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Showing content with the highest reputation on 04/29/14 in all areas

  1. 7 points
    Well, while we wait for the ladies to chime in, there's this. To me, the clock starts when I walk in. The hugs, the kisses, the chit-chat are all part of the experience and the shower time is also counted. More importantly, were I enjoying the pleasure of your company, time is up when you say it is. Period. If it's at the 29 minute mark or 39, it is your time, your business, your decision. IMHO, sounds like you met a Class A twit.
  2. 7 points
    for me the time should start when the client says hello to the provider. The provider is offering time. When you go to a lawyer or accountant, the clock starts as soon as you sit down
  3. 6 points
    Karina it is all up to you. You are your boss and you call the shots, never should a client be allowed to push you or anyone into a corner or tell you how a session is going to go. If a client books at 4 for a 1/2 hr appt then 4:30 his time is up-simple! If you want to give him a little extra that is up to you, but you ARE NOT obligated. Especially if he is ill mannered.
  4. 6 points
    For an in-call the time starts at the agreed upon start time. Which in this case was 4 PM. He should have had his clothes back on and walking out your door to leave your place at 4:30 PM sharp. If he shows up 15 minutes late. That means he has lost 15 minutes of playtime. Again -- He should have had his clothes back on and walking out your door to leave your place at 4:30 PM sharp. If he gave you a call to say he is running a little late. Then it is your discretion at when the adjusted start time and end time will be. In this case he was only booking 30 minutes. Again -- He should have his clothes back on and walking out your door 30 minute after he arrived. But that is just my opinion.
  5. 5 points
    well that's one of the ways that the board works, another function it has is the ability to ask other people if they have seen a certain sp and their opinion on them, especially if you are unsure or skeptical about seeing one. so don't be an ass :butt:
  6. 4 points
    Some sps are very strict about that start and end time, as in if the appt is 4pm, for half hour, they must leave at 4:30 even if they arrive at 4:15. It depends on how accurate you are with your own timing, tho to pull that off. And that is for sps who have prebooked appts, and times, and they must stay on schedule without deviation. There really aren't too many sps who work on that firm schedule, but i think the majority of us will say arrival at the door time to end time has to be within that 30 minute range. Half hour guys are only taking showers if they already know they aren't using or needing 30 minute activity time. maybe a quick rinse, or cleanup the area, hands, mouthwash, bathroom break (not in that order) a couple of minutes, no sp minds that, but dilly dallying around first, then saying they are taking a shower, if we;ve spent 5 minutes on chit chat or canoodling and then he tells me now he wants a shower, I am not feeling quite so generous with my half hour of time. now everything is going to be cut shorter than i would like because instead of 2-3 minutes prior to starting, we are looking at a full 10 minutes into the half hour for 'everything'. Is that always possible? Not without rushing thru something, no. And if you don't this is a guy who will not be in and out within the time he paid for. Sure 5 minutes here or there, no one minds that, especially if that time is in the shower lol. But 4pm to 4:40, and he still isn't gone let alone done, or wants to argue about the amount of time left? No. And that is because i offer a 45 minutes option. This is a 45 minute guy. He wants to chat, take a shower, then get started and needs 30 minute activity time, tell him next time the best option for him is to take 45 minutes, which you do at XX $. His option for the half hour is to understand the half hour doesn't come with an unrushed session of going overtime. No half hour sessions are for guys who need or want more time than that. It is often for the guys who want to be in and out within 30 minutes because they need to be somewhere else, it isn't supposed to be for the guy who wants or needs 45 minutes but too cheap to pay the hour rate to get it.
  7. 4 points
    4 PM sweetie. Good thing he didn't book an hour. You might have had to stop for coffee break or tea time ;)
  8. 4 points
    I think it is pretty clear to most people that if you book an appointment for a half hour and the time is from 4 pm to 4:30 pm then the clock starts at 4 pm, unless the SP is late (and she is coming to see you) then the clock starts when she arrives. If she lets you go beyond the agreed time then that is a bonus and one should just enjoy! I know I do!
