDAY FEB 13TH 11:00AM - 10:00PM WEST FRIDAY FEB 14TH 11:00AM - 7:00PM EAST SUNDAY FEB 16TH 10:00AM - 4:00PM WEST Not a Member of CMJ yet? That's okay PM to be my VIPGuest! Chasityxxoo Reco: http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=160456 Pics: http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/album.php?albumid=8247 www.clubcmj.com
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1 pointThe girl with a Broncos T-shit!!! Don't be fooled: she is a seahaws fan!!! LOLO I met Jordan Monroe this week end and let me tell you that I highly recomend her. She is a very bubbly and funny girl who put you at ease immediatly. She does not have much inhibitions and seems to enjoy having fun in bed!!! Treated good, this bombshell will explose in your arm and bring you all the joy you expected!!! Very easy to set up the app. She was on time for the app. She was dressed casually but sexy. She likes to laught but also she likes to make you laught. She is not scared and know how to handle the male reproductive (wink, wink) organ! She takes it all. She plays like a pro!!! She also enjoy very much having her external female reproductive organ being played with watherver you offer her!!! I would definitely call Jordan Monroe again, again and again just like the energizer Bunny to recharge my batteries!!! Treat her good and have fun guys!!! Thanks Jordan Monroe!
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1 pointJust tell RG you have a boat and a fish finder and like to fish nekkid ...... HE WILL BOOK !!! ;)
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1 pointUmmm RG .... Wowzers....I don't think "I'm sorry" will cut it with that one !!!!!! haha That will cost you a round of drinks :) For all CERB members !!!! Bob Seger Night Moves
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1 pointTop of the podium as of today with 3 gold, 3 silver, and 1 bronze!
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1 pointWhat is then more bizarre is that most sps have face pics in the US, while it is unusual here. It seems illogical. :)
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1 pointMagic vines. Worth watching... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJIx4fRuOmE
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1 pointWhat the Fox say? I don't FRIGGEN CARE! Just make it stop! Please for the love of God, make it stop!
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1 pointThanks Old Dog for sharing my blog here :) This board looks amazing - I'm really keen to peruse it in more detail. Also I now feel like a bacon sandwich ;) Lara xxx
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1 point30. The Outcall at your home You have done it!!! You will no longer have to be master of your domain. Put that Kleenex box away. Today's the day you have finally saved for... you are going to meet Alotta Fagina and her new duo partner, Anita Dickens-Hyde (that's right, say it slowly...I'm a dirty freakin' genius!), at your swinging bachelor pad. Best behaviour!!! Now. Eeeeeeek. Look at this place. Ummmm. Ewwwwww. What is that smell??? Gonna need to do some laundry. Yup. Your method of saving on laundry costs by wearing t-shirts and underwear for 4 days has a price (inside out, outside in, backwards and forwards... doesn't everyone do this???) Your place kinda smells like... ummmm... how do we put it politely???? Poo. Sweat. and dead animals. Charming. A fire... you could set the place on fire. No. Bad idea. How about you clean it??? You know those dusty bottles that your sister gave you 8 years ago when you got the place??? Use those. The bedroom. It's not so bad. Okay. It looks like the bedroom of an 8 year old. The He-Man and the Masters of the Universe comforter set is quaint and charming BUT not so much on the sexy debonair suave side. You good sir are going to have to put some big boy clothes on and do some shopping. No. Chicks don't dig Transformers. You can't use that comforter set either. You know the colour of the paint on the walls?? Ask someone at the store to show you something without animated characters and sorta matches the decor. No. You can't buy the Gi Joe sheet set. No. Don't make me hit you. While you are out... did you think of refreshments?? I know that you like chocolate milk and cherry Koolaid mixed together, but it's not everyone's taste. Try something ummmm kinda grown up. Wine maybe? For GODS sake don't pick the wine in the Transformers bottle. Yes, I know it's "neat." That bottle over there - see it? Yes, that one in the clear green glass bottle. I know you don't know anything about wine. Yes, I know you don't own a corkscrew. Okay. Just pick up a bottle of white and a bottle of red with twist tops. And