  9. 4 points
    Hi Karina, Technically the clock does start on arrival and if the client would like to shower he should do so immediately before any type of intimacy takes place. It depends on the client. If you're talking, embracing, kissing and starting to connect, it should be a part of the time together. Another idea is to jump in the shower with him to make it a part of the encounter. Thirty minute appointments can be tricky and it sounds like this client would like a social connection as well. Perhaps you can suggest an extension in time together for your next encounter as that may be more suited to what he's seeking?
  10. 4 points
    This girl has always contributed informative, valuable insight to this board. She is truly unique among us,unquestionably cute, we've had our tiffs but she has always been forgiving, welcoming, friendly and kind when approached. I value her and because of this I'd like to nominate her as our Cerb goddess of the Day:) Plus she is an animal lover;) Sweet Emily J http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/member.php?u=68545
  11. 3 points
    The time was up at 4:30, sorry. I hate to get all business but we are expected to be punctual and I feel a client should be as well. I often go over time but it is at my discretion. If you showed up 15 minutes late and he had things to so and people to see that would have messed up his day. Curtesy is a two way street.
  12. 3 points
    Traffic problems etc do happen which is why the majority of ladies won't book back to back appointments. So....IMHO the time starts once you pass the threshold (of course any late arrivals should be communicated to the lady...especially anything later than 10 to 15 minutes). Please don't view this as us being clock watchers. It's just a matter of respect for each other's time and possible other commitments either personal or professional. PS being early is sometimes worse than being late lol
  13. 3 points
    To me the clock starts when you walk in the door. You may (at your discretion) give him the time for a shower...a quick thorough shower, but that's up to you. A client is paying for your time, not for what happens during that time. If he choses to spend time in a thirty minute encounter engaged in conversation, guess what, the clock is ticking. Even social time still is time. If he wants an encounter to include social time (conversation etc) he should book longer encounters But I think BC Guy is right, you had a class A twit for a client My two cents RG
  14. 3 points
    Yes. Google Analytics is where it's at. Also Google Webmaster Tools is very useful as well. It gives even more info about keyword search terms, which Google Analytics hides or shows as: (not provided). And it also shows where improvements for search optimization can be made. Plus other interactive features like the ability to ask Google to crawl your site when you make changes or add pages, etc. All free. :)
  15. 3 points
    another idea is to add it to your list of fetish services offered. Add it to your advertising as an option ... then those who are interested can inquire and request that service. The gents will get used to seeing it in your advertising, then when an inquiry comes up like "who offers porn sessions" your name will be the one they recommend. For example, I always offer an outfit request and a beverage choice, and gents have become used to requesting a different outfit each time they see me. When someone posts a thread like "who offers outfit requests" my name invariably comes up.
  16. 3 points
    How is it different than Google analytics?
  17. 3 points
    I would like to nominate as Goddess of the Day, Carrie Moon.
  18. 3 points
    That's why I purchased my 13" MacBook Pro in 2009 & I haven't used my Windows PC since then. My stupid company/job still uses Windows, mostly XP & Vista. Mac OS X is far superior and a lot more intelligent and user friendly than Windows & more fun than Unix/Linux, IMHO. No rebooting every day, no virus/trojans/worms, etc. and a lot easier to be more productive and effective. Sorry Window lovers. I just love my Mac! But to each their own. I'll get down from my soap box. lol
  19. 3 points
    your so interested...book her and post a review...that's what the board is for..
  20. 3 points
    I agree with what the others have said. I had a similar situation. Only the lady was visiting me in my home and it was our 2nd date. She insisted that she wanted to stay. It was obvious she was not up to it. I tended to her like I would any other sick friend. (Blanket, tea, flat ginger ale, soup, soda crackers, Gravol, Tylenol.) She took a nap (alone) for a couple of hours. She declined the donation but I stuck it in her coat pocket anyway. The rest is history - we saw each other (professionally) for about two years. Always treat people with dignity and respect. Expect nothing in return. When you least expect it someone will do the same for you.
  21. 2 points
    JUICY & FIRM ;) YOUR EVERY NEED, WANT AND DESIRE WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF ! I strive to tease, please and give you the ultimate satisfaction guaranteed. I love mutual encounters of eroticism and true pleasure as well as enticing conversations & bonding relationships. Juiciest Schedule For This Week (Tues. Apr. 29th-Fri. May. 2nd) is posted below, check it out and lets match our schedules up. Pre-Book your amazing session NOW! My Appearance: 23 years, long haired brunette babe, dazzling sexy hazel eyes, lightly tanned, silky smooth skin, I stand at 5'3, 125lbs with curves in all of the right places, fit, toned and tight figure, 36C perfect tittys!, round & firm juicy ass, gorgeous face features and i am Italian & French. My Personality: Very outgoing, playful, sensual, erotic, open minded, seductive, naughty, bubbly, sweet, kinky, classy, talkative, sweet, caring, intelligent, respectful and discreet young lady. WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT IN A NAUGHTY SESSION WITH ME: -erotic, sensual & seductive nude massage -great conversation & atmosphere -an ending that is sure to leave you more than happy! -reverse massage -mutual touching -duo massage (2 girls, 4 hands) -soapy showers for 2 -topless massage -bum massage -multiple experiences -pearl necklace release -cob -tantric massage experience -fetish friendly -dirty talk -foot fetish/worship -strip tease/lap dance (Regular Clientele) -outfits, heels, stockings, exotic wear/lingerie, or any outfits seen in my pictures & much much more !!! (Please inquire about more of my services) ELITE V.I.P. PACKAGE: (Regular Clientele) For the discerning, classy and upscale gentleman at my discretion. My package includes several different services combined into one package for one price! All services are YMMV! (Please inquire-regarding my VIP services & pricing) Fees: (Door Fees Only): 30mins: $50 45mins: $60 60mins: $80 PLUS tipping in the room (please inquire) Location: (Tuesday-Friday): Merivale & Hunt Club. (Incalls Only). Angels Touch Spa. Clean, discreet, upscale & professional. ATM on-site, Free parking, fresh towels, nice big showers in each room & hygienic products. Schedule For This Week: (Tues. Apr. 29th-Fri. May. 2nd): Tues: 10am-4pm (Today) Wed: 10am-7pm Thurs: 10am-7pm Fri: 9am-4pm EMAIL. PM. CALL. TEXT: For more info or to book your naughty session ! 613-600-3943 (no blocked calls pls) (text preferred) Email: [email protected] Personal Website: http://taylordevine.massagefiles.com/ Angels Touch: 613-274-7073 (Request Taylor) RECOMMENDATIONS: http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthr...ltr=T&t=155684 AD WITH COMMENTS:http://www.cerb.ca/classifieds/ottaw...ue-beauty.html SEXY PICTURES: http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/album.p...ictureid=57872 CRAVE TAYLOR BOYS! XOXO MUAHS!
  22. 2 points
    Cuuuum and get 'em while they're hot!! I got a pair of hot muffins just waiting to be bitten into ;) Dare to taste? I guarantee you'll love these mouth watering muffs, so cum stop in for a bite ;) A Brief Yet Sexy Description Of Yours Truly Ever dreamt of being with a runway model? Well here's your chance to have one sashay into your room and fulfill your every desire. I am a tall red head with breathtaking blue eyes and legs that are to die for. Heart stopping good looks and a playful demeanor that will leave you begging for more... Sexy Services That Will Blow Your Mind A phenomenal full body massage Body slides that will make you quiver and tremble with desire Reverse massages and the opportunity to run your hands up and down my smooth, silky bod Steamy and sensual showers for 2 Very open to couples sessions Love, love, looove catering to the ladies :wink: PM me for more information on my sexy services :wink: Availability And Location (Angels Touch) Today from 9am until 4pm (Paradise Spa) Wednesday from 3:30pm until 11pm (Paradise Spa) Thursday from 3:30pm until 11pm (Paradise Spa) Friday from 3:30pm until 11pm (Angels Touch) Sunday from 10am until 9pm How To Contact This Sexy Temptress Call to book some sexy time with me at 613-274-7073, PM me, or email me at [email protected] ***Also, be sure to check out my recommendations: http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthr...t=victoriascrt ***
  23. 2 points