over there... see that section over there that says coolers? Pick up a 4 pack that is kinda girly. I have no idea what they like. Okay. I know you don't either. Jeebus. You see the pink ones? Pick those up. Oh and pick up those wine glasses over there. I know you probably won't use them again. But the LADIES might. Let's go to the grocery store now. I know you are excited. Settle down. No, you are too big to ride in the cart. I am only helping you. You need to push it yourself. Awww, don't pout. Are those, tears???? Okay you can ride in the cart. I will help you. See this?? This is bottled water. I know it's cheaper from the tap. I know you want to show the ladies your limited edition Star Wars glasses from 1983. Trust me, we will go with the bottled water. Oh hey... look at that. It's cheese and it doesn't come in a can!!! Let's do some of that. You don't have plates? Okay. Let's go to the deli... they have a cheese and crackers platter at a reasonable price. What do you mean you don't have napkins. Ohhhh... you use Cottonelle for everything. Not today. No sir, not today. I am guessing you don't have candles. Oh you do??? Lord of the Rings Hobbit Candles. Charming. Nothing sorta plain?? Okay let's forget the candles, the less they see of your place the better. Gents... when you invite a provider to your home treat them with the respect they deserve. Clean. Yup. Clean. The bathroom, the bedroom, the living room and the kitchen. If you provide refreshments do so from a SEALED bottle opened in their presence. Make an effort. You make THEM bacon sandwiches!!! They are your guests! 31. Great Expectations It's happened to all of us on BOTH sides of the equation. You have been speaking for weeks, have exchanged PMs, texts, calls... and today is the day that you are finally going to meet. The door opens... and meh. It's certainly not unique to this world, it happens on dating sites all over. It's happened at high school reunions. It happens everywhere. You have envisioned a mix of Megan Fox/Angelina Jolie/Sasha Grey and are met with ummmmm... not that. You are disappointed. You have built up the moment in your head, the dream date with Megangelisha... and are met with a pretty woman that isn't her. What to do? Step back. Take a moment. Take stock. You aren't Brad Pitt, Channing Tatum or Shemar Moore. You are just a guy. She is a pretty girl. Give your head a shake. She is going to touch your wiener. She is a pretty wiener touching girl. Not only that, she is the pretty wiener touching girl that has an amazing personality. She is a charming pretty wiener touching girl that smells really good. She is an aromatic charming pretty wiener touching girl wearing a beautiful negligee cut so low that you see her amazing boobies. She is an aromatic near naked buxom charming pretty wiener touching girl that has just invited your into her home. She is a welcoming aromatic near naked buxom charming pretty wiener touching girl that has just planted the most amazing kiss on your lips. She is a kissable welcoming aromatic near naked buxom charming pretty wiener touching girl that has changed your opinion. No longer meh. She's HAWT. She isn't Megangelisha but then again you aren't Brachanmar. That's a good thing too, cuz neither of your fake names is frickin' pronounceable. What you are is.... together, at her place, at the appointed time, with the correct amount of money, with a couple of hours open, with a bottle of wine and possessing some degree of chemistry. A light goes on in your head. This is good. This is really good. Of course then she kills you. You knocked on the wrong door. Had you followed the directions she gave you, you would have been alive BUT OHHHH NO.... you had to be the guy who doesn't need directions. Serves you right to be dead. You knocked on the door of the notorious negligee nympho killer. She's probably desecrating your corpse right now.... No, I'm just messing with ya. She didn't kill you. If she did, you wouldn't be reading this. You had a really good time. She rocked your world. Your wiener is kinda sore, but in a good way. You learned a valuable lesson. Don't dismiss something that could be great. You built the rapport, follow through. Read the directions to her place. Don't knock on the wrong door. Beware of nearly nude nymphos with knives. If she is playing the theme from Psycho, run. Don't go swimming until an hour after you have eaten. Don't stick forks in live electrical outlets. If you can't pronounce it, don't eat it. It's amazing being me. Bwahahahahahah