    Me personally I don't have any tattoos. I grew up in an era that tattoos were worn by soldiers, sailors and inmates. And I almost had one back in my army days, not by choice, I was drunk, and a couple buddies were going to chip in and get me tattooed. Thank god they didn't have enough money. Now it is commonplace. If I put one on it just would be for the sake of having one put on, it wouldn't hold any special meaning. But I have been with some ladies who do have tattoos, and I find it compliments their beauty. I would say I love tattoos on a lady who wants them. But body art is personal, and no one should pressure someone into wearing a tattoo, nor should someone sit in judgement of those have tattoos, or don't have tattoos. It is a personal decision, not for me to sit in judgement of. But that said, I do find on those ladies who have them, it compliments their beauty. A rambling RG
  24. 2 points
    Tuesday Tia 9-4 aka "Tiaa.Lovee.x0" Salina 9-4 aka "Salinaflower" Brooklyn 9-4 aka "brookynsfinest" Sabrina R 9-4 aka "SabrinaR" Mandy 10-7 aka "CandyMandy" Kandice 12-9 aka "Sweet Kandice" Chloe 2-9 aka "XChloeX" Kiki 2-11 NEW aka "Kinky-Kiki" Cherry 3-11 aka "Cherry Blossom" April 3:30-11 NEW Jamie 3:30-11 aka "Jamie-xo" Riley 3:30-11 aka "Riley Parks" Sasha 4-11 aka "Sasha-Paradise" Online Ad check it out http://www.cerb.ca/classifieds/ottaw...2014-news.html NEW KiKi 24 year old (former exotic dancer ) 5'2 ft tall, stunning redhead, native, irish, French, Canadian mix, 100 pounds, 34C, petite,brown eyes, Bilingual. NEW April aka "Summer" from Barb's (exotic dancer)..soon to become one of Ottawa's fav's http://www.angelstouchmassage.ca/site/aprils-profile/ NEW Kimber aka "sweetkimber" http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/album.php?albumid=8890 New Pics http://www.angelstouchmassage.ca/site/kimbers-profile/ New Sexy Pics http://www.angelstouchmassage.ca/site/the-angels/ Schedule Updated Daily http://www.angelstouchmassage.ca/site/schedule/ Come for a 4 hand massage in our getaway room....an experience you will never forget Ottawa's Best Room! Regular Room spacious and in room shower Single Massage: 30 minutes $55. 45 minutes on special for $65. 60 minutes $80. 90 minutes $120. Duo Massage: 30 minute on special for $80. 45 minute on special for $100. 60 minute on special for $130. Getaway Room Fee: Room Features a hot tub,6 ft custom shower and fireplace for your enjoyment Single Massage: 30 minutes $70. 45 minutes $85. 60 minutes $100. 90 minutes $150. Session time @ Discretion of MA Duo Massage/Couples Massage: 2 Attendant 30 minute $100. 45 minute $120. 60 minute $150. Couples Massage: 1 Attendant 30 minute $70. 45 minute $85. 60 minute $100. HST included in all door fee prices Longer Session times available and at the Discretion of MA Salina's Recommendations http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=144753 Brooklyn's Recommendation *** NEW http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=172010 Sabrina R Recommendation ***NEW RECOMMENDATION http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=175469 Jamie's Recommendation http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=104412& http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthr...ltr=J&t=114727 Mandy's Recommendation http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=120757 Riley Recommendation http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=162336 Chloe's Recommendation***NEW RECOMMENDATION http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=165602 Cherry's Recommendations http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=151528 http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=165602 Sasha's Recommendationshttp://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=146238 HIRING.....We seeking attractive hard working ladies! You must be 18 years of age or older to be employed at Paradise Spa. We require proof of legal age and legal eligibility to work via a valid government identification and/or other documentation as required by law. Kiki-NEW
  25. 2 points
    0 hits doesn't mean they aren't downloaded pictures, it can mean tineye or google just hasn't hit them yet. In saying that 0 hits can also mean they are the owners pictures as well. My point is not to just rely image searches for conformation of fact.
  26. 2 points
    u guys troll the internet looking for new ads and a name to post here.maybe u should try to get some "ass".name calling is very "mature" thought this board was for adults???
  27. 2 points
    It may seem like an explosion, but really this is just Winnipeg catching up. Clearly there is sufficient demand. I am noticing that prices are starting to moderate which is probably a good thing, in the short term. It's likely that prices will begin rising once the market is more saturated.
  28. 2 points
    I absolutely understand the shyness and it can be a formidable challenge in the beginning. You probably won't have to ask for rates just because they aren't posted on an ad, all you have to do is initiate the contact. If a provider has chosen not to post her rates, she's prepared to share them long before you arrive at her door. I send an introduction with all the pertinent details along with my website information to every potential guest who sends an email that consists of actual words instead text abbreviations or the infamous one liner emails. What I seek in a guest is a gentleman who actually "gets" what I bring to the table which is a willingness to engage and communicate on every level with my guests. I don't expect men to read all the details of my ads because they usually focus on certain aspects while glossing over others. I want guests to ask questions so I can answer clearly; presenting what I offer that makes an experience with me unique and what I expect from a potential paramour. I appreciate the dialogue and the opportunity to find out more about a potential encounter so I can assess if we are a good fit. The most important thing to me is that we are on the same page with expectations and anticipations. For me, not posting my consideration is an invitation to engage. If I put out all the juicy bits, the only thing left is for a guest to chose a dat and time but I find guests often want an opportunity to get a feel for the woman behind the pictures. We all know this is an industry based on fantasy but the very best guests for me are the men who want a woman who is herself, comfortable in her skin and who enjoys her career. These men want the opportunity to get to know me a bit before they make their decision and being able to ask a question is an excellent way to break the ice... cat Additional Comments: Warped88, I'm so sorry, I'm not sure how that smilie got on there! I apologize, I don't think you're a wanker and I can't edit it... cat
  29. 2 points
    I know this is a question for the guys but I did walk in to an outcall and on a few occasion porn was playing on the TV and personally I dont enjoy it...I dont mind if he watches it before i get there but prefer if he turns it off once I arrive...just my opinion...
  30. 2 points
    This is just me -- I am sure some people may be into that sort of thing. I prefer focusing on the lady with little or no distractions. After all, she is the one I am there to see. Porn is very expensive when you consider everyone has different tastes. Perhaps investing in sexy outfits or soft cuffs, or blindfold, or feather duster, or small vibrating toy, might be a better choice. Good vibrations and all that... Just an idea....
  31. 2 points
    There has been some excellent and appropriate advice here. I especially life Jafo's suggestion above. Good Karma.
  32. 2 points
  33. 2 points
    I'm new to all this, only being with one lady (twice) so far, but I found the final hug and kiss a little awkward. Not that I disliked it in anyway. Quite the opposite, really: I'd love a more passionate goodbye, I'm sure. :) But, as someone new to the lifestyle, I think the passion, friendliness, and genuine caring of the lady was a little bit of a surprise. One can read volumes on encounters and what to expect, but until it's actually experienced... Which is my way of saying to the ladies, don't let us awkward newbies stop you from being you and don't give up on us. ;)
  34. 1 point
    So is everyone going to change to a highway picture now, lol. I'd rather see a cute doggy picture or an actor or celeb that you resemble.
  35. 1 point
    So you're saying that this Jenny looks like Kristin Kreuk from Smallville? Kristin Kreuk - IMDb
  36. 1 point
    What my son was doing Jessica is a bit the same, he was cutting the legs of the crickets and feeding Ricko with them and he would eat them! But was eating as much as he used to but at least was but I assume that U will also have a gross time doing this also poor U! I never wanted to do it myself but I assume if I was the one who had chosen Ricko I would have! Good luck darling!
  37. 1 point
    I did NOT say I was retired, I said I am on HIATUS! That means taking a break due to personal issues! Please do not put words in my mouth! I will post an ad when I am ready to return. Thank you to all those who have respected my space during this sensitive time.