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1 point25. The Incall. You finally get your greatest wish. Today's the day you are seeing Alotta Fagina. Sweet Jeebus. You have abstained from fondling your manly bits for 26 hours in anticipation of this glorious event, beating your old record by ... umm... pretty much 26 hours. Man you love your wiener. You have followed all posted rules and etiquette. You booked your appointment by her preferred method of contact, you have the envelope containing the exact amount for your encounter, you have groomed yourself, you smell good, you feel healthy... heck you even went to Alotta's website and purchased a gift card for her from her favourite vendor, Magical Walid's House of Middle Eastern Cheese. You are soooooo good to go. You arrive at the destination five minutes before your appointment and knock on her door at precisely 2:00 pm. You sir, are a rock star. You enter her home. You are now stepping foot into Villa Fagina. It's beautiful. Tastefully decorated, the house is a testament to the woman that you have lusted after since joining CERB. Uh oh. Nerves. You know what happens when the nerves hit. Pee pee. You must make a pee pee. Maintaining your suave demeanour, you saunter over to Alotta and say in your sexiest voice, "Alotta, my glamourous minx, purveyor of pleasures of the flesh, my near naked nymph. I gotta pee. Where's the potty?" Alotta directs you to your destination. You enter the bathroom and come face to face with your personal demon. Her medicine cabinet. What to do. I KNEW I should have read that whole thread. If I open her cabinet, will I be struck down with penis cooties??? Good GODS... what would Old Dog do??? Empowered by his love for the super friends, a spectral image of Old Dog appears straight from his crystal cavern in the depths of downtown Ottawa: You hear an awesomely wicked voice saying, "Open that cabinet and I will give you penis cooties. Use your head. Be a happy hobbyist. Respect her privacy. Oh... and remember to wash your hands really well and put that seat back down after you flush." It's not rocket science. You are at her place of business for a very good reason. That reason is not to invade her privacy - follow her to her boudoir and be happy. Alotta Fagina has given you access to her sensuality, not her stuff. 26. Serial Texting You want to see her. She is soooooooooooooOOOOOoooOOOOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOOOooooOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOooooo freakin' HAWT. You have everything prepared. You think, "I'm gonna get laid tonight, I'm gonna get laid tonight." You do a happy dance. It's a little disconcerting. Even to you. You stop and vow never to repeat the "anticipating getting laid" dance again. You see she accepts texts. So that's what you do. You: Hey BB (1:39 pm) Her: Oh, hi. (1:41 pm) You: Hey BB (1:42 pm) Her: Oh, Hi again. (1:44 pm) You: Hey BB (1:45 pm) Her: Ummm, Hi again, again. (1:49 pm) You: Hey BB, yer pretty. (1:50 pm) Her: Ummm thanks. (1:55 pm) You: Yer pretty. I have a boner. (1:56 pm) Her: Ummmmm, that's nice. Is there a point you are trying to make. (2:10 pm) You: Yer pretty, I still have a boner. (2:11 pm) Her: Okay. It's nice that that happens for you. Do I know you? (2:42 pm) You: Hey BB. My boner is still there. You have nice boobs. (2:43 pm) Her: I do have nice boobs. Thank you. (3:20 pm) You: I lost my boner but got another one. I like your boobs alot. (3:21 pm) Her: That's really, umm, nice of you to say. You know "alot" is actually two words. Was there something that you needed to ask? (4:12 pm) You: I lost my second boner but got another one again. Yer HAWT. You have a great ass. (4:13 pm) Her: Oh thanks again. Will you please stop sending me texts? (5:22 pm) You: I have my fourth boner. (5:23 pm) You: Why won't you ANSWER me? (5:28 pm) You: You are a boner killer. Wait. It's okay. Number 5 just happened. Please answer. (5:33 pm) You: Hey BB (5:38 pm) You: Hey BB (5:43 pm) You: Hey BB (5:51 pm) You: Hey BB, my boner feels weird. (5:53 pm) You: Hey BB, my boner just collapsed in on itself. (5:56 pm) You: Hey BB, the cat just ate my boner. (5:58 pm) You: Bitch, you ruined my life. (6:01 pm) You: On the upside, I have a mangina now. I am going to steal all your business. (6:02 pm) You: On the downside, my mangina is not feeling that great. I hate you. (6:03 pm) You: Answer ME! (6:04 pm) You: You used your super powers didn't you? (6:05 pm) You: My tummy feels weird. Did you give me some kind of virus? (6:06 pm) You: Dammit. All I want to do is listen the Celine Dion now. (6:07 pm) You: You did this. (6:08pm) You: I'm sorry (6:09 pm) You: This is my last text to you. (6:10 pm) You: No, this is my last text. (6:11 pm) You: :( There we have it. Serial texters get penis cooties and listen to Celine Dion. It's a true fact, as witnessed above.
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