  38. 1 point
    I was talking on my cell phone, while panicking looking through my purse because I thought I had lost it. What is even better is that I was saying to my friend that I had lost my phone and she was getting me to re trace my steps instead of realizing, I was talking on my phone. It was a special moment. Brooklyn
  39. 1 point
    Temptation never tasted so sweet. Indulge in the fruits of life and allow my sultry touch to take care of your needs and desires. Tuesday 11-8 Wednesday 11-8 Friday 1-9 xx- Miss Scarlette -xx
  40. 1 point
    This may be a bit unexpected, so I want to make sure the question is clear. Do SP or MA take it personally if the client can not 'finish' with a bang? I'm *not asking hobbyists. I've asked this question to a few providers, and the answer I get is; " it's ok as long as you don't feel cheated." I say I'm there for the experience of their company, whatever happens during the 60mins must only be mutually desired and safe. And what may or may not happen in the last 2 minutes, does not weigh heavily on the previous 58minutes. However, I have sensed disappointment from them that 'it' didn't happen. I've never complained. Our time together is always enjoyable. Thoughts?
  41. 1 point
    I found Japan on crack (and this is me saying after I actually have been to the country)
  42. 1 point
    Paypal is a really bad option for sex workers. Not only are you not allowed to use Paypal for adult services, but they have been known to shut down sex workers' accounts and freeze the funds even if the account has never been used for work related payments and purchases. For SPs looking at payment options, this might be helpful: http://missfreudianslit.tumblr.com/post/73352410012/sex-work-approved-payment-options
  43. 1 point
    I'm curious, why are you taking things this personally. If it is, as you say, business is business, why do you then turn around and talk about thoughts and feelings. If you send an email, get no response, well move on. I could somewhat understand if you develop a connection with a lady that you have seen, and continue to see, and then she wishes to no longer see you, talking about thoughts and feelings. But to contact a SP for an encounter and she doesn't reply, just move on. Honestly, bringing feelings for someone you haven't met strikes me as somewhat strange. Unless there is something more to your post you haven't shared. And if you are getting a steady pattern of no responses to your emails, maybe look at the emails you send. Is there something in the way you write that might concern the lady enough that she might just prefer not to see you, and not reply to your email RG
  44. 1 point
    That by far is the best comment I have read in a long time... what a great way with words.
  45. 1 point
    Good morning Jessy, I use hotels when I entertain in Kingston.I would avoid most motels Visible parking and not the best kept. There are plenty of sp friendly hotels. Delta- Waterfront My Fav! A bit pricy but great location Amazing restaurant-view- pool and gym. Friendly people and great food! Did I say that already ;) Should check with gents I am not sure about parking for guests in downtown. Ambassador located mid Princess They have a great pool steam room and sauna. Great restaurant and a plenty of entrances for friends to stay discreet. 10 dollar taxi ride to the bus. Not much more around if you want to get out and about though. The Travel lodge- Located west end of Princess. St Nice hotel with the option for an outside room & Balcony. You are a little further from the bus (12.00) but you have a great pool & fitness Amazing Restaurant. Lots around you. Grocery stores -shopping mall-Book store Costco ect.... Division St @ 401 All hotels in this area are fairly close together. Plenty of shopping restaurants take out convenience stores movie theater. Not even a ten dollars fare to the bus. Holiday Inn express- I have never played there, but hear good things. ( Great breakfast! Days Inn- Nice Big hotel with option for outside rooms. Never a problem. Courtyard by Marriott- Beautiful hotel. Pool & Gym May want to check late night polices if playing past 11:00pm Comfort Inn- Nice and quite- 1st floor balcony entrance rooms are usually available. First Canada Inn- Great location- Tucked away nice & discreet. Ground floor with balconies are available if requested. Swimming pool Great breakfast and low rates. Hope this helps you out enjoy K-Town! :) Xox Selena
  46. 1 point
    I also love that final hug and kiss but found that a lot of gentlemen prefer either a light kiss and rush off...maybe they dont want to leave with a hard on after one last passionate dfk lol... I did that with a client once and we were back at it in front of the door...couldn't part :) mmmm this thread is waking up some great memories :) BJ
  47. 1 point
    Yes, I agree with most of what you said. However, the fundamental difference (at least for me) is that with the old laws, outcalls were 100% legal. That is, for a strictly outcall guy like myself, I could have my fun without the risk of being charged. Now, under a Nordic model, I would effectively be breaking the law every time I invite a lady to my residence.
  48. 1 point
    27. Alternatives to the Bacon Sandwich I was insensitive. I forgot that many providers have religious convictions that may prevent them from providing bacon sandwiches at their incall locations. Alternatives, well. Hmmm. Do you have a friend that might make bacon sandwiches that you could call? That'd work. Steak sandwiches are nice. With caramelized onions and mushrooms, on a soft bun, meat cooked medium rare with a dollop of horseradish mayonnaise. I like that too. Not as much as bacon sandwiches, but if you make up for it by putting a little more effort on the plate, like a sprig of parsley and a few cherry tomatoes, it is almost as good. Vegetarians. Hmmm. I never considered you either. Listen. If you have a friend that will make you bacon sandwiches and put it in a nice sealed thermal bag, I might just take that to go at the end of our encounter. Or you could make butter tarts. I like butter tarts. The butter tart to bacon sandwich equivalency ratio is approximately 12.8 to 1, but I would take an even dozen and call it a deal. Vegans. You are going to make my life difficult. Anything in your fridge will probably make me feign a polite smile and rub my tummy indicating that I am already full. I don't believe that there is a vegan equivalent to any of the aforementioned sandwiches or buttery confections. You might want to consider a new profession... or.... you could offer duos with a bacon lady... that'd work! Just sayin'. 28. The Negotiator You enter a restaurant. Your brain is like Rain Man. You know that you will only eat 84% of your hamburger, 67% of your fries, 92% of your coleslaw and drink 96 % of your coffee. Waste not, want not. You speak to the manager of your restaurant. You ask what the hamburger platter costs replete with a steaming cup of coffee. He quotes you a price, of $10.17, taxes in and excluding gratuity. You balk. You counter offer at $7.82 including gratuity, insisting that the amount of time spent at the table will be less than 14 minutes if the service of the meal comes within 2.4 minutes of your arrival thus allowing the restaurant to serve more customers per hour. You ask to only be served 84% of a hamburger, 18 of the standard 27 french fries, 4.6 ounces of coleslaw and 7.68 ounces of coffee. This seems perfectly reasonable. To. You. The manager politely asks you to leave. Now. GTFO. You get a bit snippy and threaten not to darken his door ever again. He raises an eyebrow, gives his head a slight nod indicating the direction of the door. You see that your negotiating skills have missed their mark on this savvy proprietor. You don't eat that day. The same holds true in the provider world. When the pretty lady says that she offers 1 hour, 2 hour, 4 hour and 8 hour encounters with specific prices attached thereto, you should understand that those are the time allotments and prices that are NON negotiable. You can't get 84% of a BJ. This is a luxury service and frankly, you have an alternative - you can seek someone else with a cheaper rate and more suitable time frames BUT you have to understand. A Camaro is not a Ferrari. A Pinto is not a Benz. A Lada is not a Rolls Royce. You may end up at the same destination with all six, but you know that the ride won't be as smooth and certainly not as memorable. 29. I love you vs I LOVE YOU. Alotta Fagina. Ohhhhhhhh my GOD. Alotta. Fagina. I have seen her like ummmm.... 25 times in the past two months. She is my muse. She makes me happy. She fills my heart with joy. She is perfect. Good heavens. I love her. No. I love bacon sandwiches. I LOVE HER. With all my heart. I LOVE her. She must love me. She must LOVE me. We have had sex like 25 times in the last two months. That's what... 24 more times than I had all of last year with my ex-girlfriend. Granted she was in a coma for 11 of those months, but that's semantics. I LOVE Alotta Fagina. She LOVES me. We will move in together. We can have an island, small at first, like one that holds up the centre support of a train bridge but in time we will have an island in the Caribbean. When I win the lotto. I have a plan. I will make her the happiest woman on the face of the planet. She has made me the happiest man on the face of the planet. <THWACK> WTF! I was expressing my true love, my undying affection. We are in love. <THWACK> Okay, please stop that. I know you are jealous of our deep spiritual connection. You could not possibly understand how much we LOVE one another. <THWACK> Now that hurt. Why did you use a baseball bat? I may have a contusion. Look, just look... you left a mark. How can I explain this to the epicentre of my universe, the apple of my eye... I know, I will say I was defending her honour. That will make her UBER love me even more than she ultra loves me now. This is a dangerous game. You may have affection for providers and providers may have affection for us. That's a natural bond that comes with spending time together but never confuse love for LOVE. You have a paid relationship with a provider that is mutually beneficial, and over time that may make you much closer. I am not saying that it's IMPOSSIBLE that LOVE will blossom, but the most basic principle is that you will find an amazing person to spend your time and money with... and that's the premise that you must keep in mind. Love your provider, respect your provider but when you feel the emotions welling up within you, take a break from your provider and take stock. It might be best for everyone! ... i'm sure that there will be more....
  49. 1 point
    Add, clean hands, finger nails and mouth after the dip stick test!
  50. 1 point
    20. Hey Alotta, can we book a 4:20 appointment, get it...420??? Dude. You need pizza. You need nachos. You need a pizza with nachos and KFC. You also need to rethink your priorities. You can't show up to an appointment high or piss drunk. No. You. Can't. That is a no no. People sometimes do silly things when they are under the influence of alcohol and drugs. I, in fact, proposed marriage to a horrible person when I was in such a state. When I recovered, she was Mrs Dog. There is absolutely no irony in that statement - she was a total bitch. You see, just because you like to partake in a herbal vacation on a daily basis, don't assume that your provider does. If you consume liquor in lieu of say... food, you must also make that assumption that your provider might actually eat rather than just drink. You MIGHT think that drugs and alcohol make you sexy. Ummmmm. No. That's a pee stain on the front of your pants. Not. So. Sexy. Bottom line? Drugs and alcohol make people do stupid things. You can do this your friends. You can do this with your family. You can NOT do this with your provider. NEVER show up drunk or stoned. Stupid things could mean dangerous things. Dangerous things are bad. She is already placing herself in a somewhat vulnerable situation, she certainly doesn't need the addition of a chemical additive to make it worse. The other thing, you might actually REMEMBER how wickedly awesome your experience was!!!! 21. Why doesn't she respond? I need to couple with her now!!! Men, as a collective gender, do not take direction well. I admit it. My penis admits it. We like to forge new paths, be trailblazers, and we hate to read stuff. We especially hate to read stuff. Reading stuff is for girls. Girls know that. That's why they force us to read. To humiliate us. To make us appear more stupid than we... wait, we are pretty stupid. Let's face it. Men do things because we think we already know how to do things. Providers are girls. This is their chance to torment us. It's okay though. They will touch our wieners. That makes us happy. We just have to follow instructions.... arrrRRRRRrrrggggh. I hate reading instructions. I love when she touches my wiener. Mental battle..... dammit. Must resist. Nope. Wiener wins.... ALL THE TIME. Okay. Read the instructions. WTF? No PMs??? I have been sitting here with a blue pill induced RAGING erection for 3 hours and she doesn't want me to PM? Oh my god. No wonder I can never see Alotta Fagina. She doesn't take PMs. What else won't she accept? No emails??? No blocked calls, no private numbers??? Guys... when it comes to the hobby, we have to obey the rules. To obey the rules, we actually have to READ the RULES. If we could make our penisisisiesisisis read the rules that would be better, but the one eyed python of love is blind. Big head has to obey. She has preferred methods of contact. Read em. Understand em. Use em. Your wiener will thank you. 22. I suspect you may clone me. May I have my used condom? Dude. Seriously? Do you have like a used condom hall of fame? Guys, no one wants to store your jizz. Alotta Fagina does not have secret contacts with a mad scientist who pays her for your splooge. There is no secret conspiracy to place your spunk at the scene of a major crime. Conspiracy theories are fun... now run back to your basement and get the foil helmet on lickety-split!!! ohhhh.... there's more.
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